Subbing

Life today is good. It's moving along at a steady pace. I have been subbing at the school a lot this year and it has given me a new perspective on working moms. It's so hard to work outside of the home. I hope my daughters are given the opportunity to stay home with their young children like I did. It was really the most wonderful gift that Jon Mark could have ever given me. Working has given me so much gratitude for my sweet and wonderful husband! I love him so much and I don't have enough "thankful" words to communicate my appreciation for his ability and willingness to provide. He's such a good provider. I don't "need" the job. I do it for spending money and to stay involved in the schools amid this pandemic. It's difficult to keep up with my daily chores when I work most of the week (which is not my preference and I try really hard not to, I'd prefer to only work 1 or 2 days a week). Sometimes my weeks are fine and I enjoy subbing, sometimes it's a lot. It gives me peace knowing that I don't have to go to work outside of the home if it ever becomes too stressful. 

It has become a little more stressful. I had an accidental run-in with the principal. I covered for a teacher unexpectedly one morning. Because of the short notice, the teacher did not leave me any lesson plans. I took a few moments that morning, while the students were silently reading, to create my own lesson plans for the day. The day went really well. I was feeling really good about how the day went. It was fun, engaging, educational and I was proud of myself for taking a difficult situation and making it a pleasant one. 

At the end of the day, the principal found me and asked me how the day went. I smiled and said that it had gone really well especially since I wasn't given any lesson plans. That was the wrong thing to say. He got upset with me for not telling him earlier in the day. I told him that I had had everything under control and didn't say anything because it turned out to be a great day as we went along. He really chastised me for it, and basically told me that he absolutely did not want me to handle it in the future because he cannot have the day filled with "activities". He didn't even really let me explain about what the activities were, he was very short with me. I wanted to tell him how I felt the more professional thing to do was to handle it the way I had. I wanted to tell him that the "activities" were all very educational and fun and went along with what the students were learning in their classes. He also got upset with the teacher who failed to leave sub plans even though I explained that it was very short notice and she was very sick. Anyway, it's a long drawn-out story, but I somehow found myself on some sort of mental list that the principal needs to check off daily. 

He now checks on me multiple times a day and asks me if I have lesson plans. He also undermined my authority in front of the students. Twice he had me tell him a list of names of disruptive students from the class the day before (after the situation was handled and the students were forgiven). It's not been very fun. He makes me feel anxious and nervous. I want to tell him that I don't need this job, but he does in fact need me. I could work every day if I wanted to, I am requested daily by teachers at the school. Of course, I never say those things. But, it does help me if I say those things to myself. Really and truly, I have the option to quit if I wanted to, with Jon Mark's full support. 

Anyway, I'm not even sure why I wrote this post, it seems rather long and negative. My point was to record how thankful I am for Jon Mark. ;)

Funny Cubby

 Cubby did a couple of things recently that were funny. Our family got the dreaded Covid this past month, but it didn't seem to affect us hardly at all. Some of us lost our sense of smell for a few weeks, and we had a minor stuffing nose, and hot flashes, but I would say that it was very mild. It was so mild, in fact, that I exercised every day during quarantine. I had to be careful to hit the hiking trails when no one else really goes hiking, and I had to be sure that the trail accounted for social distancing. I took the kids hiking one day, when they were actually done with quarantine, and were allowed back at school. There was a miscommunication with the school and I decided to not send them because they freaked out and it was obvious that they needed a warning. 

Cub isn't a fan of hiking. He gets into the mommy bubble and decides that he's done before the hike is actually done, which is a problem because I can't carry him down the mountain. He tested my patience so much that day. He decided that he was done when there was still a good 1.5 miles left to go. Joshua was kind enough to stay back with me, Hannah, and Caleb. Mercedes and Luke ditched us and headed for the car. 

On this hike, Caleb liked to dramatically stop, kick off his shoes, and then sit down and cry about his shoes falling off. Feeling frustrated, I turned to Joshua and told him that he should call Mrs. Maher and tell her that she could expect Caleb to come to school that day because he was giving his mother a difficult time on the hike. Joshua didn't even have a phone, but he put his hand to his ear and pretended to call Caleb's teacher. Caleb believed him and increased his pace and was obviously distressed at the thought of going back to school. This worked off and on several times until Cub basically shut down and refused to move any further. That's when I got on my "bad dog" voice and told him that if he didn't beat Hannah to the parking lot, then he'd definitely be dropped off at school on the way home from the hike. That worked better than I could have thought! He TOOK OFF! Hannah (not knowing the deal) felt like her own speed was being questioned so she also took off, which angered Caleb because he is still not faster than Hannah. So, Joshua raced up to Hannah and explained the situation and told her to let Caleb win. She wasn't happy about it, but she did. Caleb was so fast that Joshua had a difficult time catching up to him when I began to worry about the busy parking lot. Hannah had to bite her tongue once we were in the car and Caleb began bragging about beating his older sister. Sheesh!

The other story involves the watching of Strawberry Shortcake, a show that Hannah picked out to the dismay of her younger brother. Caleb was very unhappy about having to watch a girl show, but he watched it anyway. The plot climaxed when Strawberry Shortcake and Blueberry were trapped in a cave under ground with a large corn on the cob. They were distressed because they did not know how they could possibly escape through the hole in the top because they were so little. I heard Caleb say to the tv, in a rather annoyed fashion, "move the corn on the cob to the hole and use it as a ladder!" Then, without missing a beat, almost as if Strawberry Shortcake could hear Caleb, the TV answered, "I know! Let's move the corn on the cob to the hole and climb it like a ladder!" Caleb threw his hands in the air, and said to no one, "they are SO stupid!"

Silly Hannah, Sweet Mer

We've been watching a show called The Mandalorian as a family. The Mandalorian isn't allowed to ever take off his helmet. It's apparently against his religion in the show. So, we watched several episodes and never knew what he looked like. He finally takes his helmet off in one episode briefly. I overheard Hannah mutter to herself, "Oh! I always thought that the Mandalorian was handsome, but it turns out that he's ugly. I'm just going to pretend like I didn't see his face."

Mercedes has made a goal to not yell at her siblings anymore. If she can go a whole month with only yelling two times or less, then I told her I'd buy her a baby doll that she's got her eye on. Today she asked me if it counted as yelling if she was yelling at her siblings after school waiting for my car, like if they're in someone's way or they aren't sticking together, or whatever. I said that it did count because there is always a nicer way to talk to someone, even if they are breaking the rules. She's trying hard. She's been getting headaches every day. I took her to the eye dr but her vision is perfect and there's nothing wrong with her eye anatomy. I was told to keep a headache journal and then take it to the dr to explore further why she's getting a headache so often. Her head hurts to the point of tears most afternoons. I hope we can discover the cause. Maybe it's hormonal because of puberty.

Oh, Cubby

Cubby is funny. I can't remember if I wrote this down or not, so here it is {possibly again}.

*Caleb has some funny words for cereal and each name is very descriptive. He asked Jon Mark for the no taste cereal the other day {that cereal was Rice Krispie's not the sweetened kind}. Then, another day he asked for Candy Crunch {that cereal is really called Captain Crunch}.

*Caleb hates bath time. I don't get it, but he does. The other day I smelled him and said, "dude! You are definitely getting a bath, you stink." He gave me his sideways smile and raised eyebrow and declared, "not today, Sucker!" It was really funny, but I made certain that he got a bath.

*Caleb still doesn't like school. In fact, he hates it. I've been really trying to praise him when he does something without complaining or does something the first time I ask him to do it. So, I said to Jon Mark {fully intending for Cub to hear}, "Daddy, did you know that Caleb is really growing up? Today he did his homework and didn't cry even one time, and he took a bath without complaining. Today, he even went into the garage to hang up his back pack without saying he was scared. I think he must be turning 6 or something really soon because he is acting so mature." Caleb looked proud of himself and then said, "yeah, well, you know that I don't want you to throw away one of my birthday presents. My teacher says that if you act like a little kid when you have a birthday, your parents will throw away a present and I don't want that to happen. Why would I ever want that to happen?"

*The other day he said to me, "you know that I love you mom? I love you so much! Why would I ever not want to love you? I would never want that to happen."

A Conversation With Luke and Hannah

 Today the kids really wanted to go to Grandma and Papa Haws's house. My mom was having a primary presidency meeting, so I didn't want to send all of the kids over to their house. I told Mercedes to go ahead and go because Joshua was using the computer for his homework and she also needed a computer for her homework. Luke and Hannah were upset with me because I wouldn't let them go. So, to console them, I told them that they could help me make dinner (my three middle kids LOVE making dinner and just being in the kitchen with me).

So, we are making dinner and listening to a song on Alexa. The song is called, "Don't Take the Girl" by Tim McGraw. In the song, there's this stanza: "Same old boy, same sweet girl, five years down the road. There's gonna be a little one and she says it's time to go. Dr. said the baby's fine, but you'll have to leave, cuz his mamma's fading fast, and Johnnie hit his knees and there he prayed. Take the very breath you gave me, take the heart from my chest. I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me, make this my last request. Take me out of this world, God, please don't take the girl."

Luke loves babies, he loves the thought of marriage. It really drives him to be better and do better whenever he thinks of his future wife and kids. He's only 9, but he talks about it often. He has a heart that's so big and soft, he's destined to be a great husband and father. As we were listening to the song, he turned to me and said, "Mom, I wouldn't even hesitate. If it all came down to me having the choice of saving my own life or saving someone else's life, I will always save that other person. I wouldn't even have to think about it." Hannah's eyes got wide and she started nodding in agreement. She said, "I believe him, mom. Luke always tells me that he will save me, he won't let anything hurt me. I believe him because he is very brave." 

I, then said, "You know, Jesus himself said that there was no greater love than laying down your life to save your friend. And, who laid down His life to save all of us?" They knew the answer, so I continued, "isn't it wonderful that our older Brother did all of that for us to save us? Isn't it wonderful that He would have done it even if it was just for you and you alone? He did that because He loves us and because He knew that that was the only way for us to have eternal life with our loved ones and have the ability to progress. All would have been lost if He came and didn't do all that He said He'd do."

Luke looked like he was really understanding and reaffirmed that he'd lay down his life to save others as well. Then, he said, "my only regret would be that I would never get to have a wife and my own kids because I'd die young." I then realized that he didn't fully grasp the blessings of living a righteous life. I said, "Luke, there's even more good news. Did you know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have promised us that no blessing will ever be denied the righteous? If you live a righteous life, you will have all the blessings of the gospel even if you were to die young. That's what the millennium is for." It's hard to describe what happened next, because I could feel a new sense of love, and gratitude that Luke had for his Savior in that moment. He earnestly said to me, "wow, you just lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders just now when you said that! I always knew that I wouldn't hesitate to save someone if I had to, I'd die for them, but still a part of me was sad because I knew that dying for them would mean that I'd never get to have my own family someday. You just lifted a huge weight off of me." It was really sweet. 

I'm thankful for finding those golden nugget opportunities to teach the gospel on a deeper level and in a way that causes my children to make connections in their own lives. I know that Hannah and Luke have a deeper connection with Christ now. 

The other day, the three oldest hiked Flat Iron with me. It is a difficult hike, especially for younger children. Mercedes and Luke found it difficult to hike with the load of water they had to carry. Wanting the hike to be a good experience (and to actually accomplish it) I carried Luke's water and my own, since he was the youngest. I had a backpack of water strapped to my back and another back pack of water strapped to my front. I carried it for a good two miles when Joshua took it from me and began carrying it along with his own water. He didn't even say anything, he just took it and started to carry it. He knows that I have back and neck pain, and so this act of kindness was incredibly appreciated. 

A little while later, the trail had gotten so steep that you had to climb with all fours to get over boulders. Knowing that Joshua would have a hard time with a back pack strapped across his chest, I told Luke it was time for him to carry his own water. He turned to take it from me and realized for the first time that Joshua had been carrying it silently. He said, "what?! Joshua is carrying my water?" I said, "Isn't it wonderful that you have an older brother who loves you and me so much that he helps us carry our load when it gets too heavy?" As I said it, I made the connection and wanted them to make it too, so I continued, "isn't it wonderful that we have another older Brother who does just that for us in life, too? When our burdens get too heavy, Jesus will take our burdens and help us carry it, because He's capable and He loves us. His yoke is easy and His burden is light." 

Fast forward a couple of days later, and that same scenario happened again. My dad relayed the following story to me (hopefully I'm not misremembering). The kids had gone on a walk to my parents house. My dad knew they were coming, and when they had taken much longer getting to the house, he went to look for them on the trail. Apparently, Caleb had fallen off of his bike and was bleeding and crying. When my dad found them, he saw Luke (on his rollerblades) carrying a crying Caleb on his back. Jesus does that for us too. He finds us in the dark, scared, beaten down, maybe even spiritually bleeding, He picks us up and He carries us to safety. I am so thankful for my older Brother. 

I needed those experiences with my children to make those connections again in my own life.   

Last of 2020 pictures

 

Pause, Take a Deep Breath, Do the Next Right Thing Part 2

 I didn't realize that I hadn't recorded my other experience. This one is a bit more personal to a child of mine, so I'll keep it more general than give the play by play of our conversation.

Joshua had done something stupid and tried to cover it up. I knew that he was guilty, and I knew he was lying to my face about it. I wasn't as upset about the actual thing he was getting in trouble for, I was more concerned about him lying to me about it. I didn't say anything though, I waited for him to decide to come and tell me the truth. Also, I didn't know what I was going to say or how I was going to handle the situation and so I wanted time to discuss the matter with Jon Mark. So, I sat silent in the office, just kind of waiting. It didn't take more than ten minutes before my sweet boy came running into the office and gave me the biggest bear hug that he's ever given me. You know what it was like? It was like a child running to the safety of his parent, and clinging to that parent as if your life depended on it. He was crying and upset. All of these things are very out of character for this son of mine. I think 7th grade feels heavy sometimes. He admitted to me that he had lied and tried to cover up the truth because he was afraid that he'd get in trouble. I don't think I handled the first part of this conversation all that well. Looking back on it, with 20/20 vision, I see myself as too emotional and perhaps I over-reacted when I cried along with him. I should probably be a little more composed in the future. However, once we hugged for a long while, we had a really good, spiritual conversation and it was one of those moments that I knew he had felt the stirrings of the gospel on a very personal level and made some very personal connections with the Savior.

I told Joshua that no one grows up to be wise without learning from some mistakes along the way. Our wisdom and growth occur when we learn from those mistakes. So, although we try our best to be obedient and keep all of the commandments, we will falter and fall as we make our way down the path. The important thing to do is to get back up, learn from it, and keep trying. I told him that mistakes were all apart of the Plan. Heavenly Father gave us agency, knowing that we would make mistakes. Knowing this, Heavenly Father provided a Savior for us, and isn't it wonderful that Christ became our Savior? Isn't it wonderful that Jesus came and atoned for our sins and gave us the gift of repentance? Repentance is truly a gift, and we need to use it. It's not all for nothing. It's glorious! As we talked, I could see the sorrow he felt for making his mistake, I could also see the gratitude that he had for Christ as he made a very personal connection of the atonement and how it relates to his own life. Christ wants to help lift us out of the pits we dig for ourselves so that we might have joy. Satan wants to keep us in that pit and feel miserable. Surely our Savior's yoke is easy and His burden is light, for He helps us carry it. I was thankful for this teaching opportunity with my son. I was thankful that our talk helped him understand the Savior's role a little more deeply and that it was over a smaller mistake rather than a big one.

I read in D&C 64:33-34:

Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and the obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.  

I love that scripture! By small means of teaching moments, scripture study, prayer, FHE etc. we are helping out children build their own strong foundations.