Jacob 1:7 Wherefore we labored diligently among our people, that we might persuade them to come unto Christ, and partake of the goodness of God, that they might enter into his rest...
19 And we did magnify our office unto the Lord, taking upon us the responsibility
To Jacob, teaching the word of God was more than an assignment from his brother—it was an “errand from the Lord,” so he labored diligently to “magnify [his] office” (Jacob 1:17, 19). President Gordon B. Hinckley taught that we magnify our callings “as we serve with diligence, as we teach with faith and testimony, as we lift and strengthen and build convictions of righteousness in those whose lives we touch” (“Magnify Your Calling,” Ensign, May 1989, 47). Think about your own “[errands] from the Lord” as you read Jacob 1:6–8, 15–19 and 2:1–11.
I studied these verses and topic in Come Follow Me the other day. With church on pause, and our homes being the place of worship, I have had ample time to ponder. I was called on "an errand of the Lord" to be the primary president of my ward. I feel a sense of responsibility for the kids in my care and stewardship. I will not be seeing these kids for some time, perhaps only a month or two, and most of my primary responsibilities are on pause also.
So, how can I minister to these kids if I cannot see them and meet with them? How can I possibly magnify my calling in this capacity?
Every Wednesday I set an hour aside to visit with children, maybe they've had a birthday, or maybe they've just been in my thoughts, but every Wednesday I go on visits. I either hand out a birthday card and candy, or if it isn't a birthday visit, I hand write a note on the back of a picture of Jesus and I give them that. Yesterday I had the thought of handwriting a note to every single child in my primary on the back of a picture of Jesus, that's 80 kids. I strapped on my roller blades and placed a note on each child's door as I roller-bladed around the neighborhood. So far, I am already about 1/3 of the way done. I don't know if it will mean much to the kids, but at least they'll know that I care about them and I am thinking of them. I tried really hard to make each note very personal. I feel like this was an answer to my prayer about how to both magnify my calling at this time, and also how to minister.
It is my prayer that as I put forth my greatest effort to serve in this calling, the Lord will make up for what I lack and perhaps great things will happen in our primary. I hope and pray that each child will know that they are a child of a loving God who knows them and loves them. That perhaps they will see my personal note and think of Christ, and think that if their primary president loves them and knows them, then surely He must also.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Corona Virus
This past week or so has been interesting. A new virus has swept across the globe, originating in China. It seems the whole world is on pause as for the first time in my life. And, perhaps unprecedented, church is cancelled, conference is televised only, temples are on a modified schedule (only live ordinances), and missionaries are quarantined. We've been advised to stay in our homes and avoid crowds larger than 10 people. School is cancelled, and work places are shutting down. It feels like the twilight zone. People are panicking and hoarding toilet paper, food, and cleaning supplies. It's a good thing we have a bidet. I feel men's hearts are failing them in many instances. The virus is scary for the elderly. Many have died, and many are at risk.
I am thankful for a living prophet. He's calm, asks us to increase our spirituality. He's a doctor himself. A year ago he implemented Come Follow Me, a home centered, church supported program and now we are having church in our own homes. He told us to get our rest and eat our vitamins. This conference was promised to be one that we would never forget. It is the 200th anniversary since Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ which was the beginning the restoration of the gospel. We had tickets to go to Salt Lake and experience it in person. He told us that if we prepared for this conference, it would be life changing. We have been preparing as a family ever since he asked us to. Now it is televised only, I don't think that has ever happened before. It surely is memorable already. Studying the early church history, the first vision, the scriptures, has been a sweet experience for my family. I have come to know and love Joseph Smith, not just as a prophet, but as a man. He was a man who made mistakes and was not perfect, but he was incredibly faithful and endured to the end. He was humble and quick to repent. He was a great man! I am excited for conference, even if it is not in person. Now, at this time of uncertainty, when so many are fearing, our prophet is telling us to not fear, but build our faith and use this time to focus on our faith in Jesus Christ. He blessed us that we may see how sweet home gospel study can be. It has been sweet!
While the economy may suffer, and many will die, this pause has been special to me so far. It seems as though the Lord wanted us to take a time out. Perhaps we needed a time-out from distractions and the fast pace of life, to help us remember Him and to pray again for our world and leaders. As we have sat in home, I've enjoyed watching my kids play. Their relationships with one another are strengthening. I've tried to keep to a schedule: Screen time, play time, exercise hour, chore hour, school hour, quiet time, screen time. It has helped. We've gone on walks together. I've hiked with them and roller-bladed with them. We've eaten dinner outside and had good discussions. Truthfully, this time for me, so far, has been a joy.
We've been told for a year now to increase our personal righteousness and faith. In a recent address to the Saints about preparing the world for the second coming of Christ, President Nelson said the following:
...we live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.
I am thankful for a living prophet. He's calm, asks us to increase our spirituality. He's a doctor himself. A year ago he implemented Come Follow Me, a home centered, church supported program and now we are having church in our own homes. He told us to get our rest and eat our vitamins. This conference was promised to be one that we would never forget. It is the 200th anniversary since Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ which was the beginning the restoration of the gospel. We had tickets to go to Salt Lake and experience it in person. He told us that if we prepared for this conference, it would be life changing. We have been preparing as a family ever since he asked us to. Now it is televised only, I don't think that has ever happened before. It surely is memorable already. Studying the early church history, the first vision, the scriptures, has been a sweet experience for my family. I have come to know and love Joseph Smith, not just as a prophet, but as a man. He was a man who made mistakes and was not perfect, but he was incredibly faithful and endured to the end. He was humble and quick to repent. He was a great man! I am excited for conference, even if it is not in person. Now, at this time of uncertainty, when so many are fearing, our prophet is telling us to not fear, but build our faith and use this time to focus on our faith in Jesus Christ. He blessed us that we may see how sweet home gospel study can be. It has been sweet!
While the economy may suffer, and many will die, this pause has been special to me so far. It seems as though the Lord wanted us to take a time out. Perhaps we needed a time-out from distractions and the fast pace of life, to help us remember Him and to pray again for our world and leaders. As we have sat in home, I've enjoyed watching my kids play. Their relationships with one another are strengthening. I've tried to keep to a schedule: Screen time, play time, exercise hour, chore hour, school hour, quiet time, screen time. It has helped. We've gone on walks together. I've hiked with them and roller-bladed with them. We've eaten dinner outside and had good discussions. Truthfully, this time for me, so far, has been a joy.
We've been told for a year now to increase our personal righteousness and faith. In a recent address to the Saints about preparing the world for the second coming of Christ, President Nelson said the following:
...we live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.
Why do we need such resilient faith? Because difficult days are ahead. Rarely in the future will it be easy or popular to be a faithful Latter-day Saint. Each of us will be tested. The Apostle Paul warned that in the latter days, those who diligently follow the Lord “shall suffer persecution” (2 Timothy 3:12). That very persecution can either crush you into silent weakness or motivate you to be more exemplary and courageous in your daily lives.
How you deal with life’s trials is part of the development of your faith. Strength comes when you remember that you have a divine nature, an inheritance of infinite worth. The Lord has reminded you, your children, and your grandchildren that you are lawful heirs, that you have been reserved in heaven for your specific time and place to be born, to grow and become His standard bearers and covenant people. As you walk in the Lord’s path of righteousness, you will be blessed to continue in His goodness and be a light and a savior unto His people (see Doctrine and Covenants 86:8–11).
Do whatever it takes to strengthen your faith in Jesus Christ by increasing your understanding of the doctrine taught in His restored Church and by relentlessly seeking truth. Anchored in pure doctrine, you will be able to step forward with faith and dogged persistence and cheerfully do all that lies in your power to fulfill the purposes of the Lord.
You will have days when you will be discouraged. So pray for courage not to give up! Sadly, some who you thought were your friends will betray you. And some things will simply seem unfair.
However, I promise you that as you follow Jesus Christ, you will find sustained peace and true joy. As you keep your covenants with increasing precision, and as you defend the Church and kingdom of God on the earth today, the Lord will bless you with strength and wisdom to accomplish what only members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can accomplish.
We are to be builders of an individual faith in God, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and faith in His Church. We are to build families and be sealed in holy temples. We are to build the Church and kingdom of God upon the earth (see Matthew 6:33). We are to prepare for our own divine destiny: glory, immortality, and eternal lives (see Romans 2:7; Doctrine and Covenants 75:5).
I humbly testify to you that—as the Prophet Joseph Smith proclaimed—the restored gospel of Jesus Christ “will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done” (History of the Church, 4:540).
We are engaged in the work of Almighty God. I pray for His blessings to be with each and every one of you.
I want to choose to follow the prophet and find joy right now, and not be weighed down in fear. And, I've found that joy.
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Just Checking In
I wanted to just check in.
Some things that I want to remember:
--I want to remember the sweet and tender pillow talk that I get to experience with Jon Mark on weekend mornings. Our kids think we sleep in really late. The truth is, we stay in bed talking and laughing, in intimate husband and wife moments that I am so glad are only meant for me. He's one of a kind and my kind of perfect. Our marriage will hit the milestone of 15 years this June. It's been a sweet ride so far. I don't feel like I should be as old as I am, but if I'm getting older, I'm glad I get to get older with him. Last night I didn't fall asleep until 5:19 am (or at least that's the last time I looked at the clock). I tried really hard this time to not wake him up, but when I get to that point of complete frustration where the tears start to flow, then all I want to do is wake him up to spend time with him, to have him remind me that I am not alone, and to hear the way he adds humor to the situation. I snuggle up next to him and I seem to fit perfectly below his chin along the curve of his body. I listen to his breathing and his heartbeat and eventually I fall asleep, even if it is only for a couple of hours. The Lord always blesses me with the energy and the patience that I need to get through the day. (As a side note, I should add that I have been on a really long "good cycle" with my sleep). Jon Mark gives so much to me that honestly I can't write it all here. Those moments are meant for just the two of us and it should suffice the reader to know that my marriage is a good one. It's a strong one. It's not fragile or weak. Our marriage is happy and fulfilling, full of all the good stuff that a marriage should be full of. My husband is a strength to me. I love him.
--I want to remember the orneriness of my eldest son as he approaches teenage hood. He is testing his wings and pulling away from me. But no matter how much he pulls away, he always comes back to me with unexpected hugs. Every night he still says, "I love and appreciate you" and he keeps saying it until he hears the same thing from Jon Mark and I to him. He has a way of laughing at small things and not letting most things worry him to much. However, the other day he was very worried and frustrated about his grades. I found him sobbing in his room into his pillow (not like him at all), it had worried Mercedes. I climbed onto his bunk bed and sat next to him, remembering all of the times I used to tuck him in. I'd have to stand on my tippy toes on the bed beneath his just to reach him. Sometimes I would climb up next to him and cuddle him and sing to him. I can't even remember the last time I did that. So, although he was crying, if I pushed back his beautiful blonde hair off of his forehead, I could still see my little boy. Although not quite so little, he was laying there feeling vulnerable and frustrated. He needed me at that moment. It occurred to me then, that while he may not need so much of his physical needs met from me anymore, he has even more need for me to listen to him and guide him along the sidelines as he finds his place this world. So I did. He's turning into such a great young man, a leader, a goofball, a friend, and a valiant soldier in the Lord's army.
--I want to remember how Mercedes always seems to find her way into the kitchen to help me cook. I want to remember how she generally smiles through the sass and is quick to forgive. She's turning into a young woman but still thrives on one on one time together. She likes to talk, and I hope I'm not always brushing her aside, but sometimes that girl can talk and talk and talk. The other day she asked to talk to me. I said, "about what?" She said anything and everything. She likes physical contact during family movie time. She loves her dad. She's such a great student that I think I take for granted just how responsible she is. I hope she knows how much I love her. Sometimes I worry that I am not balancing the corrections ("Mercedes, tone...") with the positive deposits into her emotional bank account. I guess that's what motherhood is about. It's waking up each day and pleading with the Lord that He guides my efforts, grants me patience to get through the day, it's trying my best and praying that it's enough. She is such a sweet girl who thrives of quality time. She is growing up so fast that I can hardly see it with my eyes, until one day I look at her and see that she is changing. If only time could freeze for a moment and that time would give me back my messy-haired, cherub, angel-faced little girl who said things like, "today I get my tookie" as she wandered around the house in mis-matched clothes carrying her blanket in one hand and her baby doll in the other. That little girl had a stubbornness about her that was so fiery, and yet her heart was so tender it could break. That little girl would declare out of the blue that she wasn't tired and then fall asleep two seconds later. I remember watching her sleep, her face framed by her yellow, blonde curls, and thinking that she looked so beautiful. I miss her sometimes, but watching Mercedes grow into a mature young lady has been a delight.
--I want to remember how Luke put Hannah up to decorating the upstairs for Mercedes and had a sign that said, "My life would be lost without you in it" or something along those lines. Mercedes didn't want to go upstairs (she didn't know what they had done for her), and she kind of got mad at them every time they tried to get her to go upstairs. So, she got put in time-out until she was ready to be a kind sister and go with her younger brother and sister up the stairs. She was so happy when she saw what they had done for her. She went on their treasure hunt and at the end of it, Luke had given her a dollar. It was sweet. Luke has a big heart. He's also a Casanova. He really wanted a Valentine this year. We made sure he knew that having a Valentine didn't mean that he had a girlfriend and that it was just something fun to do. We were not prepared for what he did. He selected his favorite Valentine to give to a girl named Alley. Then, at the end of the day, he asked her if she would be his Valentine. Another boy also liked this girl and asked her to be his Valentine too. Luke told me after school, "don't worry mom, I know how to convince girls that I am the better choice. I sweetened the deal with candy. She chose me." The girl gave him her address and said that they could be pen pals. He came home right then and wrote her a letter that read, "Alley, I love you because you are nice to others and you are smart. If I was older, I would want to be a boyfriend to you, but I can't because we are too young." I didn't let him send that one. We had a talk and he reworded it to be a little less lovey-dovey. He did, however, make her a book mark that had a charm on it that said "you and me" and he told me that that was a huge hint that he liked her. Luke loves me, he always remembers me and wants to make sure I am safe and taken care of. He's such a sweet boy. I want to remember that he always remembers to kiss me, no matter what.
--I want to remember the way Hannah dances to everything. I know that I write about that a lot. But, it is so Hannah when she dances. She lights up, really feels the music, and dances her feelings. I love it so much! I haven't seen anyone love to dance more than she does. I want to remember how her big blue eyes light up when she laughs. Hannah is a tease, and sometimes she whines too much, but for the most part she is a happy little girl. Like her sister, she likes to help in the kitchen. She stirs and pours, she isn't quite as independent as Mercedes, but she'd like to be. Sometimes I worry that I don't give her enough attention aside from practicing dance with her, so it's not surprising that she's been my little shadow recently. I'm afraid it's just a stage that she will out grow. And, I know that she should out grow it to some extent. She's meant to do great things without me, and yet I'll be so sad when she stops thinking that I am the coolest person out there. Perhaps I'll be able to hold onto some of my cool status in her eyes. Hannah makes friends easily and loves school. She loves to send her teacher pictures through email. She's smart and follows in her older sister's footprints of being a good student. She loves fashion and is quite good at putting an outfit together. She loves her boots and her reflection ;) My sweet, sweet Hannah. Oh, how I love you! You bring so much joy and sunshine and delight to my life. I miss you when you aren't around, I hope you'll always want to be my shadow, but don't stay there, you were meant to shine.
--I want to remember Caleb coming down the stairs this morning and saying, "am I starting kindergarten today? I'm five now." Yes, he is five now and he lets us know it. He got some Legos for his birthday and wanted Jessica to help him build it. She wasn't working fast enough, and with a task master demeanor he pointed at her and commanded, "build!" He loves to be big. He let's us know that he is no longer little. Today, at Cade's house, he and Cade escaped and went into a neighbor's back yard. When Cade's mom found them, she asked them whether or not they should have known better. He hung his head and said, "yes, I am five now, I should have known better." He's also noticed that Jessica's chest is a lot bigger than mine. He was sitting on my lap yesterday and said that Jessica has "those" out to here (he held his hands cupped hands far away from his chest). He said that mine were much smaller and put his cupped hands closer to his chest "like this big" he said. Then, he paused and scrunched his nose and said, "Actually, actually they are this big" and he pressed both of his cupped hands onto his chest inferring that I was rather flat chested. LOL. He's scared to be more than two feet away from me when no one else is home. I reminded him that in his blessing as a newborn, Jon Mark had blessed him with courage and that as the events of the second coming draw near, he'd help his older brothers and sisters be brave. That gave him a bit of courage. His newest thing to say is, "why do brudders and sisters get all da fun and I get no things that are fun." Or, "why do brudders and sisters get all the things and I get none of the things. My toys are this big and they're toys are a lot bigger than mine." He is the perfect caboose to our family and I am going to miss him like crazy next year.
--I want to remember all of the chapters of my adult life: the newly married chapter that taught me how to love romantically, how to communicate my feelings, how to let go and be kind. The chapter of new motherhood that taught me how to give of myself so completely and tenderly. The chapter of having multiple little children; that chapter taught me even more about giving and self-sacrifice, there was so much selfless sacrifice and I would not ever change those sacred moments. The chapter of young children--school-age children mixed with newborns that taught me to remember to choose fun and excitement when possible. The passage of time seemed real in this chapter, as it had slowed enough for me to see my children literally growing before my watching eyes. I want to remember the chapter of having only one of my children home with me, my days revolving around him, and this chapter is winding to a close. This is the final chapter of mothering a young child. Once this chapter closes, a whole new set of chapters await me, and they feel so foreign and different. I have a lot of thoughts swirling about inside my mind. I've written about them all before. The firsts of the lasts. I don't have the energy to write them right now. It feels too tender to describe. Next year, I'll be working outside the home, all of my children will be in school. I'm not quite ready to think that far ahead, about what that will be like, so that is a post for another day. Today, I think I'll just sit and enjoy the few months of this chapter that I have left. Today I think I'll just remember to remember.
Some things that I want to remember:
--I want to remember the sweet and tender pillow talk that I get to experience with Jon Mark on weekend mornings. Our kids think we sleep in really late. The truth is, we stay in bed talking and laughing, in intimate husband and wife moments that I am so glad are only meant for me. He's one of a kind and my kind of perfect. Our marriage will hit the milestone of 15 years this June. It's been a sweet ride so far. I don't feel like I should be as old as I am, but if I'm getting older, I'm glad I get to get older with him. Last night I didn't fall asleep until 5:19 am (or at least that's the last time I looked at the clock). I tried really hard this time to not wake him up, but when I get to that point of complete frustration where the tears start to flow, then all I want to do is wake him up to spend time with him, to have him remind me that I am not alone, and to hear the way he adds humor to the situation. I snuggle up next to him and I seem to fit perfectly below his chin along the curve of his body. I listen to his breathing and his heartbeat and eventually I fall asleep, even if it is only for a couple of hours. The Lord always blesses me with the energy and the patience that I need to get through the day. (As a side note, I should add that I have been on a really long "good cycle" with my sleep). Jon Mark gives so much to me that honestly I can't write it all here. Those moments are meant for just the two of us and it should suffice the reader to know that my marriage is a good one. It's a strong one. It's not fragile or weak. Our marriage is happy and fulfilling, full of all the good stuff that a marriage should be full of. My husband is a strength to me. I love him.
--I want to remember the orneriness of my eldest son as he approaches teenage hood. He is testing his wings and pulling away from me. But no matter how much he pulls away, he always comes back to me with unexpected hugs. Every night he still says, "I love and appreciate you" and he keeps saying it until he hears the same thing from Jon Mark and I to him. He has a way of laughing at small things and not letting most things worry him to much. However, the other day he was very worried and frustrated about his grades. I found him sobbing in his room into his pillow (not like him at all), it had worried Mercedes. I climbed onto his bunk bed and sat next to him, remembering all of the times I used to tuck him in. I'd have to stand on my tippy toes on the bed beneath his just to reach him. Sometimes I would climb up next to him and cuddle him and sing to him. I can't even remember the last time I did that. So, although he was crying, if I pushed back his beautiful blonde hair off of his forehead, I could still see my little boy. Although not quite so little, he was laying there feeling vulnerable and frustrated. He needed me at that moment. It occurred to me then, that while he may not need so much of his physical needs met from me anymore, he has even more need for me to listen to him and guide him along the sidelines as he finds his place this world. So I did. He's turning into such a great young man, a leader, a goofball, a friend, and a valiant soldier in the Lord's army.
--I want to remember how Mercedes always seems to find her way into the kitchen to help me cook. I want to remember how she generally smiles through the sass and is quick to forgive. She's turning into a young woman but still thrives on one on one time together. She likes to talk, and I hope I'm not always brushing her aside, but sometimes that girl can talk and talk and talk. The other day she asked to talk to me. I said, "about what?" She said anything and everything. She likes physical contact during family movie time. She loves her dad. She's such a great student that I think I take for granted just how responsible she is. I hope she knows how much I love her. Sometimes I worry that I am not balancing the corrections ("Mercedes, tone...") with the positive deposits into her emotional bank account. I guess that's what motherhood is about. It's waking up each day and pleading with the Lord that He guides my efforts, grants me patience to get through the day, it's trying my best and praying that it's enough. She is such a sweet girl who thrives of quality time. She is growing up so fast that I can hardly see it with my eyes, until one day I look at her and see that she is changing. If only time could freeze for a moment and that time would give me back my messy-haired, cherub, angel-faced little girl who said things like, "today I get my tookie" as she wandered around the house in mis-matched clothes carrying her blanket in one hand and her baby doll in the other. That little girl had a stubbornness about her that was so fiery, and yet her heart was so tender it could break. That little girl would declare out of the blue that she wasn't tired and then fall asleep two seconds later. I remember watching her sleep, her face framed by her yellow, blonde curls, and thinking that she looked so beautiful. I miss her sometimes, but watching Mercedes grow into a mature young lady has been a delight.
--I want to remember how Luke put Hannah up to decorating the upstairs for Mercedes and had a sign that said, "My life would be lost without you in it" or something along those lines. Mercedes didn't want to go upstairs (she didn't know what they had done for her), and she kind of got mad at them every time they tried to get her to go upstairs. So, she got put in time-out until she was ready to be a kind sister and go with her younger brother and sister up the stairs. She was so happy when she saw what they had done for her. She went on their treasure hunt and at the end of it, Luke had given her a dollar. It was sweet. Luke has a big heart. He's also a Casanova. He really wanted a Valentine this year. We made sure he knew that having a Valentine didn't mean that he had a girlfriend and that it was just something fun to do. We were not prepared for what he did. He selected his favorite Valentine to give to a girl named Alley. Then, at the end of the day, he asked her if she would be his Valentine. Another boy also liked this girl and asked her to be his Valentine too. Luke told me after school, "don't worry mom, I know how to convince girls that I am the better choice. I sweetened the deal with candy. She chose me." The girl gave him her address and said that they could be pen pals. He came home right then and wrote her a letter that read, "Alley, I love you because you are nice to others and you are smart. If I was older, I would want to be a boyfriend to you, but I can't because we are too young." I didn't let him send that one. We had a talk and he reworded it to be a little less lovey-dovey. He did, however, make her a book mark that had a charm on it that said "you and me" and he told me that that was a huge hint that he liked her. Luke loves me, he always remembers me and wants to make sure I am safe and taken care of. He's such a sweet boy. I want to remember that he always remembers to kiss me, no matter what.
--I want to remember the way Hannah dances to everything. I know that I write about that a lot. But, it is so Hannah when she dances. She lights up, really feels the music, and dances her feelings. I love it so much! I haven't seen anyone love to dance more than she does. I want to remember how her big blue eyes light up when she laughs. Hannah is a tease, and sometimes she whines too much, but for the most part she is a happy little girl. Like her sister, she likes to help in the kitchen. She stirs and pours, she isn't quite as independent as Mercedes, but she'd like to be. Sometimes I worry that I don't give her enough attention aside from practicing dance with her, so it's not surprising that she's been my little shadow recently. I'm afraid it's just a stage that she will out grow. And, I know that she should out grow it to some extent. She's meant to do great things without me, and yet I'll be so sad when she stops thinking that I am the coolest person out there. Perhaps I'll be able to hold onto some of my cool status in her eyes. Hannah makes friends easily and loves school. She loves to send her teacher pictures through email. She's smart and follows in her older sister's footprints of being a good student. She loves fashion and is quite good at putting an outfit together. She loves her boots and her reflection ;) My sweet, sweet Hannah. Oh, how I love you! You bring so much joy and sunshine and delight to my life. I miss you when you aren't around, I hope you'll always want to be my shadow, but don't stay there, you were meant to shine.
--I want to remember Caleb coming down the stairs this morning and saying, "am I starting kindergarten today? I'm five now." Yes, he is five now and he lets us know it. He got some Legos for his birthday and wanted Jessica to help him build it. She wasn't working fast enough, and with a task master demeanor he pointed at her and commanded, "build!" He loves to be big. He let's us know that he is no longer little. Today, at Cade's house, he and Cade escaped and went into a neighbor's back yard. When Cade's mom found them, she asked them whether or not they should have known better. He hung his head and said, "yes, I am five now, I should have known better." He's also noticed that Jessica's chest is a lot bigger than mine. He was sitting on my lap yesterday and said that Jessica has "those" out to here (he held his hands cupped hands far away from his chest). He said that mine were much smaller and put his cupped hands closer to his chest "like this big" he said. Then, he paused and scrunched his nose and said, "Actually, actually they are this big" and he pressed both of his cupped hands onto his chest inferring that I was rather flat chested. LOL. He's scared to be more than two feet away from me when no one else is home. I reminded him that in his blessing as a newborn, Jon Mark had blessed him with courage and that as the events of the second coming draw near, he'd help his older brothers and sisters be brave. That gave him a bit of courage. His newest thing to say is, "why do brudders and sisters get all da fun and I get no things that are fun." Or, "why do brudders and sisters get all the things and I get none of the things. My toys are this big and they're toys are a lot bigger than mine." He is the perfect caboose to our family and I am going to miss him like crazy next year.
--I want to remember all of the chapters of my adult life: the newly married chapter that taught me how to love romantically, how to communicate my feelings, how to let go and be kind. The chapter of new motherhood that taught me how to give of myself so completely and tenderly. The chapter of having multiple little children; that chapter taught me even more about giving and self-sacrifice, there was so much selfless sacrifice and I would not ever change those sacred moments. The chapter of young children--school-age children mixed with newborns that taught me to remember to choose fun and excitement when possible. The passage of time seemed real in this chapter, as it had slowed enough for me to see my children literally growing before my watching eyes. I want to remember the chapter of having only one of my children home with me, my days revolving around him, and this chapter is winding to a close. This is the final chapter of mothering a young child. Once this chapter closes, a whole new set of chapters await me, and they feel so foreign and different. I have a lot of thoughts swirling about inside my mind. I've written about them all before. The firsts of the lasts. I don't have the energy to write them right now. It feels too tender to describe. Next year, I'll be working outside the home, all of my children will be in school. I'm not quite ready to think that far ahead, about what that will be like, so that is a post for another day. Today, I think I'll just sit and enjoy the few months of this chapter that I have left. Today I think I'll just remember to remember.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)