A Private Conversation With Luke

Luke is a sensitive kid. He is sensitive to the needs of others, he is sensitive to the spirit, and his heart is big. He wants to be a gynecologist someday because he loves babies and wants to be the doctor who welcomes them into the world. Even after I explained what a gyno does (besides deliver babies), he still wants to be one. It is important to him that he gets to deliver babies, so much so that he doesn't care if he has to do the other stuff as well. I think he will make a great doctor. He will have excellent bed-side manner. 

The other day he came into my room to talk to me alone. He said that his mind was filled with all sorts of emotions and he didn't know how to deal with them, he felt like the only way to turn off his brain was to fall asleep, but he couldn't. I asked him what was on his mind. There was so much! 

The day before I had told him how babies were made. He had very misconstrued ideas about how the sperm got to the egg. He thought that the husband would tell his wife that the sperm was coming, the wife would open her legs and then the sperm would crawl in. It sounded to me like a horror movie. An X-rated horror movie. When he finally understood what I was telling him (mind you, I had told him in very plain terms all about the act of marriage and the law of chastity, I really don't know how he possibly could have misunderstood) he threw his hands up in the air and exclaimed very loudly how disgusted he was at the thought. And I thought, "well, he gets it now... that's the reaction that lets me know." He was worried because it sounded like breaking the commandments. We talked some more about how within the boundaries the Lord has set, the act of marriage is a huge blessing and gift from Heavenly Father.  

The other thing that was on his mind was his prayers. His prayers had gotten really long because he felt he needed to name everyone by name and ask that Heavenly Father protected them all from kidnapping and getting hurt. Then, he felt like he had to ask all of his angels to surround the house and keep us safe. Then, he told me, "But, I don't just want the people in our family to be safe and the people I know to be safe. I want none of the kids in the world to get hurt. I want all children to be safe. But, I don't know all of their names, and I don't know how to make sure that Heavenly Father keeps them all safe." We talked about that. I gave him some suggestions on how I handle things like that in my prayers. 

Then, he told me he was worried that Joshua and Caleb were forgetting to say their prayers at night. He reminds them over and over, and he thinks that they are lying to him about saying their prayers just so that he will stop reminding them. So, we talked about agency. I told him that mom and dad teach correct principles and give our children all of the tools of the gospel so that they can grow their testimonies and make good choices and return home to Heaven. But, our children still have their agency. We cannot force them to choose the right, they have to choose the right because they want to choose the right. I explained how Heavenly Father has given us the gift of agency so that we can progress, it is the only way that we can grow and learn. I explained to him that it is fine to remind his brothers one time to say their prayers, but that he ought to lead by example and love because that is more effective. I told him that I loved seeing his concern over his brothers, but ultimately the weight of their salvation does not rest upon his shoulders. Luckily we have a Savior who's atonement covers the breadth and depth of all that is necessary to gain salvation and exaltation.

Luke was also very concerned about the violence of the world, the sins of the world, and the catastrophes that we have all witnessed this year. This is difficult for me. On one hand, I want to shield my children from the yucky stuff and let them enjoy their innocence. But, on the other hand, if I don't teach them about how to avoid the dangers of the world, the world will teach them. The world will lead them straight into the dangers of pornography and sexual gratification. The world will teach them the world's values of homosexuality and atheism. The world will teach them that abortion is no big deal, and that democracy is old-fashioned and that we ought to be championing socialism and communism. The world will teach them to apologize for the color of their skin. The world will teach them to objectify themselves and that having any kind of moral base is silly and restrictive. I love my kids too much to let the world have them. I cannot childproof the world, but I can world-proof my children, and that happens through Come Follow Me and scripture study. It happens through open and honest dialogue in the safety of our home. I teach them by example, through the scriptures, and by telling them all about our Heavenly Father's plan for his children. If I don't teach them, the world will teach them through cartoons and music, through liberal teachers, and through peers at school. I told Luke that there is nothing he could say that would make me feel embarrassed, nothing he could do that would make me love him less, and nothing he could ask that would make me judge him. My job is to lead him through his struggles, answer his questions, protect him, guide him and love him. But, perhaps I need to focus more on the faith promoting experiences and less on violent current events and natural disasters that are happening around us. There is a balance that needs to be maintained.

I reminded Luke that Heavenly Father saved him specifically for this time because He had faith in Luke's resilience, valiant strength, and moral courage. He was blessed with spiritual gifts that will help him along on his journey. He is a soldier in the Lord's army and he is a choice son of God. We prayed together. I asked Heavenly Father to bless him and strengthen him and help him know his potential and strength. 

I think I'll follow up in the next day or so. He seems happier today though. I think I will also suggest that he writes down his concerns and worries and writes down a list of people that he wants to bless and pray over.

Happy First Day Of School 2020

The kids were incredibly excited to go back to school. They joke that their spring break was 6 months long. They left excited, and Cubby came home exhausted. He said that it was a very boring day because all they did was color. The other kids had great attitudes about the school year, and Joshua was the only one who had homework. Poor kid had to sit by me as I tried to teach him how to organize his binder. He is such a good-humored, well-rounded, quick-witted teenager. He makes me laugh and exasperate at times. I love him to death.

Mercedes and Hannah had to have their hair curled, it was priority #1 this morning. They looked so cute in their matching dresses and curly hair. Luke was a big helper. I wasn't allowed to walk Cub into his classroom and make sure that he knew where to go (stupid Covid). Luke grabbed him by the hand as they hopped out of the car and told me not to worry, that he'd make sure Cub got to where he needed to go. Sweet kid. He's got a big heart.

 

Good Things in 2020

 2020 has been a whirlwind, that's for certain. The other day, I decided to look for the good things around me. Here are some of the things I noticed:

-I had to go to the post office to mail in some transcripts to the AZ department of Education. On the chance that school would eventually go back to in-person learning, I wanted to be prepared to apply as a substitute. This has always been a goal of mine. Once all of my kids became school-age, I had dreams of subbing in their classes part-time, and increasing my temple attendance to a weekly session. Well, it appears as though school is back to in-person learning, the kids start tomorrow, we shall see how long it lasts. However, the temples are still closed with the exception of some live ordinances. Anyway, all of that is a sub-note. I went to the post office and was feeling a little bit down about all that was going on in the world. I filled out the forms that I needed to, turned around and noticed that the line had gotten incredibly long. A man, who appeared to be a little rough around the edges, was standing right behind me. I turned to go to the back of the line and he stopped me. He said that he had noticed that I was there before anyone else, and that I ought to be next in line. He stepped aside to let me stand in front of him in the line. I started to decline his offer, not wanting others to feel as though I was cutting in line, but nobody seemed to mind. So, I thanked him, stood next in line to be called, and then eventually went on with the rest of the day. That experience was small, it was a tiny gesture. But, it taught me that small gestures like that can really help boost one's mood. I felt bad for judging his appearance. It made me want to look for small ways to help another person.

-We got to go to church for the first time in a long time a month ago (today was our second time back as a ward family--we go monthly to the church building and hold home church on the other Sundays). I was excited to go. I love home church, and I have found that my children have been very involved in the preparation, and execution of home church. I have found that their testimonies and knowledge of the scriptures have grown through this unique opportunity. It has been a very special experience to have the sacrament blessed and passed in our home. Yet, there's something about gathering together with other saints and learning and growing together, both in our friendships with one another, but also in our faith and spirituality. Elder Bednar gave a talk recently about the dangers of allowing the government to have the power to restrict religious services. He said that if we are no longer able to gather, over time the faithful with start to scatter. I can see that happening. So, when we were able to walk into the church building for the first time in five months a month ago (even if services were limited to 45 minutes, there would be no singing, members were encouraged to wear masks, and the ward was split into 4 different sessions of up to 50 people), I was so full of happiness. My emotions got the better of me and I had to fight to keep the tears from coming. The feeling surprised me. I'm so thankful for our ward family, and a beautiful church house to worship in, but most of all for the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

-Even though I sometimes I complain about how hard it is to stay on top of the housework when I have a house full of my own kids and many of their cousins, I am also thankful to have them near me nearly nonstop for the past six months. I love having my children home with me, and I am indeed grateful for the relationships that I have with my nieces and nephews. I'm thankful that they love coming to my home, and I am thankful that my home is a gathering place for those I love. The children in my life fill my soul with joy. I hope that my children, and my nieces and nephews, look back on this time and remember it as a time when they felt loved. I hope that they felt like my home was a safe place from the world outside. I hope that they forgive me for the times that I complained under my breath, because sometimes it was hard, and loud, and really chaotic. I hope that they know that I did my best to be positive and cheerful. I hope my kids remember how I tried to make it fun for them. I hope they remember the swims, the hikes, the biking and the walking. I hope they remember the basketball and dodge-ball in the backyard. I hope they remember the Lego room that I made for them, and the blind eye that I turned to their rough housing and ball throwing in the house. I hope my girls and my nieces remember the many dance classes that I taught them, and that I hung mirrors in the loft to make it official. I hope that my nephews remember fondly the many hours of video games that I let them play with my sons. I hope they all remember jumping on the trampoline with ice and the hose. I hope they remember how I bribed them to clean with candy. I hope they remember Pilates and "just dance". I hope my boys remember how I tried playing video games with them, and that I didn't mind at all when they laughed at me because I was so bad. I hope they remember Come Follow Me and father's blessings. 2020 allowed for lots of togetherness. It allowed for growth and patience. It created mountains of laundry, but also endless hours of both creativity and boredom. 2020 was a year of learning how to navigate around each other all hours of the day, every day. And, I am thankful for it. I am really, really going to miss my kids tomorrow. So, after I drop them off at school, and after I dance around the house for an hour in my underwear, I will sit and reflect some more upon all of the many ways that I love the children in my life.  

July and August

Hannah recently talked my parents into taking her on a date. We were at Papa and Grandma's house and she told Papa that he hadn't taken her on a date in a long time. She would not let it go until he was committed. We decided that Speed Camp night was a good night to do it, as long as Mercedes and Cub got to go too. She was fine with that because Mer is a girl and Cub is a little boy so he doesn't count as a full boy ;) They took those three to Bahama Bucks and had a good time. Cub is into cross-eyed smiles and I am a bit over biased about him. I literally think everything he does is cute. I guess that is why the baby of the family is the baby. There's something special about being the baby. You want to drag childhood out a bit longer because they're the last. 

Mercedes had the chance to babysit. She is so excited about babies and babysitting. She was so excited when Nick and Bethany gave her the chance. I found this later that evening. I thought it was so cute.

Hannah has been going on bike rides with me in the mornings. We wet ourselves down before we go, and we ride to the splash pad and wet ourselves down for the ride home. All in all, it's about 6 miles in the AZ heat. It's hard, but I love this quality time with her and she loves going with me. I love Hannah's love for life and her excitement. She spontaneously yells "woohoo" so often and I love it!

I have wanted to take a dance class for awhile now. I LOVE to dance. I can't get enough of it. So, when my friend, Monica, told me about a free dance class, I was beside myself! 

The class is exactly what I needed in my life. I may be pushing 40, but I can move like a 20 year old!!

This picture is when Caleb was so sad. I don't remember what he was upset about, but he was cute so I took a picture. Like I said, I think everything he does is cute. 

We went "camping" at the Frost ranch a couple of weeks back. It was fun! We had a very competitive game of tetherball and all was well until Jon Mark came down wrong and his knee snapped. Poor guy. He's still in pain and will probably need surgery.

I was playing around on my phone and took some pretty neat pictures of the kids.

Joshua has been into making home made rockets and launching them. It kept him busy for a long time and we shot off some high ones.