Thursday, November 7, 2019

Grandma's Funeral

My grandma Haws died recently, at the age of 97 (just a few months shy of 98). It did surprise me, actually. I thought she'd live to be 100. I had gotten used to visiting with her weekly, and calling her often. I made her really laugh when I called her up to tell her about how Jon Mark forgot to tell me we were speaking in church. He literally told me as we pulled up to the church parking lot. She thought that was really funny, and it was. She had a quick wit about her and was interesting to talk to. Hannah liked to dance for her and Cub liked to visit when John came along to play with. She will be missed.

Her funeral weekend was a very spiritual one for me. I felt so happy to see my cousins and to be able to have the opportunity to repair some relationships with some of my cousins. I also got to know some of my cousins a little bit better.

Before she passed away, my kids and I got to sing to her. She had been unconscious for most of her hospital stay. She woke up briefly, my dad called to FaceTime me and the kids. We sang her the song, Risen, by Shawna Edwards. Caleb sang with much gusto and I believe she rather enjoyed it. That was the last time she was conscious.

Here is a talk I wrote about Following the Prophet. I'll put it here because I do speak briefly about the funeral weekend and some of the experiences I had:

This past week, we celebrated the life of my 97-year-old Grandma. Before she passed away, she was asked, “what is the purpose of life anyway?” Without skipping a beat, she answered, “the hokey pokey”. You put your whole self in, you put your whole self out, you do the hokey pokey and that’s what it’s all about.”

So, what is the purpose of life anyway? We have been blessed with the gospel and blessed to know that we came to earth to gain our bodies, and to use our agency to do good. We progress, sometimes we falter, but we get back up again and repent. We utilize the atonement and we strive to reach our goal of returning home to our Father in Heaven. 

We live in the last days, a time when many walk down strange paths. At times the large and spacious building of the world feels so loud and chaotic. In all of the confusion, where is the stability? Fortunately, we have a living prophet and apostles who guide us under the direction of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Like a loving parent who sets boundaries to keep his child safe and happy, our Heavenly Father gives us commandments through his prophets that set us on a clear path of safety and direction in this fallen world.

D&C 1:38
What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the Heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

D&C 112:20
Whosoever receiveth my word, receiveth me, and whosoever receiveth me, receiveth those, the First Presidency, whom I have sent, whom I have made counselors for my name’s sake unto you.

In order for us to know what the Lord would have us do in these last days, we must look to our prophet. He is the stability; he is the guiding light in a dark world. He speaks for our Savior, even Jesus Christ. In order to follow the prophet, we must know what the prophet is saying. Watching general conference is one way to do this.

I remember a time in primary when one of my teachers told me how excited she was for conference weekend. She told us that conference weekend was her favorite weekend of the year. I remember my first thought was, “She’s lying, in church?!” I was young and sitting still for so long was hard. I did have fond memories of eating Easter candy and having a big breakfast with cousins, but perhaps I hadn’t recognized the importance of conference weekend. My parents were diligent, and over time my love for conference grew.

I love watching general conference. And it is indeed one of my most favorite weekends of the year. I do, however, know how hard it can be watching conference with young children. I’m climbing out of the trenches of motherhood, but let’s take a trip down memory lane for a minute.
Seven years ago, I was a young mother with three kids under the age 5 and I was pregnant with a fourth. We were living in Ohio away from family, my husband was attending law school. It was a difficult time for our little family. I had written in my journal about one of the days we watched conference. I was sick because of the pregnancy and the moment I chose to get sick, my three-year-old decided that she needed to use the bathroom. This resulted in a puddle on the floor, hers of course. I put her into the tub, decided that I might as well put her one-year old brother in the tub at the same time. That was a mistake. He put lots of floaters in the water, if you know what I mean. I fished those out, drained the tub, and rewashed both of them. As I took him out of the tub, he decided he was not yet finished with his business and proceeded to leave a trail all around the house as he ran away from me. My husband and I cleaned that up. We took the three-year-old out of the tub and told her to go get dressed. I stole a kiss from my husband in the kitchen for about 30 seconds when my five-year-old ran in to tell us that the one year old destroyed the computer that we were streaming conference on. We ran into the front room to find that Luke had plucked every single key off of the keyboard. As we began to put the keys back on and resume our conference watching, one kid jumped off of the couch and landed on my belly which then made me cry because it hurt, but also because that’s what pregnant ladies do. Another kid made his sister cry because he had pulled her hair. His sister, mind you, never did go and get dressed. Feeling frustrated, I expressed to my husband that I’m pretty sure no one gotten anything out of any of the talks that day.
I was wrong. Later that night, when all was quiet and the chaos of the day had settled into a peaceful evening, my 5-year-old said to me, “Mom, someone said today that everybody can be a missionary. That means that I can be a missionary too.” My three-year-old knew who President Monson was. And that one year old, well, he knew we watched conference on a computer, and he thought it looked fun to destroy.

Brothers and sisters, if that story sounds familiar to you, that young mother who is now seven years older, and who has hopefully gained some wisdom along with a few more wrinkles, says to you, please don’t give up. It’s not for nothing. You are setting patterns that will carry on into great things. Your children are watching your obedient example. They are learning along the way. They see your priorities and they love you for it. Don’t give up! I heard Elder Holland once say, “the gospel comforts the afflicted, and afflicts the comfortable.” Either way, we get up when we fall, and we press on when it’s hard.

I am so thankful for a living prophet today. President Nelson loves us, I certainly believe that. So, what are some of the things he has asked us to do?
In April’s general conference, he said, “I plead with you who have distanced yourselves from the Church and with you who have not yet really sought to know that the Savior’s church has been restored. Do the spiritual work to find out for yourselves, and please do it now. Time is running out.”
·       He has invited us to follow the Savior.
·       He encouraged us to create spiritual homes, a sanctuary of faith, where the spirit of the Lord may dwell.
·       He told us to eat our vitamins and get our rest 😉
·       He encourages us to do better and be better
·       He said that our members stand as rocks in a moving river
·       He said that salvation is an individual matter but exaltation is a family matter
·       He asked us to focus on home study
·       Encouraged us to seek out our spiritual gifts
·       Establish a pattern of regular temple attendance
·       Use the full name of the church
·       Be an active and full member of Relief Society—sisters

There is safety in following the prophet. Much heartache can be spared if we just stay on the straight and narrow path. As we sustain and follow our leaders, we can find happiness and joy even in times of trial.

This past weekend, I had a cousin, whom I have only ever met once in my lifetime, and her son stay with us. They were in town for the funeral of my grandma and needed a place to stay.

Several years ago, she had lost her way. She lived a rebellious life and the consequences of some of her actions had caught up to her, leaving her feeling lost, abused, unhappy, and unworthy of happiness. As we drove in the car together, she told me about everything she was going through. She said, “I see you and your husband and the happy marriage you have, and I want that. But I don’t feel I could ever have what you have, I’m not worth it.” At this point, I started to cry. I felt such a strong sense of Christlike compassion for her. I felt as though the Lord gave me such charity in that moment because I needed to feel a small part of the love He had for her. I put my hand on her shoulder and I said, “I need you to know that although I am a stranger, I want you to have what I have. I want you to know that you are worth it. You are a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves you. He wants you to be happy. Everything that I have in my life that is good, is a direct result of my faith in my Savior and in His gospel. She went on to tell me that she had started praying again very recently but she felt as though she could not return to church. At least not yet. I told her that prayer was a good first step, and that if she could develop a relationship with her Savior, that He would be able to help her carry her burden when it felt too heavy.


Brothers and sisters, I mean it when I say that everything that is good in my life is because of my obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Everything. My Savior is my best friend. I love Him. He has helped me carry my burdens when they were too heavy to carry alone. I have a testimony that this church is a living church. Our prophet today does seek revelation from our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know that he receives such revelation by the power of the Holy Ghost. Without continued revelation, we would be lost, tossed to and fro as if upon the waves of the sea. I thank my Father in Heaven for the prophet and apostles that he sends, as well as for our local leaders who sacrifice so much for us. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

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