As I reflect upon the turmoil of this world and all of the wickedness that I see, I can easily feel the weight of it. I really do sorrow over the sins of the world. Sometimes, it is rather easy to be saddened by it and anxious over it. It's easy to fear the raising of our children in this world so overcome with confusion and lies.
I see the importance of making our home heavenly and teaching our children through day to day real-life moments and interactions the truths of the gospel. We do our best. We will continue to do our best. We are told that some of Heavenly Father's most righteous and courageous spirits were saved for the latter days. I see that in my children. Sometimes they make connections that I would have never made at their age, and sometimes they surprise me with their scriptural knowledge and spiritual strength. I had a moment like that the other day.
I was exercising in the front room and we weren't having any sort of gospel discussion or moment of any kind (at least not that I was aware of). I was dancing to a program on the TV, the other kids were following along with me. Joshua came up to me and out of the blue said that sometimes he got a really strange feeling about things. I paused and asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "I don't know why but sometimes I get a really strange feeling that my generation is probably going to be the last generation that will know what going to our church is like without persecution."
Whaaat?!
I said, "I think you may be right, who knows. We know that we will gather to Missouri somehow. Perhaps we will be driven there, I don't know. But, we don't need to fear as long as we stay faithful. If we get persecuted for believing in what's right, we're in good company." He said, "yeah, pretty much everybody in the Book of Mormon and Bible were mocked, and so was Jesus. That's pretty good company!" Today he related to me how when he went to conference with Grandma and Papa he saw first-hand what it was like to see people mocked. He said that outside the conference center there were people holding signs that said mocking things on them. He and I related it to Lehi's dream. I told him that walking on the sidewalk towards the conference center was kind of like walking past the great and spacious building. He said, "yeah, it was, but you go on anyway."
He also fasted today, on his own. I didn't even remind him. I came downstairs and asked if he had eaten breakfast and he told me no, that he was fasting. (I am fasting too, for the first time in a long time. I have been either nursing or pregnant for the past 9 years. I am still nursing once a day, but I felt I needed to fast for a friend of mine who's baby is dying.)
I can assure you that at 8 years old, I wasn't making such connections. I may have been hoping for the second coming so that I would never know the pain of child birth, but that was it.
Our children were saved for these times. They are ready. They have been preparing for eons of time and they are strong and courageous. Now, if only I can continue to do my best to teach them how to reach their potential, and that is a tremendous work. A joyous responsibility, but a tremendous one at that. It's something I pray for every day.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
Scripture Study: Revelation
Sometimes it's nice to record some of my thoughts regarding the scriptures on this blog. I want my posterity to know that I had a testimony, and maybe somewhere along the line, my thoughts will be of benefit, even if it is just to benefit myself.
As recorded previously, I'm studying a little bit more about revelation and the pre-mortal realm.
Upon thinking of these two topics, my mind is drawn to the song, I Am A Child of God. It's an important song. We learn simple truths about whose children we are. We are sons and daughters of God. He loves us. It's no wonder why we were sent to earth to live within the structure of family, because the family structure offers true experiences of loving as He loves. There is much growth that occurs upon having children. Suddenly, a world that was selfish must turn outward and evolve into one that is selfless. The lyrics, lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way, teach me all that I must do to live with him someday, are sung from a child's perspective, addressed to his/her parents, in almost a pleading fashion. It is our job as parents to lead and guide.
The parent-child relationship is unique in the sense that it teaches me so much about the love our Father in Heaven has for His children. I think of the love I have for my children, and I know that His perfect love is full and complete not only for my children, but for my husband and myself, for all of humankind. It's recorded somewhere, but I'll record it again here, a moment that I had with my son, Luke, that really opened my eyes.
Luke was a toddler and he was upset with me because he was thirsty and wanted a drink. He had communicated as much to me, and then proceeded to throw a very big tantrum. I knew what he wanted, and I was helping him get what he wanted, but I was not able to move as quickly as he wanted me to. As I fumbled around the kitchen, searching for sippy cup lids and the actual sippy-cup, his cries grew louder. I got down on my knees and looked him in the eye and said, "I got this, trust me, have I ever let you down before? I know what you need and I'm helping you, but you need to be patient." It was then that I had a moment where the spirit taught me something. How many times have I cried out to my Heavenly Father and perhaps stressed and worried about a particular problem (throwing my own little grown-up tantrum) and doubted in His ability to help me? The spirit taught me in that moment to trust Him. He is aware of me and whatever trial I may be facing. I am His daughter. He's never let me down before, and He will never let me down. I need to trust Him and be patient.
In my life, I have clearly, and very fully felt the teaching power of the Holy Spirit. In those moments, I have felt Heaven so close. The spirit filled my breast and the love of our Heavenly Father was so tangible. It all became so clear to me. I was seeing with my spiritual eyes. I thought to myself how easy it would be to never sin again if only I could always feel as I felt then. The love and compassion I felt for my fellow man was more sincere because I saw them as part of my eternal family. My desire to always walk in light and truth was made even stronger. My relationship with my Savior felt even more personable and real. It was truly divine. It was as though Heaven was in my room and I was surrounded by angels. In those moments, revelation enlightened my mind.
About a week ago, I was praying for further knowledge regarding the plan of salvation, more specifically the pre-mortal realm. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to teach me, I told Him that I was ready to learn. That familiar primary song popped into my head and I began to recite the chorus in my mind as I prayed. Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do, to live with Thee someday. Suddenly, I realized what I had done. Without really thinking about it, I had changed the perspective of the song. I was His child. I was pleading with my Heavenly parent to guide me and teach me. It's what I yearn for. It's what I need. The parent-child relationship with my Heavenly parents became clearer. He was teaching me, through the spirit. He is our mentor. And He hasn't left us alone to figure it out on our own. He is there. This experience was further enriched today as I read the first presidency's message today.
Elder Uchtdorf wrote the first presidency's message this month, and it was all about our Heavenly Father's mentoring relationship with His children. He relates our earthly relationships with our own children to our Heavenly Father's relationship with us. He says,
"Fathers mentor their precious children and show by their good example the way an honest life is lived. Fathers do not leave their children alone but rush to their aid, helping them to their feet whenever they stumble. And sometimes when wisdom suggests, fathers allow their children to struggle, realizing that this may be the best way for them to learn...
Fortunately, our Heavenly Father has given us wonderful instructions for structuring our lives and putting together our best selves. Those instructions work regardless of our age or circumstance. He has given us the gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ. He has given us the plan of redemption, the plan of salvation, even the plan of happiness. He has not left us alone with all the uncertainties or challenges of life, saying, “Here you go. Good luck. Figure it out.”
As recorded previously, I'm studying a little bit more about revelation and the pre-mortal realm.
Upon thinking of these two topics, my mind is drawn to the song, I Am A Child of God. It's an important song. We learn simple truths about whose children we are. We are sons and daughters of God. He loves us. It's no wonder why we were sent to earth to live within the structure of family, because the family structure offers true experiences of loving as He loves. There is much growth that occurs upon having children. Suddenly, a world that was selfish must turn outward and evolve into one that is selfless. The lyrics, lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way, teach me all that I must do to live with him someday, are sung from a child's perspective, addressed to his/her parents, in almost a pleading fashion. It is our job as parents to lead and guide.
The parent-child relationship is unique in the sense that it teaches me so much about the love our Father in Heaven has for His children. I think of the love I have for my children, and I know that His perfect love is full and complete not only for my children, but for my husband and myself, for all of humankind. It's recorded somewhere, but I'll record it again here, a moment that I had with my son, Luke, that really opened my eyes.
Luke was a toddler and he was upset with me because he was thirsty and wanted a drink. He had communicated as much to me, and then proceeded to throw a very big tantrum. I knew what he wanted, and I was helping him get what he wanted, but I was not able to move as quickly as he wanted me to. As I fumbled around the kitchen, searching for sippy cup lids and the actual sippy-cup, his cries grew louder. I got down on my knees and looked him in the eye and said, "I got this, trust me, have I ever let you down before? I know what you need and I'm helping you, but you need to be patient." It was then that I had a moment where the spirit taught me something. How many times have I cried out to my Heavenly Father and perhaps stressed and worried about a particular problem (throwing my own little grown-up tantrum) and doubted in His ability to help me? The spirit taught me in that moment to trust Him. He is aware of me and whatever trial I may be facing. I am His daughter. He's never let me down before, and He will never let me down. I need to trust Him and be patient.
In my life, I have clearly, and very fully felt the teaching power of the Holy Spirit. In those moments, I have felt Heaven so close. The spirit filled my breast and the love of our Heavenly Father was so tangible. It all became so clear to me. I was seeing with my spiritual eyes. I thought to myself how easy it would be to never sin again if only I could always feel as I felt then. The love and compassion I felt for my fellow man was more sincere because I saw them as part of my eternal family. My desire to always walk in light and truth was made even stronger. My relationship with my Savior felt even more personable and real. It was truly divine. It was as though Heaven was in my room and I was surrounded by angels. In those moments, revelation enlightened my mind.
About a week ago, I was praying for further knowledge regarding the plan of salvation, more specifically the pre-mortal realm. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to teach me, I told Him that I was ready to learn. That familiar primary song popped into my head and I began to recite the chorus in my mind as I prayed. Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do, to live with Thee someday. Suddenly, I realized what I had done. Without really thinking about it, I had changed the perspective of the song. I was His child. I was pleading with my Heavenly parent to guide me and teach me. It's what I yearn for. It's what I need. The parent-child relationship with my Heavenly parents became clearer. He was teaching me, through the spirit. He is our mentor. And He hasn't left us alone to figure it out on our own. He is there. This experience was further enriched today as I read the first presidency's message today.
Elder Uchtdorf wrote the first presidency's message this month, and it was all about our Heavenly Father's mentoring relationship with His children. He relates our earthly relationships with our own children to our Heavenly Father's relationship with us. He says,
"Fathers mentor their precious children and show by their good example the way an honest life is lived. Fathers do not leave their children alone but rush to their aid, helping them to their feet whenever they stumble. And sometimes when wisdom suggests, fathers allow their children to struggle, realizing that this may be the best way for them to learn...
Fortunately, our Heavenly Father has given us wonderful instructions for structuring our lives and putting together our best selves. Those instructions work regardless of our age or circumstance. He has given us the gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ. He has given us the plan of redemption, the plan of salvation, even the plan of happiness. He has not left us alone with all the uncertainties or challenges of life, saying, “Here you go. Good luck. Figure it out.”
If we will only be patient and look with a humble heart and an open mind, we will find that God has given us many tools to better understand His comprehensive instructions for our happiness in life:
- He has given us the priceless gift of the Holy Ghost, which has the potential to be our personal, heavenly tutor as we study the word of God and attempt to bring our thoughts and actions into alignment with His word.
He has given us 24/7 access to Him through prayers of faith and supplications of real intent.
He has given us modern-day apostles and prophets, who reveal the word of God in our day and have the authority to bind or seal on earth and in heaven.
He has restored His Church—an organization of believers who work together to help one another as they work out their salvation with fear, trembling, and unparalleled joy.1He has given us the holy scriptures—His written word to us.
He has given myriad tools of modern technology to help us in our walk of discipleship. Many of these marvelous instruments can be found at LDS.org.
Why has our Heavenly Father given us so much help? Because He loves us. And because, as He said of Himself, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”2
In other words, Heavenly Father is our God, and God is a mentor to us.
Our Father in Heaven knows His children’s needs better than anyone else. It is His work and glory to help us at every turn, giving us marvelous temporal and spiritual resources to help us on our path to return to Him."
I loved reading that. It seemed to perfectly coincide with the experience I had the other day as I prayed. So, next time you think of the song, "I Am A Child of God" perhaps try changing the perspective on the chorus, and see if it becomes a little more real whose child you are.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Revelation
The other day, during my scripture study, I read a Q & A with Elder Nelson and his wife at a YA conference. At the conference they were addressing those who would be classified as Millenials. I am the very start of the Millenial generation and so I figured his remarks applied to me as well. The conference was great. He made some wonderful remarks and had great advice. One of the things he said was, something along the lines of, "if you could just get a glimpse as to who you were before you came to earth, your entire lives would change" and then he challenged those listening to pray for that knowledge. I desired this knowledge as well. So, for many nights, this was something I prayed for and longed for. I don't know if I was expecting too much, but nothing happened. Nothing.
I read my patriarchal blessing, and for the first time since receiving my blessing, I was discouraged by it. I wasn't given any glimpses into who I was before I came to earth, the veil didn't part for me, it seemed as though my prayer was going unanswered. I was jealous of my husband's blessing. I'm not proud of that, and maybe I shouldn't even admit it. The exact opposite of what I was hoping for happened. Instead of drawing me closer to Heavenly Father, I was questioning whether or not He even loved me. It wasn't long before I went to my husband and asked him whether or not God loved me. To him, this came out of nowhere and he didn't believe what I was asking. I know Heavenly Father loves me, but for those few weeks, the adversary was using this as a tool to poke at me, and I was having a difficult time feeling His love. Jon Mark affirmed what I already knew. And, I realized something, my whole life is evidence of God's love. Once I was thrown back into reality and allowed myself to feel His love again, I saw it all around me and realized again that when we don't feel His love it is because we withdraw, not Him. I realized His love again, and I was no longer allowing the adversary to tell me that my Heavenly Father didn't love me, but still, I was not receiving an answer to my prayer. I prayed and told Heavenly Father to teach me, that I wanted to learn. I came with faith, but as time passed, my faith that I would receive an answer was weakening.
I kind of gave up.
Today, Michelle and I were talking about revelation. It was one of those moments that as we were talking we could feel the influence of the Holy Ghost fill the room. One story after another, moment after moment, the spirit testified of truth regarding revelation. Michelle, perhaps unknowingly, needed to talk to me today about revelation. I shared my experience with her, and I told her that I had given up. She said that the desire I had was a righteous one, and it was influenced by an apostle of the Lord and that if he challenged us to act on that desire, then not only was it a righteous desire, but that the Lord would answer my prayer. She told me to take my time table out of the question, that sometimes prayers are answered after we have exhausted ourselves, but that we should never give up. She told me that perhaps I ought to tailor my scripture study to be about the pre-mortal life. She said that I should offer whatever faith I had and that the Lord would make up the difference (help Thou mine unbelief). I have had some wonderful moments of revelation recently. And, I realize that those moments come not necessarily when I am expecting them, rather when my mind is quiet and my faith is believing.
That's where I am at.
I read my patriarchal blessing, and for the first time since receiving my blessing, I was discouraged by it. I wasn't given any glimpses into who I was before I came to earth, the veil didn't part for me, it seemed as though my prayer was going unanswered. I was jealous of my husband's blessing. I'm not proud of that, and maybe I shouldn't even admit it. The exact opposite of what I was hoping for happened. Instead of drawing me closer to Heavenly Father, I was questioning whether or not He even loved me. It wasn't long before I went to my husband and asked him whether or not God loved me. To him, this came out of nowhere and he didn't believe what I was asking. I know Heavenly Father loves me, but for those few weeks, the adversary was using this as a tool to poke at me, and I was having a difficult time feeling His love. Jon Mark affirmed what I already knew. And, I realized something, my whole life is evidence of God's love. Once I was thrown back into reality and allowed myself to feel His love again, I saw it all around me and realized again that when we don't feel His love it is because we withdraw, not Him. I realized His love again, and I was no longer allowing the adversary to tell me that my Heavenly Father didn't love me, but still, I was not receiving an answer to my prayer. I prayed and told Heavenly Father to teach me, that I wanted to learn. I came with faith, but as time passed, my faith that I would receive an answer was weakening.
I kind of gave up.
Today, Michelle and I were talking about revelation. It was one of those moments that as we were talking we could feel the influence of the Holy Ghost fill the room. One story after another, moment after moment, the spirit testified of truth regarding revelation. Michelle, perhaps unknowingly, needed to talk to me today about revelation. I shared my experience with her, and I told her that I had given up. She said that the desire I had was a righteous one, and it was influenced by an apostle of the Lord and that if he challenged us to act on that desire, then not only was it a righteous desire, but that the Lord would answer my prayer. She told me to take my time table out of the question, that sometimes prayers are answered after we have exhausted ourselves, but that we should never give up. She told me that perhaps I ought to tailor my scripture study to be about the pre-mortal life. She said that I should offer whatever faith I had and that the Lord would make up the difference (help Thou mine unbelief). I have had some wonderful moments of revelation recently. And, I realize that those moments come not necessarily when I am expecting them, rather when my mind is quiet and my faith is believing.
That's where I am at.
Mercedes
Mercedes has said some funny things recently. The other night she told me that she knew it was mean to call people fat so she wanted to tell me that when she called someone wide it really meant that she was trying to tell me that they were fat. Then, she asked me if she would be small like me when she grew up. I said that she probably would be. Then, she started to whine and said that she wanted to be skinny like me but she didn't want to be short, she wanted to be really tall. That's when I crushed her dreams like a giant squishing an egg between his fist, :)
The other day on our walk, Mercedes kept tripping and falling, she came up to me crying and told me that Joshua was using the force to make her fall. I thought she was kidding around, so I said, "oh yes, the force is strong with that one." She ran off terrified. Later on, she came back in tears again because Joshua had used the force on her again. She told me to tell him to stop. And that is when we determined that he was a sith because he was using the force for bad instead of good. HAHA!
The other day on our walk, Mercedes kept tripping and falling, she came up to me crying and told me that Joshua was using the force to make her fall. I thought she was kidding around, so I said, "oh yes, the force is strong with that one." She ran off terrified. Later on, she came back in tears again because Joshua had used the force on her again. She told me to tell him to stop. And that is when we determined that he was a sith because he was using the force for bad instead of good. HAHA!
Painting, Kid Drawings, Awards, Mother's Day, And Caleb v. Toilet
Here's a painting I did of me attempting to paint a face.
Joshua's rendition of BB8.
Sky City War by Joshua.
R2D2 by Joshua
Mercedes got a leadership award.
Mercedes was student of the week and I got to write her a letter to read aloud to her class. She also got to pick out one of her favorite pictures of herself.
Joshua gave me a book that he made for Mother's Day.
Mercedes gave me this poem.
Caleb has been throwing things into the toilet. These are mine and Hannah's shoes. He's such a big boy. The other day, Jon Mark was playing peek-a-boo over the stair well with him. When Jon Mark was done, Caleb kept looking at the stairwell then back at me then back at the stairwell, obviously wondering when Jon Mark would pop up again. When he finally made the connection that he wasn't coming back, he waved his hands in the baby sign that means "all done" and tried to verbalize "all done". He did that same thing while I was nursing him to tell me that he was all done nursing. He signed it, and then got down off of my lap and walked away. My nursing days are swiftly coming to an end. :(
Summer Walks
The heat is on and so are our walking legs. Jon Mark and I like to push the limits of our children to show them that they are capable of doing things that are hard. One of those things is going on really long walks/bike rides. The heat doesn't keep us down. I drench the kids in water and sunscreen. I arm them with snacks and hats, and off we go. Once we got there, Jazmine didn't want anything to do with it. She sat next to me the whole time. The other kids, Caleb included, seemed to enjoy themselves.
Hannah's been funny, and a little wild. She got so out of control the other night that I sent her to bed early, which made her even more out of control. My hand has been hurting me recently, so I couldn't lift her and carry her back to bed when she ran away, so I had to call Jon Mark to help. He came upstairs and asked Hannah calmly if he needed to help. She hung her head like a wounded puppy and sulked back to bed.
Space Room
Joshua and Luke are very excited about how their space room is coming along. It's not finished yet, but the moon and the BB8 painting were huge hits. As was the planet mobile. Most of it was given to me by a family friend and the paintings were all done by your's truly, so it was very close to "free" decorating.
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