Oh, sweet Hannah! You are a funny little Sunshine Dancer. You dance every time any kind of beat comes on. You love to sing and make up songs. Your latest one, in case I forgot to record it earlier, was "I've got a feeling, uh, you're breakin' my heart!" You'd say it three times with pizazz and then go up and down the scale with "OHHHH!" Your songs make me smile.
You're a vain little girl. Your favorite place in the house is the third stair facing the mirror. You sing and dance there so you can watch yourself. You shake your booty in my high heels and you toss your hair. It's funny to watch you when you don't know that I am. You know you're beautiful, but I tell you you are anyway :)
The other day at Disneyland, Caleb was on top of Dad's shoulders and they way he was positioned made his bum crack show. I spanked it playfully and said, "I love little baby bums!" You said, "Mom! When I am standing in line, ALL I see are BUMS! and sometimes when people bend over, I see their cracks all the time!" That made me laugh!
You were not a fan of the rocking Ferris wheel car. Because we crammed 10 people inside that tiny car, it rock A LOT! The adults were scared but we put on a brave face for you because you were terrified and crying. You thought that the cage was going to break off and sink into the water below. Grandma Haws tried to calm you and told you that we'd float like a boat. Over your head so you couldn't hear, I said, "Or sink, but we'd see Jesus." Luke added, "and Gavin!" You didn't hear, that's probably a good thing. But, you maintain that it was your favorite ride. You were also obsessed with whether or not things were real. We liked pretending like it was because that's the magic of Disney, but you didn't like this. On one ride you kept telling me that Dad was teasing me and that it wasn't real. You got really worked up over this.
Hannah, I am proud of you and I hope you always dance your way through life.
Sunday, February 3, 2019
Luke
So, the roller coaster that I had written about for J and M, Luke also rode it. We had the opportunity to ride it twice back to back without waiting. Before we loaded the second time, he stopped me and said that before he got on, he needed to say a prayer of thanks to Heavenly Father for keeping them safe the first time. You see, Joshua and Mercedes had kind of scared Luke about the coaster, but I didn't even know he was scared. He told me that they had scared him about the loopdeloop and he wasn't sure if he was going to survive it or not (I knew at this point that he had faith in me, and he got on because of that faith even though he was scared. But, more importantly, he had faith in Heavenly Father and prayed hard that we would all be kept safe and alive.) I was thankful that he thought to say a prayer of thanks. So, right there on that busy platform, my almost 8 year old folded his arms and closed his eyes and I watched as he mouthed words to a prayer that thanked his Heavenly Father. Luke turned out to really like roller coasters.
Before leaving for Disneyland, I had the kids earn money for souvenirs. They did many chores, and the three older kids had acquired more than the younger ones (but of course Jm and I were planning on taking care of them). Luke was troubled that Hannah hadn't been able to earn as much as he. On the last day as we talked about souvenirs, Luke looked very concerned. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he really wanted to combine his money with Hannah's so that he could buy her something nice. I assured him that I would take care of Hannah, but he needed confirmation from Jon Mark as well. He sure thinks of her and takes care of her. I have no doubt that he would have bought her something and walked away with nothing if need be.
Luke's magic moment of Disney came when he was stopped by Darth Vader. Darth said to him, "The force is strong with you. Tell me, who taught you the ways of the force?" Without dropping his gaze, Luke looked Darth Vader in the eyes and said, "Yoda!" It was hilarious!
I am so proud of Luke.
Before leaving for Disneyland, I had the kids earn money for souvenirs. They did many chores, and the three older kids had acquired more than the younger ones (but of course Jm and I were planning on taking care of them). Luke was troubled that Hannah hadn't been able to earn as much as he. On the last day as we talked about souvenirs, Luke looked very concerned. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he really wanted to combine his money with Hannah's so that he could buy her something nice. I assured him that I would take care of Hannah, but he needed confirmation from Jon Mark as well. He sure thinks of her and takes care of her. I have no doubt that he would have bought her something and walked away with nothing if need be.
Luke's magic moment of Disney came when he was stopped by Darth Vader. Darth said to him, "The force is strong with you. Tell me, who taught you the ways of the force?" Without dropping his gaze, Luke looked Darth Vader in the eyes and said, "Yoda!" It was hilarious!
I am so proud of Luke.
Mercedes
Mercedes is a sweet girl who is a very Tender Flame. Sometimes she is tender, and other times you had better watch out or feel the burn of her flame. Hence, Tender Flame. She is a good little babysitter though, her desire to always follow the rules with exactness has made her very responsible. At Luke's soccer games, we let her take the little girl cousins over to the toys to play. She feels the responsibility of this task and does her best to keep track of them. Well, they scurried off to where they weren't supposed to be and she couldn't find them. It scared her. She quickly thought to pray and sure enough they were found and all was OK. I was glad to hear that she thought to pray almost immediately and I tried to point out that her testimony of prayer had gotten stronger. She was quick to respond that it has.
Like I had said in Joshua's post, Mercedes was quite afraid of one particular coaster ride. She did eventually overcome her fear of it and rode it reluctantly with Jon Mark. She was so upset and crying that the employees had asked Jm to quietly exit to the left. Jm assured them that she was fine. They told him that they could not run the coaster when she was crying and not wanting to go. They needed a thumbs up from her. So, after what seemed like five minutes, Mer finally between sobs gave them a thumbs up and they let her ride. She was so scared that she ducked down and in the picture that they take on the ride, she couldn't be seen. It was as though Jm had ridden it alone. I was so proud of her for conquering her fear. Jm used her fear to tease her on other rides, but she was a good sport about it.
Mercedes teacher gave her a HUGE packet of homework for the days she has missed. She has been so responsible and has worked diligently on it. She is a very good student. She tries her best and wants to succeed quite naturally. She doesn't need to much external motivation.
Mercedes wore a black sweatshirt to Disneyland. It was so dark against her pale skin and super blonde hair. At one point she had worn the hood and it covered her messy hair and only whisps escaped the hood. She looked so grown up. What a beautiful girl she is inside and out. I'm so proud of her.
Like I had said in Joshua's post, Mercedes was quite afraid of one particular coaster ride. She did eventually overcome her fear of it and rode it reluctantly with Jon Mark. She was so upset and crying that the employees had asked Jm to quietly exit to the left. Jm assured them that she was fine. They told him that they could not run the coaster when she was crying and not wanting to go. They needed a thumbs up from her. So, after what seemed like five minutes, Mer finally between sobs gave them a thumbs up and they let her ride. She was so scared that she ducked down and in the picture that they take on the ride, she couldn't be seen. It was as though Jm had ridden it alone. I was so proud of her for conquering her fear. Jm used her fear to tease her on other rides, but she was a good sport about it.
Mercedes teacher gave her a HUGE packet of homework for the days she has missed. She has been so responsible and has worked diligently on it. She is a very good student. She tries her best and wants to succeed quite naturally. She doesn't need to much external motivation.
Mercedes wore a black sweatshirt to Disneyland. It was so dark against her pale skin and super blonde hair. At one point she had worn the hood and it covered her messy hair and only whisps escaped the hood. She looked so grown up. What a beautiful girl she is inside and out. I'm so proud of her.
Joshua
Joshua looks like a teenager in some of the pictures I have taken of him recently. He's also almost as tall as me. I've got a head on him, but it won't be too long before he's my same height. It hurts my mama heart and I am proud of the good young man he is.
He was ordained a deacon and has been passing the sacrament and collecting fast offerings. He will get to go to the temple soon to do baptisms. He's so diligent and good. Such a good boy. Sometimes at night, I whisper in his ear that he makes being a mom so easy. He always has. I hope I don't order him around too much. It's easy to do because he does whatever I tell him to do. He's easy going and just a really good kid.
At Disneyland he was really nervous about a coaster ride. It had a "loodeloop" and he was afraid of going upside down. For a few minutes I could see a vulnerable little three year old Joshua who I hadn't seen in many years. He got Mercedes really really really worked up. He acted like he wasn't going to get on the ride. Jessica tried everything to convince him. She finally turned to me and said, "I don't know what else to say to get him to go on the ride." I told her to tell him that his mom said he had to go. She did, and like a dutiful and obedient young man, he sighed and got on the car and pulled down his harness. He survived and exclaimed at the end that it was his favorite ride, but he quickly added that he didn't want to go on it again!
Joshua is very quick witted and has some really great one liners. I need to be better about recording them so I remember. At Disneyland, Jessica was in the habit of letting kids ride on her lap because she had rented a scooter. This is against the rules. Some "Storm Troopers" circled Jessica and ordered her to stop. She was very nervous and feeling guilty because she was afraid that she was in trouble for having Luke on her lap. The Storm Troopers acted their part of Dark Side employees and then they let her go. After wards, Joshua, who was aways off came up to Jessica and told her that she should have waved her hand at them and said, "These are not the droids you are looking for". If you have seen Star Wars, you'll get the joke and realize why this is so funny. Joshua is quite funny!
Joshua was able to conquer his fear of roller coasters and thoroughly enjoyed Disneyland. I was proud of him.
He was ordained a deacon and has been passing the sacrament and collecting fast offerings. He will get to go to the temple soon to do baptisms. He's so diligent and good. Such a good boy. Sometimes at night, I whisper in his ear that he makes being a mom so easy. He always has. I hope I don't order him around too much. It's easy to do because he does whatever I tell him to do. He's easy going and just a really good kid.
At Disneyland he was really nervous about a coaster ride. It had a "loodeloop" and he was afraid of going upside down. For a few minutes I could see a vulnerable little three year old Joshua who I hadn't seen in many years. He got Mercedes really really really worked up. He acted like he wasn't going to get on the ride. Jessica tried everything to convince him. She finally turned to me and said, "I don't know what else to say to get him to go on the ride." I told her to tell him that his mom said he had to go. She did, and like a dutiful and obedient young man, he sighed and got on the car and pulled down his harness. He survived and exclaimed at the end that it was his favorite ride, but he quickly added that he didn't want to go on it again!
Joshua is very quick witted and has some really great one liners. I need to be better about recording them so I remember. At Disneyland, Jessica was in the habit of letting kids ride on her lap because she had rented a scooter. This is against the rules. Some "Storm Troopers" circled Jessica and ordered her to stop. She was very nervous and feeling guilty because she was afraid that she was in trouble for having Luke on her lap. The Storm Troopers acted their part of Dark Side employees and then they let her go. After wards, Joshua, who was aways off came up to Jessica and told her that she should have waved her hand at them and said, "These are not the droids you are looking for". If you have seen Star Wars, you'll get the joke and realize why this is so funny. Joshua is quite funny!
Joshua was able to conquer his fear of roller coasters and thoroughly enjoyed Disneyland. I was proud of him.
Cubby
Cubby does some funny things. Yesterday he and Evie got into a fight. Evie came running in and said that Cub slapped her and so she HAD to slap him back. He slapped her again, so she HAD to slap him again. She was kind of funny because she felt very strongly that she was all in the right and only Cub ought to be punished. JM of course put them both into time out. After wards, he called them both over to him and talked with them about their choices. When he was done, he said to Cub that he ought to hug Evie and say he's sorry. He did, and Jm said that they could go play. Cub stopped him and said, "Dad, you forgot! You didn't say that my muscles are to protect girls, not hurt them!" And then he proceeded to flex. It made me happy because I tell my boys often that Heavenly Father gave them their muscles so that they could be great protectors and protect girls, never to hurt them. This is a truth so lost in society. I know that I don't often write about the time period in which I am living and I mostly keep this blog as a means of journaling the happenings of my family. But, gender is under attack. Good men are under attack. The world would have everyone believe that gender is fluid and gender should be defined by however a person feels they are, for example, if a man feels like he is a woman then everyone is supposed to support him in this and start calling him a woman and he can go and get surgery to "change" his sexual organs to imitate his sexual preference. If a person feels they are a unicorn I am sure the same crazy logic applies. It really is crazy. The Proclamation on the Family was certainly written for our time and we surely live in a day in which good is called evil and evil is called good. Anyway, I could write many things about the time period in which I live, but suffice it to say, I try really hard to give my kids a strong sense of gender identity and I teach them that their gender is eternal and not to be "fixed or changed" that they are who they are and have always been and will always be. I also teach them the roles of their gender which are divinely given to them by Heavenly Father. My boys must learn to protect, provide and preside. My girls must learn to teach and nurture. These are good qualities, they compliment each other. Women were not designed to be able to do everything a man can do, we are designed to do everything they can't, and the same is true for men. The sexes are divinely designed to compliment, and they are modeled after the order of God. Anyway, back to Cub...
Cub prayed the other night that Leyla's baby would be ok, that his muscles would protect the girls, he prayed for rain, each family member, he prayed that we would go to the store and get more toys. Then, after a long prayer, he looked around the room, threw his hands up into the air and exclaimed that that was all he could think of and he had nothing else to pray for. It made Joshua and Mercedes laugh. Luke said, "I just love his prayers."
He ADORES Joshua more than any other person. He still likes fighting Joshua and he wets his hair down so that it'll lay like Joshua's. The other day, out of the blue, he sighed and said, "I so much love Joshua. I a lot love him." He also said, "I love Jesus, Joshua loves Jesus too." That was after he had heard a Tabernacle Choir song on Pandora.
We went to Disneyland and Cub stood in line behind a lady with kind of a larger bum. He started punching it with both fists like one would toy around with a punching bag. She turned around and said hi to him, I was embarrassed and apologized. Cub that asked her to hold him and told me he liked her. I told him not to punch peoples bums again.
Cub prayed the other night that Leyla's baby would be ok, that his muscles would protect the girls, he prayed for rain, each family member, he prayed that we would go to the store and get more toys. Then, after a long prayer, he looked around the room, threw his hands up into the air and exclaimed that that was all he could think of and he had nothing else to pray for. It made Joshua and Mercedes laugh. Luke said, "I just love his prayers."
He ADORES Joshua more than any other person. He still likes fighting Joshua and he wets his hair down so that it'll lay like Joshua's. The other day, out of the blue, he sighed and said, "I so much love Joshua. I a lot love him." He also said, "I love Jesus, Joshua loves Jesus too." That was after he had heard a Tabernacle Choir song on Pandora.
We went to Disneyland and Cub stood in line behind a lady with kind of a larger bum. He started punching it with both fists like one would toy around with a punching bag. She turned around and said hi to him, I was embarrassed and apologized. Cub that asked her to hold him and told me he liked her. I told him not to punch peoples bums again.
Fast Sunday
Today we had fast and testimony mtg.
I bore my testimony about the new Come Follow Me curriculum that was implemented this January. I really do feel it is an answer to my prayers. I had been wanting to do more consistent scripture study with the kids but struggled. Usually our scripture study was me playing my scriptures over bluetooth in my van on the drive to school or a quick spiritual thought before school. I did pretty good, however I thought there was room for improvement because the topics were all over the place and I struggled putting a lot of thought into it. Come Follow Me is all layed out for me. It breaks down the topics, it has scripture references, supportive videos and songs, and it asks thoughtful questions. I know everyone has their own way of doing it, but for our family, I break it down into small scripture chunks/topics and we discuss the one or two scriptures and answer questions. Super easy, super good, and I've been diligent. Jon Mark helps the kids understand the spirit behind the scripture and I explain the scripture and ask questions. We keep it short, usually 10 minutes before evening family prayer, but those ten minutes are really good. My kids come up with some amazing insights and questions and I can feel the spirit in my home.
The other night, Luke and Mercedes got really hung up on the fact that there is no beginning or end to eternity, that we have always existed and it is one eternal round. They were quite troubled because they didn't understand. Jon Mark said that when we don't understand, we can be like Nephi and have faith. When the angel came to him and asked him whether or not he understood the condescension of God, Nephi replied that he didn't know the meaning of all things, nevertheless he knew that God loves His children. When the kids heard that, they also understood. It is not required of them to know everything, a lot of things take time and faith, and sometimes they will have to put their questions on a spiritual shelf and continue in faith. They also knew that Heavenly Father loves them, and that He won't lead them astray. This was a wonderful teaching opportunity for them. Luke said that a testimony is building your faith up a little at a time kind of like a ladder. Mercedes agreed and both of them said that they felt the spirit. Jon Mark does a good job pointing out to the children times in which they feel the spirit so that they can remember and recognize that feeling. He says that throughout our lives we will experience peaks and valleys and in those valleys when our faith is being tried, it is important to remember the times in which the Spirit bore testimony to them of the truth. I love that he does that. :)
I bore my testimony about the new Come Follow Me curriculum that was implemented this January. I really do feel it is an answer to my prayers. I had been wanting to do more consistent scripture study with the kids but struggled. Usually our scripture study was me playing my scriptures over bluetooth in my van on the drive to school or a quick spiritual thought before school. I did pretty good, however I thought there was room for improvement because the topics were all over the place and I struggled putting a lot of thought into it. Come Follow Me is all layed out for me. It breaks down the topics, it has scripture references, supportive videos and songs, and it asks thoughtful questions. I know everyone has their own way of doing it, but for our family, I break it down into small scripture chunks/topics and we discuss the one or two scriptures and answer questions. Super easy, super good, and I've been diligent. Jon Mark helps the kids understand the spirit behind the scripture and I explain the scripture and ask questions. We keep it short, usually 10 minutes before evening family prayer, but those ten minutes are really good. My kids come up with some amazing insights and questions and I can feel the spirit in my home.
The other night, Luke and Mercedes got really hung up on the fact that there is no beginning or end to eternity, that we have always existed and it is one eternal round. They were quite troubled because they didn't understand. Jon Mark said that when we don't understand, we can be like Nephi and have faith. When the angel came to him and asked him whether or not he understood the condescension of God, Nephi replied that he didn't know the meaning of all things, nevertheless he knew that God loves His children. When the kids heard that, they also understood. It is not required of them to know everything, a lot of things take time and faith, and sometimes they will have to put their questions on a spiritual shelf and continue in faith. They also knew that Heavenly Father loves them, and that He won't lead them astray. This was a wonderful teaching opportunity for them. Luke said that a testimony is building your faith up a little at a time kind of like a ladder. Mercedes agreed and both of them said that they felt the spirit. Jon Mark does a good job pointing out to the children times in which they feel the spirit so that they can remember and recognize that feeling. He says that throughout our lives we will experience peaks and valleys and in those valleys when our faith is being tried, it is important to remember the times in which the Spirit bore testimony to them of the truth. I love that he does that. :)
Friday, January 18, 2019
Taught in my Dreams
I have shared before how the Lord teaches me through my dreams at times. Some of my dreams are very spiritually edifying to me.
Last night, I had a horrifying nightmare. It was a very detailed nightmare, one that felt very real and one that I have a difficult time forgetting.
I don't know how we got there, but I was being restrained by some wicked men and Luke was before me. More wicked men came and restrained Luke. What happened next is almost to terrifying to recall and every time I have told someone about this dream, I have not been able to avoid crying as the images come back to my mind. I don't even want to share this part, because it is awful, but the men lit Luke on fire and and there was nothing that I could do to stop it. I tried to get to him, he looked confused and obviously in pain. He was looking at me and he was trying to rub the flames away. I couldn't get to him so I just kept shouting, "I love you! I love you! I love you!" I pleaded that Heavenly Father would take him so that he wouldn't be in any more pain. I just kept repeating over and over again, "I love you! Please Heavenly Father, take him!" It was awful.
I woke up in a sheer panic. Relieved that it was just a nightmare, I found Jon Mark's arms and I wrapped them around me. He could tell immediately how upset I was. I tried to go back to sleep, but everytime I closed my eyes, those awful images that I saw in great detail came back. I was partially awake when I told myself to think of something else, anything else that was happy and could replace those nightmarish images. Immediately, without any thought of my own, a new image filled my mind's eye. The Savior was there in my thoughts. For this next part, I can't say that I was sleeping, because it felt as though I was awake, but it is not as though I crafted the dream, it felt like a dream, only I feel like I was somewhat awake.
The dream "re-winded" to just before Luke was hurt by the men. I was restrained, I saw Luke, the same helpless and terrifying sensation came over me, but this time I was not alone against those men. I saw my Savior walk over to Luke, He bent down and He embraced him. While still embracing him, He looked over Luke's shoulder at me and I knew by the look He gave me what was going to happen next. And, as I type this, I still have tears pouring down my cheeks because of the gratitude and love that I felt from Him and for Him at that moment. After He hugged my son, He gave him back to me. The men didn't stop Him from giving Luke back to me. Luke walked back to my side and I held him, crying, as my Savior willingly took his place.
Thankfully, I didn't see the wicked men kill Him, but I knew that my Savior had sacrificed Himself to save my son. Overcome by emotion, I kept expressing gratitude to Heavenly Father for saving my son through the merits of His Son. I thanked Him repeatedly for giving us a Savior, a Redeemer, a Big Brother, a Best Friend. I said to my Heavenly Father that, "I get it a little better now." I felt the atonement become more real to me. I realized more deeply why I needed Jesus Christ. I needed Him not only to save us from physical death, but also to save us from the sorrow, pain, and anguish we may face in mortality. His willing sacrifice, done out of the purest of love, was a needed sacrifice. Everything depended on Him to do what He promised us He would do. It was pure love in His eyes as He took the place of my son. It was His love for me and all of us that He died those many years ago.
Thankfully the story doesn't end there. I add my own glad tidings of great joy that it doesn't... Because He triumphed over death and hell. And, someday, I will run to Him. I too will fall at His feet and I will thank Him. He will embrace me and I will know then, just as I know now, that He is my brother. My pain, although just a dream, felt so real. My joy, love, and gratitude for Him felt equally real because it is.
I reverently and absolutely declare that I know He lives. He knows me and He loves me. I am His.
Last night, I had a horrifying nightmare. It was a very detailed nightmare, one that felt very real and one that I have a difficult time forgetting.
I don't know how we got there, but I was being restrained by some wicked men and Luke was before me. More wicked men came and restrained Luke. What happened next is almost to terrifying to recall and every time I have told someone about this dream, I have not been able to avoid crying as the images come back to my mind. I don't even want to share this part, because it is awful, but the men lit Luke on fire and and there was nothing that I could do to stop it. I tried to get to him, he looked confused and obviously in pain. He was looking at me and he was trying to rub the flames away. I couldn't get to him so I just kept shouting, "I love you! I love you! I love you!" I pleaded that Heavenly Father would take him so that he wouldn't be in any more pain. I just kept repeating over and over again, "I love you! Please Heavenly Father, take him!" It was awful.
I woke up in a sheer panic. Relieved that it was just a nightmare, I found Jon Mark's arms and I wrapped them around me. He could tell immediately how upset I was. I tried to go back to sleep, but everytime I closed my eyes, those awful images that I saw in great detail came back. I was partially awake when I told myself to think of something else, anything else that was happy and could replace those nightmarish images. Immediately, without any thought of my own, a new image filled my mind's eye. The Savior was there in my thoughts. For this next part, I can't say that I was sleeping, because it felt as though I was awake, but it is not as though I crafted the dream, it felt like a dream, only I feel like I was somewhat awake.
The dream "re-winded" to just before Luke was hurt by the men. I was restrained, I saw Luke, the same helpless and terrifying sensation came over me, but this time I was not alone against those men. I saw my Savior walk over to Luke, He bent down and He embraced him. While still embracing him, He looked over Luke's shoulder at me and I knew by the look He gave me what was going to happen next. And, as I type this, I still have tears pouring down my cheeks because of the gratitude and love that I felt from Him and for Him at that moment. After He hugged my son, He gave him back to me. The men didn't stop Him from giving Luke back to me. Luke walked back to my side and I held him, crying, as my Savior willingly took his place.
Thankfully, I didn't see the wicked men kill Him, but I knew that my Savior had sacrificed Himself to save my son. Overcome by emotion, I kept expressing gratitude to Heavenly Father for saving my son through the merits of His Son. I thanked Him repeatedly for giving us a Savior, a Redeemer, a Big Brother, a Best Friend. I said to my Heavenly Father that, "I get it a little better now." I felt the atonement become more real to me. I realized more deeply why I needed Jesus Christ. I needed Him not only to save us from physical death, but also to save us from the sorrow, pain, and anguish we may face in mortality. His willing sacrifice, done out of the purest of love, was a needed sacrifice. Everything depended on Him to do what He promised us He would do. It was pure love in His eyes as He took the place of my son. It was His love for me and all of us that He died those many years ago.
Thankfully the story doesn't end there. I add my own glad tidings of great joy that it doesn't... Because He triumphed over death and hell. And, someday, I will run to Him. I too will fall at His feet and I will thank Him. He will embrace me and I will know then, just as I know now, that He is my brother. My pain, although just a dream, felt so real. My joy, love, and gratitude for Him felt equally real because it is.
I reverently and absolutely declare that I know He lives. He knows me and He loves me. I am His.
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