Caleb is silly.
He has been scared to go anywhere in the house without another person being wherever he is. He told me that he is scared of invincible monsters. Then, he added that Joshua is invincible.
The other day in church he had a really hard time being reverent. When the kids babysit, they always write up a report card for each kid they watch and then give Jon Mark and I the report when we get home. Well, I think Cub knew he was being irreverent because he turned to me out of the blue and said, "Did Jesus say that Caleb gets an A-?" I said, "no, you probably getting something more along the lines of a C." To which he replied, "I am still a good boy!"
Caleb still looks up to Joshua and he told me the other day that he wanted to change his name to Joshua. Ha Ha!
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Hannah
Hannah was so excited to lose her first tooth. She was so excited she kept asking Jon Mark (and everyone really) to punch her in the mouth. Ha Ha! When it was finally ready, Jaron pulled it out. She spent so many minutes admiring her new smile in front of the mirror.
My mom and dad have a thing now where my mom says yes to everything because she's tired of being the no person. My dad is not used to being the one to say no, and the grandkids think it's pretty funny. The other day the kids had already had quite a few treats and ice cream cake for Luke's birthday, so I was surprised when I turned around and saw the kids eating candy canes. On video, I said, who gave you guys candy canes?! Hannah said, "Grandma did, she is the yes grandma now, don't you remember?!"
Hannah wanted to write a song like Luke, so here is her song.
This is the beginning of my song I will love Jesus all along. Tomorrow I'll be six years old, six years old is bold, or so I am told (that line pretty much comes from Luke's song). Jesus loves me, I love him too, I know this is true. It is so blue. Blue is the color of the dark moon. We'll love Jesus and His stories too. Jesus got resurrected on Easter blue. It is so nice to be in blue. Love everybody, love Jesus too. And I love you. I'll see you tomorrow, this is the end of my song. Goodbye for all your life. This is the second verse of my song, I'll be so strong for all my life, in there I'll make it anywhere. Anywhere you could be is anywhere I could be. I'm so bold and strong. Ok, bye bye, see you tomorrow.
My mom and dad have a thing now where my mom says yes to everything because she's tired of being the no person. My dad is not used to being the one to say no, and the grandkids think it's pretty funny. The other day the kids had already had quite a few treats and ice cream cake for Luke's birthday, so I was surprised when I turned around and saw the kids eating candy canes. On video, I said, who gave you guys candy canes?! Hannah said, "Grandma did, she is the yes grandma now, don't you remember?!"
Hannah wanted to write a song like Luke, so here is her song.
This is the beginning of my song I will love Jesus all along. Tomorrow I'll be six years old, six years old is bold, or so I am told (that line pretty much comes from Luke's song). Jesus loves me, I love him too, I know this is true. It is so blue. Blue is the color of the dark moon. We'll love Jesus and His stories too. Jesus got resurrected on Easter blue. It is so nice to be in blue. Love everybody, love Jesus too. And I love you. I'll see you tomorrow, this is the end of my song. Goodbye for all your life. This is the second verse of my song, I'll be so strong for all my life, in there I'll make it anywhere. Anywhere you could be is anywhere I could be. I'm so bold and strong. Ok, bye bye, see you tomorrow.
Luke Updates
Luke also enjoyed playing soccer this year. He was on Barrett's team and did really well for his first time. He's got some natural athleticism to him, his only downfall is his own motivation at times. But, if he keeps working hard, he will be very good at sports.
Luke was baptized this past month. He wrote his poem about baptism and shared it. He looked so handsome in his new church clothes. He was excited to have Kevin and Jax there. Luke was very excited about receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. A few days after he was baptized we were driving in the car listening to music. I turned around and saw tears pouring down his cheeks. He asked me if the song was a church song (it was American Soldier by Toby Keith). I told him it wasn't a church song but that it taught Christlike principles and the willingness to die for what is right and for others who are too weak to fight for themselves. He told me that the Holy Ghost taught him during that song. He had similar experiences with I Can Only Imagine (which is a song about seeing Christ again) and the song, If Tomorrow Never Comes.
The other day he came up to me and told me that he had had a dream and in the dream Heavenly Father wanted him to write a song about Jesus. The words, Hallelujah Hallelujah God has sent His Son needed to be in it. So, I helped him write his thoughts down. The words and lines are his, I just helped him rearrange some words so that it rhymed.
Hallelujah hallelujah God has sent His Son
He walked on earth and healed our wounds the battle over death was won.
Hallelujah hallelujah He will come again
When fire rains and sin is gone, and I will shout Amen!
I was in heaven, I was a great soldier, I was saved for the last days,
I know I'll never leave, I know I'll stay strong, I'll always follow in His ways.
Hallelujah Hallelujah I will rise again!
Luke was baptized this past month. He wrote his poem about baptism and shared it. He looked so handsome in his new church clothes. He was excited to have Kevin and Jax there. Luke was very excited about receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. A few days after he was baptized we were driving in the car listening to music. I turned around and saw tears pouring down his cheeks. He asked me if the song was a church song (it was American Soldier by Toby Keith). I told him it wasn't a church song but that it taught Christlike principles and the willingness to die for what is right and for others who are too weak to fight for themselves. He told me that the Holy Ghost taught him during that song. He had similar experiences with I Can Only Imagine (which is a song about seeing Christ again) and the song, If Tomorrow Never Comes.
The other day he came up to me and told me that he had had a dream and in the dream Heavenly Father wanted him to write a song about Jesus. The words, Hallelujah Hallelujah God has sent His Son needed to be in it. So, I helped him write his thoughts down. The words and lines are his, I just helped him rearrange some words so that it rhymed.
Hallelujah hallelujah God has sent His Son
He walked on earth and healed our wounds the battle over death was won.
Hallelujah hallelujah He will come again
When fire rains and sin is gone, and I will shout Amen!
I was in heaven, I was a great soldier, I was saved for the last days,
I know I'll never leave, I know I'll stay strong, I'll always follow in His ways.
Hallelujah Hallelujah I will rise again!
Mercedes Updates
Mercedes had a great time playing soccer this Spring. She showed great motivation and even though it was hot, most days she gave it her all. Her coaches fed her pizza and soda on their last practice together and Mer got quite a belly ache. She didn't want to quit, however, but when it became clear that running just wasn't going to be able to happen, she sadly told her team goodbye and went home with me.
Mercedes has a tender heart, and unlike Joshua, her emotions are always near the surface. We celebrated Gavin's life with his annual birthday party. She cried and cried because she wonders how things would be if he was alive. She mourns the could have beens. She also cried quite a bit when Jax left with Kevin to go home to Utah after visiting for a week. She really took a liking to Jax and really followed him around keeping him safe and playing with him. I think on some level she recognizes that the period of time in between visits changes things. He will always have to warm up to her all over again.
Today she was sad because it was our last day in our ward. We move this weekend into our new house and goodbyes are difficult. She is especially sad that we will be out of my parents ward and Nick and Bethany's ward. She enjoys sitting in between my parents every Sunday and having that special time with them.
Mer is a very attentive girl when it comes to safety and rule following. She has a keen sense of responsibility. The other day, there were many nieces and nephews in the pool. One of the younger ones jumped in and was floating face down in the water. The adults didn't notice until I saw Mer trying to swim holding the toddler above her head on his back. She made it to the side and pushed him out over the edge to safety. I asked her about it and she said, "I saw him floating face down and thought, he doesn't know how to swim, I should save him." It wasn't very long. And, the adults were only momentarily distracted, I hope I would have turned around and seen it right away, but Mer acted so fast and possibly saved his life. That's my girl.
Mercedes has a tender heart, and unlike Joshua, her emotions are always near the surface. We celebrated Gavin's life with his annual birthday party. She cried and cried because she wonders how things would be if he was alive. She mourns the could have beens. She also cried quite a bit when Jax left with Kevin to go home to Utah after visiting for a week. She really took a liking to Jax and really followed him around keeping him safe and playing with him. I think on some level she recognizes that the period of time in between visits changes things. He will always have to warm up to her all over again.
Today she was sad because it was our last day in our ward. We move this weekend into our new house and goodbyes are difficult. She is especially sad that we will be out of my parents ward and Nick and Bethany's ward. She enjoys sitting in between my parents every Sunday and having that special time with them.
Mer is a very attentive girl when it comes to safety and rule following. She has a keen sense of responsibility. The other day, there were many nieces and nephews in the pool. One of the younger ones jumped in and was floating face down in the water. The adults didn't notice until I saw Mer trying to swim holding the toddler above her head on his back. She made it to the side and pushed him out over the edge to safety. I asked her about it and she said, "I saw him floating face down and thought, he doesn't know how to swim, I should save him." It wasn't very long. And, the adults were only momentarily distracted, I hope I would have turned around and seen it right away, but Mer acted so fast and possibly saved his life. That's my girl.
Joshua-- and My Reflections on Motherhood
Joshua is a very easy kid to parent. He's a sweet boy with a big heart. Although he doesn't always wear his emotions on his sleeve, he is quick to be a peacemaker, quick to give me hugs, he thinks very intuitively and likes to ponder about how things work.
I was going through my phone and found a paragraph he had written. It was his theory about G force and how objects dropped in a car don't fly into the back window. Here is what he wrote:
"Did you know that the reason we don't fly off the earth is because of g force. The earth's gravity is stronger than the g force. If I throw a crayon in the air, it would not hit the back of the car, is because it has the same momentum as the car, and that is also why we don't land in Europe when we jump (because the earth is spinning at jet speed, and we are traveling the same course at the same speed)."
The other day, Hannah lost her first tooth. It was bleeding a lot, and I don't like blood. Joshua acted very grown up and went and got me a wet paper towel and helped stop the bleeding.
Sometimes I marvel at how grown up my kids have become and just how fast time has gone by. To think that this young man in front of me was the same little boy who used to ask me if he was being a useful engine, because he loved watching Thomas the Train so much, just makes my heart hurt and rejoice at the same time. He is my oldest, with that comes a lot of firsts. The first child to ride a bike, the first child to lose a tooth, the first child to get the Lord's holy priesthood, etc. With my middle children, I have the opportunity to kind of live in those moments better, with my younger children, those same moments carry a twinge of sadness that lurks secretly below the surface because those moments--although firsts for them--are last moments for me. They are the last first steps, the last nursing session at 3 am, the last time a baby of mine chewed through the words "mama" and "dada" for the first time, and the last time one of my own cried for me as I snuck out of the nursery room at church when I left them for the first time. So while sometimes I get caught up in the first first times with my oldest and there is a lot of excitement with those moments, time still sneaks up on me and punches me in the stomach. I suddenly become very aware that this young man in front of me is not that same terrified little kindergartner who squeezed a death grip on the playground bars and pressed his wet cheeks against those same bars and cried out for me to not leave him. He's taken chances and hurdled over childhood mountains to become confident and capable, and surprises me at times with a mature sense of being.
Sometimes I still think of myself as that young, inexperienced mother. That mother who's nights were full of nursing and changing, and bad dreams, and army crawling out of bedrooms. That mother who had nights that spilled over into days full of prayers and tears and worry and joy, sticky kisses, and fists full of dandelions. There were park dates and play dates, fights over holding my hand and sitting by me at the table... those moments... those moments that seem to pass so slowly that sometimes I had to get really creative with how I spent my time so that I didn't go insane. Those days were so full of diapers and babies that needed me so much, finding any moment alone was heavenly. My body was needed by others so constantly. Those days made me realize just how much I was capable of giving of myself and loving so completely and yet always feeling like I was falling short. How many nights had sat outside a bedroom door and listened to the cries of my baby who was learning how to sleep through the night and felt the way their tears hurt me and called to me? How many nights did I pat the back of a child and listened for slower breathing, deeper breathing, breathing that meant that they had finally fallen asleep and if I ever so gently lifted my hand, maybe I'd be able to sneak out of there and go back to my husband. Too many times I second guessed myself and yet tried to rely on my intuition anyway. How often had I juggled a nursing baby, a toddler on my leg, and a whisk in my hand? Slowly those moments passed, until they faded and changed into something different.
That young mother, who's body gave so much, learned something along the way. I've learned something about knowing when to let go and when holding on meant being strong. And, when time sneaks up and punches me in the stomach, it's ok to watch my children sleep and breath in that moment of both joy and mourning. To let myself really feel it, feel the loss. The loss of something beautiful and the growth of something divine. Sometimes I kiss them and tell them that I love them before I make my way back to my own bedroom, to sleep without interruption.
Someday I'll write another post about all of the happiness and love that I feel in this chapter of motherhood, for there is much. But, today is a day of reflection. Today is a day to rejoice in what I had, live for what I have, and look forward to whatever lies ahead. With my husband at my side, this journey is glorious!
I was going through my phone and found a paragraph he had written. It was his theory about G force and how objects dropped in a car don't fly into the back window. Here is what he wrote:
"Did you know that the reason we don't fly off the earth is because of g force. The earth's gravity is stronger than the g force. If I throw a crayon in the air, it would not hit the back of the car, is because it has the same momentum as the car, and that is also why we don't land in Europe when we jump (because the earth is spinning at jet speed, and we are traveling the same course at the same speed)."
The other day, Hannah lost her first tooth. It was bleeding a lot, and I don't like blood. Joshua acted very grown up and went and got me a wet paper towel and helped stop the bleeding.
Sometimes I marvel at how grown up my kids have become and just how fast time has gone by. To think that this young man in front of me was the same little boy who used to ask me if he was being a useful engine, because he loved watching Thomas the Train so much, just makes my heart hurt and rejoice at the same time. He is my oldest, with that comes a lot of firsts. The first child to ride a bike, the first child to lose a tooth, the first child to get the Lord's holy priesthood, etc. With my middle children, I have the opportunity to kind of live in those moments better, with my younger children, those same moments carry a twinge of sadness that lurks secretly below the surface because those moments--although firsts for them--are last moments for me. They are the last first steps, the last nursing session at 3 am, the last time a baby of mine chewed through the words "mama" and "dada" for the first time, and the last time one of my own cried for me as I snuck out of the nursery room at church when I left them for the first time. So while sometimes I get caught up in the first first times with my oldest and there is a lot of excitement with those moments, time still sneaks up on me and punches me in the stomach. I suddenly become very aware that this young man in front of me is not that same terrified little kindergartner who squeezed a death grip on the playground bars and pressed his wet cheeks against those same bars and cried out for me to not leave him. He's taken chances and hurdled over childhood mountains to become confident and capable, and surprises me at times with a mature sense of being.
Sometimes I still think of myself as that young, inexperienced mother. That mother who's nights were full of nursing and changing, and bad dreams, and army crawling out of bedrooms. That mother who had nights that spilled over into days full of prayers and tears and worry and joy, sticky kisses, and fists full of dandelions. There were park dates and play dates, fights over holding my hand and sitting by me at the table... those moments... those moments that seem to pass so slowly that sometimes I had to get really creative with how I spent my time so that I didn't go insane. Those days were so full of diapers and babies that needed me so much, finding any moment alone was heavenly. My body was needed by others so constantly. Those days made me realize just how much I was capable of giving of myself and loving so completely and yet always feeling like I was falling short. How many nights had sat outside a bedroom door and listened to the cries of my baby who was learning how to sleep through the night and felt the way their tears hurt me and called to me? How many nights did I pat the back of a child and listened for slower breathing, deeper breathing, breathing that meant that they had finally fallen asleep and if I ever so gently lifted my hand, maybe I'd be able to sneak out of there and go back to my husband. Too many times I second guessed myself and yet tried to rely on my intuition anyway. How often had I juggled a nursing baby, a toddler on my leg, and a whisk in my hand? Slowly those moments passed, until they faded and changed into something different.
That young mother, who's body gave so much, learned something along the way. I've learned something about knowing when to let go and when holding on meant being strong. And, when time sneaks up and punches me in the stomach, it's ok to watch my children sleep and breath in that moment of both joy and mourning. To let myself really feel it, feel the loss. The loss of something beautiful and the growth of something divine. Sometimes I kiss them and tell them that I love them before I make my way back to my own bedroom, to sleep without interruption.
Someday I'll write another post about all of the happiness and love that I feel in this chapter of motherhood, for there is much. But, today is a day of reflection. Today is a day to rejoice in what I had, live for what I have, and look forward to whatever lies ahead. With my husband at my side, this journey is glorious!
Monday, June 10, 2019
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