The other day, Jon Mark and I got to go on a date. We had a gift card to Texas Roadhouse that we used up, it turned out being the exact amount we needed. Then, we went for a stroll around American Furniture Warehouse. That place is huge! Jon Mark's knee was hurting him towards the end, that's just how much walking this store makes you do. It was a fun date.
It's funny what you can learn about your spouse just from walking around a furniture store. After nearly ten years of marriage, I am still learning new things about my man. Yes, I can finish his sentences, and I can literally read his thoughts, but if you ask me which TV console he'd prefer to have, well, I'd get it wrong just about every time.
This is what I do know, he is a minimalist when it comes to furniture. But... he has expensive tastes. He doesn't like conversational pieces, nothing too weird or artistic for this guy. Nope, I probably got that wrong, too. We did find our dream bedroom set, we agreed on it the moment we saw it. But, the bad news is that it will be a considerable amount of time before we can afford anything like it.
I learned that I am a lucky girl. Nearly ten years of marriage and we enjoy being with one another just as we did when we were dating. Jon Mark's profession testifies that this isn't the case in many marriages. I love him, and I am so glad he's mine.
I also learned that we are DONE after 5 kids. I started to get all sappy when I touched my belly and realized that this is the last time I will be pregnant. It's a tough chapter to close. I asked him if he was absolutely sure we were done after 5, and he is. I am done, too. It makes sense to be done, financially, physically, emotionally, it just makes sense.
It's kind of surreal. The last 8 years of my life have revolved around babies and pregnancy. What will conversations be like at family gatherings once all of us are done? Maybe the men and others around us women will be relieved by some new "normal" conversations. The thought of never snuggling a newborn again (that is, my own newborn) is heart wrenching to me. I can't fathom it. I made Jon Mark reiterate to me the things that I already knew, that I would get the opportunity to have babies again as we progress eternally. I don't know if our spirit children will be snuggly, or if I will be able to nurse them, I don't know how that works. But, Jon Mark promised me that whatever the order is of heaven, whatever it is like, it surpasses any amount of joy or happiness that we can feel now in mortality. That's a nice thought to reflect upon.
I was always told that "you'll know when you're done". That's what everyone says. I guess I do know it, but I always thought that being done meant there was a sense of closure, of completeness. I didn't know that done could mean that there would still be longing. And, perhaps that longing never really goes away. As my children grow, each new phase means a close of a chapter. But, it doesn't mean it's the end of the story. The story goes on. It keeps changing and evolving, just like the best of stories do. And, while closing a chapter may be difficult, because the chapter is so good, it has to be done. I am thankful that I have such a great man by my side to share the story of my life with. We are living it together, and we will close those chapters together, side by side until we rest from mortality and experience the eternities together. I'm excited! There's no one I'd rather share it with.
Until then, I will enjoy the sight of Joshua jumping constantly on the trampoline. I will try not to get to frustrated with him every time I have to remind him to focus. My heart will still burst when I think back upon Mercedes telling me how she blew Jesus a kiss and that she misses him, but that she can feel him close every day because the Holy Ghost lives in her heart and talks to her. I will chuckle when I remember how much Luke loved skin to skin contact. I will smile each time I think of Hannah wrinkling her nose when she smiles and how she jumps into Jon Mark's arms whenever I tell her it's night night time. And, every time I feel this baby kick me from the inside, I will reflect on the gratitude that I feel that my body was capable of creating life 5 times over. That's a pretty darn good chapter. Life is good! I'm excited to see what the next chapter will bring.
