Elder Packer passed away recently. Before he died, he requested that certain excepts of his be published in the Liahona magazine after he died. Lds.org had published it also, and I read it the other night for scripture study.
I don't want to say too much on something so sacred here on the internet, suffice it to say, when I read the paragraph below, I felt the witness of the Holy Ghost whisper to my heart that the twelve apostles work closely with the Lord. I was reminded in a very personal and sincere way that the Lord, Jesus Christ, directs His church. The twelve apostles are special witnesses, and what makes them special? I think that the answer to that question is clearly stated in the following excerpt.
“After all the years that I have lived and taught and served, after the millions of miles I have traveled around the world, with all that I have experienced, there is one great truth that I would share. That is my witness of the Savior Jesus Christ.
“Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon recorded the following after a sacred experience:
“‘And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
“Their words are my words.”6
“How privileged I have been throughout my life to be able to bear my special witness that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God. I testify in all humility, but with absolute certainty, that He is the Only Begotten of the Father. This is His Church; He presides over it and directs this work. He is our Redeemer. I know He lives, and I know Him. Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”7
After reading that, I was filled with a stronger sense of conviction that I belong to the true church. Reading that testimony helped me see more clearly that Christ really does exist. He is there, and He knows me and loves me. So much gratitude entered my heart. I went up to by bedroom and knelt for my nightly prayer. As I prayed, something very tangible happened to me. I could feel the Spirit testify to me about the truthfulness of certain things. It was like the sun rising on the horizon. Little by little, the darkness was consumed by light. One thought after another was placed in my mind, quickly and assuredly.
First, and foremost, I was grateful. I was grateful to my Savior for atoning for my sins. I desired to be made perfect, to put off the natural man (something that I am always trying to do, and yet falter at so many times). The Holy Ghost bore witness to me of the truthfulness of the atonement, and I felt so grateful for the redeeming power that the act of the atonement offers me. I always think of the atonement in terms of Christ suffering for our sins and sorrows, but at that moment I understood the "why". And the "why" is progression. He loves us, and He wants us to progress. Without the ability to repent, without the ability to triumph over our fallen state, we would be doomed. Our progression would be halted. But, because He atoned for our sins and He suffered our sorrows, we are not doomed. We are saved! And, we are promised all that the Father has, so long as we are faithful. Progression through eternity brings to us His blessings.
Secondly, I was taught about the Plan of Salvation and that it is truly a plan of happiness. My posterity brings me joy. My relationship with Jon Mark brings me so much happiness. Being a wife and a mother is so important to me and because of our Heavenly Father's plan, I will have the opportunity to continue in those two callings throughout eternity. I want this so desperately. My heart yearns for eternal companionship with my love, and continued relationships with my children. I also have been desiring to know more strongly that I will be able to have babies again in the eternities, that my days snuggling my own newborn babies aren't behind me. I know it may seem silly, but knowing that Caleb is my last baby breaks my heart. It has weighed heavily upon my mind. I have always been taught, and I kind of knew, but I wanted to be at peace concerning the matter. I have been praying for peace, and further knowledge. I feel like my prayer was answered. The Spirit taught me, that because of the atonement, I will have the opportunity to create spirit children. I was reminded of the importance of making it to the highest level of Celestial Kingdom so that "all that the Father has" will be bestowed upon me. I am so grateful! I love my Father in Heaven and I am grateful that He loves us and wants to give us all the joy that He was. Family is where my joy is found.
Third, I pictured in my mind's eye that when I serve others, I am literally serving my Savior. This is something else that I have always been taught, and known, but I knew it so much more clearly while I prayed. I love Him so much, and to show Him that I love Him, I am to serve my fellow man. I was taught this so clearly in those moments of prayer. Since that day, I have tried to ask myself, how can I serve my Savior today? At the end of the day, I think over the day and ask myself if I was successful at serving Him at least once. This new way of thinking has taught me about compassion and charity. I hope to continue it.
The experience is difficult to describe and perhaps I am unable to do so because it was a spiritual experience and oftentimes our imperfect language cannot always put into words things of the spirit. My sister in law, Michelle, says that it is difficult to describe a Celestial experience using Telestial words. She reminded me that the Holy Ghost acts as a translator for those experiences. When we bear testimony of our spiritual experiences, the Holy Ghosts helps others feel more completely what our words cannot say. Spirit to spirit, heart to heart, the Holy Ghost translates our experiences in a more perfect way. After my prayer, I felt so edified that I didn't want to forget anything. So, I grabbed my phone and I recorded some of my thoughts. I found myself pondering why it is difficult to keep that feeling and those thoughts with myself always. If I could always feel as I felt at that moment, perfection would surely be attainable because I was seeing with spiritual eyes, and they see things so much more clearly. My perspective was an eternal one.
Stronger and edified, I am left with one goal, really the one goal I have always had or wanted--returning home to my Father in Heaven.
