Mom Song

Post-pregnancy symptoms are fickle. One minute I am burning hot, the next minute I am freezing. Postpartum emotions are the same way. I wish I could tell my brain to make up it's mind, but even that seems a little ridiculous.

My heart feels really tender today. There's no reason in particular. Just lots of emotions, sometimes happening in almost the same time frame. One moment, I am stroking my baby's face and thinking tenderly to myself, "this is the last I will hold my own newborn" and the thought brings tears to my eyes. Then, he wakes up, and he is fussy. That's when the same phrase enters my mind again, except this time it carries a completely different emotion--relief.  Back and forth, back and forth.

Today, we are back into a routine and I feel like I am some sort of woman warrior. I managed to get very little sleep. I think I paced the halls with a sway in my step more than I laid down. It was all in an effort to help release a little one's gas bubbles. Then, I woke up and managed to feed everyone breakfast and send one boy and one man out the door with lunches in hand--and on time, I might add. I chased a toddler around the house who is stuffed one piece of gum after another into her mouth while smiling at me because she knew she was being quite naughty. I straightened up and helped my middle children get ready for the day. I went grocery shopping (light grocery shopping). I made lunches and sent another out the door. Two kids are finally down for naps, one is watching TV, and the house is once again quiet. I did all of that while holding a baby in one arm who is sometimes nursing as I move about the house.  So, yeah, today I feel like a woman warrior. Who can do all of that and come out on top?! Oh, yeah, that's me. I can. 2 1/2 weeks postpartum, and I am hanging in there. Mom guilt still comes. I do my best, but I recognize where I fall short. I push those thoughts out of my mind. But, I don't know if mom guilt ever really goes away.

Growing up, I always knew that becoming a wife and a mother was all I ever really wanted. I wanted to marry a man who would support my desires to stay home with our children. To stay home meant that we sometimes went without. But, I don't feel like we have ever been poor. It was a priority to Jon Mark and myself that I stayed home, and we made it happen. I am so glad. I love feeling needed and wanted. I love that I will be there when each of my children take their first steps, or show their first smiles. And, I love knowing that I will be there for all of the other little milestones they will experience.

Today I heard this song. In the words of Luke, it touched my "blue heart" and made me all sorts of sappy. To my own mother, and my mother in-law, thanks for being "mom". This song is a conversation between a child about to go down to earth and God.

                                                                            "Mom"

A little baby told God, "Hey, I'm kinda scared
Don't really know if I want to go down there
From here it looks like a little blue ball
That's a great big place and I'm so small"

"Why can't I just stay here with you
Did I make you mad, don't you want me to?"
God said, "Oh, child, of course I do
But there's somebody special waiting for you"

[Chorus:]
So, hush now baby don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting
Whose only goal in fife
Is makin' sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel, tender, tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom

You'll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She'll kiss your bruises, your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt, her heart's gonna break

[Chorus]

Now, when she's talking to you
Make sure you listen close
'Cause she's gonna teach you everything
You'll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners
To love and laugh and dream
And she'll put you on the path
That'll bring you back to Me

So, hush now little baby don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting
Whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel, tender, tough and strong
Come on child
It's time to meet your mom