Monday, September 19, 2016
Mercedes Moment
I was tucking Mercedes into bed when she shared with me that she had been shown a video by one of her aunts that showed two men kissing at the end. She said, "I knew it was wrong, so I made the decision to look away and not watch that video anymore." I talked with this aunt, and she had no idea that the video showed that. The video was clean and quirky, but she had turned her head for the final few seconds of the video and that is when it happened. I said to Mercedes that we live in a time when unfortunately a lot of people are confused and they will try to tell you that certain things are okay when they're not. I was sorry that she had seen that, but she did the right thing to turn away and stop watching it. I told her that we are blessed to have a living prophet who will guide us safely on a path of righteousness in a confused world. I told her that she can trust her church leaders, her family, and the prophet, because we love her and won't lead her astray. She took it a step further and said, "Yes, but mom, Heavenly Father wants us to love the confused people and to show them by our examples how they should live." She's so right.
Primary Program
This past Sunday we had our primary program.
It was, perhaps, the best program I have been to.
I am a Sunbeams teacher. So, I was handling about 9 little 3 year olds. It was busy, but I felt the spirit so strong.
I've shared this before, but I'll share it again. I was disappointed when I got called to primary. I was looking forward to being able to be kid-less for two hours of church. Church with 5 kids is a challenge, and on some days it's really hard. Jon Mark and I are in agreement that we are building seeds of faith for our children, and we are obedient even when it's hard. We hope that we get spiritual fulfillment from church, but some Sunday's we spent more time in the halls than in class. You can imagine my excitement when I realized that Caleb was a month away from going to nursery. I was excited to be spiritually uplifted in Relief Society each week. That's when I was called to be a Sunbeam teacher. I was on the verge of heart broken. I know it sounds silly. But, I accepted the call, because I will always accept the call to serve.
The first Sunday was extremely difficult. There are a couple of kids in my class with REAL behavioral issues. I have a lot of experience with children, and I even have quite a bit of experience with special needs children. One of my Sunbeams surpasses all of the difficult children that I have worked with in the past. He is so challenging. My first Sunday as his teacher, I was punched and kicked, spat upon, and at one point he pinched my butt. His relationship with me has come a long way. Nevertheless, I left to go home that day, and I was discouraged, stressed out, and I may or may not have cried.
But, all of this goes to show just how the Lord is aware of me and my needs. I have been blessed countless times with spiritual experiences since I accepted the call. The last few months I have felt so uplifted in primary. I have also been blessed with experiences outside of primary. I am beginning to think that the Lord knew what He was doing putting me in with the Sunbeams ;) Maybe, those kids need me and I also need them. The Lord has taken care of my needs. I trust Him.
Well, the primary program was one of those moments for myself, and for many in attendance. I was overcome to the point of tears on the last song. We sang the song, "Praise to the Man", the kids sang, the congregation joined in, and then the kids finished the last verse. It was amazing. Later, as I was tucking Joshua into bed, he asked me to sing the song, "Children Holding Hands Around the World". He picked that song because he said, "I don't know, there is just something about that song that makes me feel like I am fighting on the Lord's team, and I'm fighting a spiritual battle in the last days." He then went on to tell me that he had had a very spiritual moment during the primary program. He reflected upon a time weeks earlier when I had asked him to eat all of his sweet potato fries before he was allowed a yogurt. He hates sweet potato fries and I wasn't looking so he decided to not eat all of them and just throw them away and get his yogurt. He said that he was about to throw them away when he felt like that was dishonest and that he wanted to be honest even when people weren't looking. So, he ate the fries. He told me that when he was singing the song, "Children Holding Hands Around the World" he felt like the Holy Ghost had communicated to him that in that experience the Holy Ghost had helped him make the right choice when before he thought it was his own thoughts. He said, "Mom, it was a very spiritual moment for me and it left me on a more solid foundation. My testimony is so much stronger now." I expressed gratitude to him for sharing that with me and I told him that as he gets older he will learn how the spirit communicates to him, but that he can know that whatever invites us and intices us to do good, it is of the Lord. That is the spirit of the Holy Ghost and someday when he looks back on his life, he will be amazed at how many times the spirit helped him.
It was a good mom moment. It is sinking in. Even when Family Home Evening is loud and it looks like they aren't listening, they are. Even when church is hard, we are in the right place doing the right thing.
It was, perhaps, the best program I have been to.
I am a Sunbeams teacher. So, I was handling about 9 little 3 year olds. It was busy, but I felt the spirit so strong.
I've shared this before, but I'll share it again. I was disappointed when I got called to primary. I was looking forward to being able to be kid-less for two hours of church. Church with 5 kids is a challenge, and on some days it's really hard. Jon Mark and I are in agreement that we are building seeds of faith for our children, and we are obedient even when it's hard. We hope that we get spiritual fulfillment from church, but some Sunday's we spent more time in the halls than in class. You can imagine my excitement when I realized that Caleb was a month away from going to nursery. I was excited to be spiritually uplifted in Relief Society each week. That's when I was called to be a Sunbeam teacher. I was on the verge of heart broken. I know it sounds silly. But, I accepted the call, because I will always accept the call to serve.
The first Sunday was extremely difficult. There are a couple of kids in my class with REAL behavioral issues. I have a lot of experience with children, and I even have quite a bit of experience with special needs children. One of my Sunbeams surpasses all of the difficult children that I have worked with in the past. He is so challenging. My first Sunday as his teacher, I was punched and kicked, spat upon, and at one point he pinched my butt. His relationship with me has come a long way. Nevertheless, I left to go home that day, and I was discouraged, stressed out, and I may or may not have cried.
But, all of this goes to show just how the Lord is aware of me and my needs. I have been blessed countless times with spiritual experiences since I accepted the call. The last few months I have felt so uplifted in primary. I have also been blessed with experiences outside of primary. I am beginning to think that the Lord knew what He was doing putting me in with the Sunbeams ;) Maybe, those kids need me and I also need them. The Lord has taken care of my needs. I trust Him.
Well, the primary program was one of those moments for myself, and for many in attendance. I was overcome to the point of tears on the last song. We sang the song, "Praise to the Man", the kids sang, the congregation joined in, and then the kids finished the last verse. It was amazing. Later, as I was tucking Joshua into bed, he asked me to sing the song, "Children Holding Hands Around the World". He picked that song because he said, "I don't know, there is just something about that song that makes me feel like I am fighting on the Lord's team, and I'm fighting a spiritual battle in the last days." He then went on to tell me that he had had a very spiritual moment during the primary program. He reflected upon a time weeks earlier when I had asked him to eat all of his sweet potato fries before he was allowed a yogurt. He hates sweet potato fries and I wasn't looking so he decided to not eat all of them and just throw them away and get his yogurt. He said that he was about to throw them away when he felt like that was dishonest and that he wanted to be honest even when people weren't looking. So, he ate the fries. He told me that when he was singing the song, "Children Holding Hands Around the World" he felt like the Holy Ghost had communicated to him that in that experience the Holy Ghost had helped him make the right choice when before he thought it was his own thoughts. He said, "Mom, it was a very spiritual moment for me and it left me on a more solid foundation. My testimony is so much stronger now." I expressed gratitude to him for sharing that with me and I told him that as he gets older he will learn how the spirit communicates to him, but that he can know that whatever invites us and intices us to do good, it is of the Lord. That is the spirit of the Holy Ghost and someday when he looks back on his life, he will be amazed at how many times the spirit helped him.
It was a good mom moment. It is sinking in. Even when Family Home Evening is loud and it looks like they aren't listening, they are. Even when church is hard, we are in the right place doing the right thing.
Thursday, August 25, 2016
One Last Post for Tonight: My Dream
I've posted a lot today, but while I had time, I wanted to blog about one more item. A few nights ago, I had a dream. In my dream, I can remember running around being a super spy of sorts. It was full of excitement, a little bit of fear, but mostly I was courageously acting the part of a secret spy. It was weird.
At the end of the dream, I was at an airport, still acting like a spy. Suddenly, I turned around and I saw my grandma standing behind me. She didn't say much. She just looked at me like she had some exciting news. She looked the same in my dream as she does today. A small, 90something little lady with glasses. I was confused about why she was suddenly there, I mean, I was a spy on a mission. But, I was pleased to see her. Then, she stepped aside a little and revealed a man sitting on the couch behind her. I recognized him immediately as my grandpa who had died a handful of years earlier. He was still a grandpa, but he was healthy and strong and looked so vibrant and full of life. I gasped. How could it be? He had died and yet, here he was looking so much alive and well. I looked back at my grandma who was smiling and had tears in her eyes. As though she had read my thoughts, she said, "yes, Ralae, he is here. He is really here. This is real." I cried, and sensing that our time was very short, I hugged him and quickly got the words out that I loved him and missed him before it was too late. Literally, right at the moment that I said the words, my alarm went off and I woke up.
I was thankful for the dream. I was a little confused, I mean, why had they suddenly appeared in my dream that was so far off from being about grandparents. It stayed with me all day, and the next day, and the day after that. I cried when I told it to others. I believe it was just a dream. I don't think that my grandpa was really there with me, I could be wrong, but I feel like the dream was meant to serve another purpose. Because I was thinking about it so much, I had a moment while exercising in which my loved ones who had passed on, particularly both of my grandpas, felt close. Maybe they were there in the garage with me? I don't know, but it did feel like maybe they were. I was listening to a song, not a religious one, and I had a thought and a feeling that our loved ones are very close. My grandpa's felt very close. I looked around me and said aloud, "are you here? Hi." So, as the song played, I couldn't help but feel like the words to an ordinary love song can be applicable to our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness and that everything is going to be alright. The song is called, "No One".
I just want you close, where you can stay forever. You can be sure, that it will only get better.
You and me together, through the days and nights, I won't worry 'cause everything's gonna be alright.
People keep talking, they can say what they like, but all I know is everything's gonna be alright.
No one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I'm feeling. No one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I feel for you.
When the rain is falling down and my heart is hurting, you will always be around, this I know for certain.
You and me together, through the days and nights, I don't worry 'cause I know everything's gonna be alright. People can say what they like, but all I know is everything's gonna be alright.
See? It applies right? Our loved ones are close, they help us. They are cheering for us. They want us to succeed. I felt it more strongly as I exercised on the elliptical machine. I told Heavenly Father that I want to be taught, and He is teaching me. My thoughts soon turned to Gavin. He's around us too. I thought of Michelle, and how difficult it would be to lose a child. I thought of Leyla and how difficult it would be to lose a Husband. I thought of my grandma's and my parents and in laws and thought of their loss. I thought about trials and how hard they are, and yet how beautiful they are. I have cherished the moments in which my heart has cried and then I have felt His arms around me. I have cherished the times in which the words to the hymn, "More Holiness Give Me" have rung true to my own soul, especially the line about "more freedom from earth-stains, more longing for home". That line doesn't mean I want to die, it means I want to feel my Heavenly Home more abundantly in my life and a longing for keeping myself pure so that I can return there. I thought more on trials. I thought about how we covenant to give all we have to the Lord. Sometimes, that means giving those we love. That means when our loved ones die, and although we miss them, we trust Heavenly Father, we find His hand and we take it--instead of crumbling under the weight of the trial. I hope I never have to lose a child or a husband, or anyone else in the near future. But, I told my Father in Heaven that I will always, always choose Him. Always.
I'm thankful for the dream, for the chain of reminders it began in my mind.
At the end of the dream, I was at an airport, still acting like a spy. Suddenly, I turned around and I saw my grandma standing behind me. She didn't say much. She just looked at me like she had some exciting news. She looked the same in my dream as she does today. A small, 90something little lady with glasses. I was confused about why she was suddenly there, I mean, I was a spy on a mission. But, I was pleased to see her. Then, she stepped aside a little and revealed a man sitting on the couch behind her. I recognized him immediately as my grandpa who had died a handful of years earlier. He was still a grandpa, but he was healthy and strong and looked so vibrant and full of life. I gasped. How could it be? He had died and yet, here he was looking so much alive and well. I looked back at my grandma who was smiling and had tears in her eyes. As though she had read my thoughts, she said, "yes, Ralae, he is here. He is really here. This is real." I cried, and sensing that our time was very short, I hugged him and quickly got the words out that I loved him and missed him before it was too late. Literally, right at the moment that I said the words, my alarm went off and I woke up.
I was thankful for the dream. I was a little confused, I mean, why had they suddenly appeared in my dream that was so far off from being about grandparents. It stayed with me all day, and the next day, and the day after that. I cried when I told it to others. I believe it was just a dream. I don't think that my grandpa was really there with me, I could be wrong, but I feel like the dream was meant to serve another purpose. Because I was thinking about it so much, I had a moment while exercising in which my loved ones who had passed on, particularly both of my grandpas, felt close. Maybe they were there in the garage with me? I don't know, but it did feel like maybe they were. I was listening to a song, not a religious one, and I had a thought and a feeling that our loved ones are very close. My grandpa's felt very close. I looked around me and said aloud, "are you here? Hi." So, as the song played, I couldn't help but feel like the words to an ordinary love song can be applicable to our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness and that everything is going to be alright. The song is called, "No One".
I just want you close, where you can stay forever. You can be sure, that it will only get better.
You and me together, through the days and nights, I won't worry 'cause everything's gonna be alright.
People keep talking, they can say what they like, but all I know is everything's gonna be alright.
No one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I'm feeling. No one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I feel for you.
When the rain is falling down and my heart is hurting, you will always be around, this I know for certain.
You and me together, through the days and nights, I don't worry 'cause I know everything's gonna be alright. People can say what they like, but all I know is everything's gonna be alright.
See? It applies right? Our loved ones are close, they help us. They are cheering for us. They want us to succeed. I felt it more strongly as I exercised on the elliptical machine. I told Heavenly Father that I want to be taught, and He is teaching me. My thoughts soon turned to Gavin. He's around us too. I thought of Michelle, and how difficult it would be to lose a child. I thought of Leyla and how difficult it would be to lose a Husband. I thought of my grandma's and my parents and in laws and thought of their loss. I thought about trials and how hard they are, and yet how beautiful they are. I have cherished the moments in which my heart has cried and then I have felt His arms around me. I have cherished the times in which the words to the hymn, "More Holiness Give Me" have rung true to my own soul, especially the line about "more freedom from earth-stains, more longing for home". That line doesn't mean I want to die, it means I want to feel my Heavenly Home more abundantly in my life and a longing for keeping myself pure so that I can return there. I thought more on trials. I thought about how we covenant to give all we have to the Lord. Sometimes, that means giving those we love. That means when our loved ones die, and although we miss them, we trust Heavenly Father, we find His hand and we take it--instead of crumbling under the weight of the trial. I hope I never have to lose a child or a husband, or anyone else in the near future. But, I told my Father in Heaven that I will always, always choose Him. Always.
I'm thankful for the dream, for the chain of reminders it began in my mind.
Misc Pictures 4
Mercedes likes my hair curly, so I wore it like this to meet the teacher night. I think she actually thought I looked prettier with the curlers still in my hair. Mercedes is a sensitive girl. And, even at a young age, the difference between boys and girls is astounding sometimes.
I've wanted to record this for a while and time got away, but when I had weaned Caleb and he nursed for the last time, I cried. I cried a lot. It was such a sad day. The kids saw that I was sad and they innocently tried to make me feel better in sincere, but different ways. Joshua said to me, "I just don't get it. I mean, you literally have another human being sucking on you and you actually are sad that that's over?" He wasn't being mean or trite, he was honestly baffled. Mercedes quickly came over to me, climbed up next to me on the couch and said, "Mom, I know you're sad because you're done having babies and you'll never be able to nurse again. But, I'm not done having babies. Someday I'll be grown up and I'll have lots of babies and you can nurse them sometimes if you want to. I'll share with you!" And, finally, there was Luke. "Mom, you can nurse me again if you want to." HAHA!
Luke was really excited about school. He felt so grown up. This is his cool guy expression. It's the one he's been using in all of the pictures nowadays.
After meet the teacher, Luke was ecstatic. But, Joshua crushed his dreams when he said, "Right now you're just excited because you haven't started school yet. Give it a couple days and you'll know how awful it is." That made me sad. I got on him. After the first day of school all of the kids were crying. It was going to be a long year. So, Jon Mark and I came up with a plan. The kids could earn an extra half hour before bedtime if they got their homework done before 4:00 and if they had good attitudes. It has actually worked and I think it has changed their perspective. They are happier and doing better at their school work. I also have been very consistent with having a little devotional/spiritual thought/scripture every morning before they leave for school, so woohoo for me!
I painted a faceless angel.
Jazi and Hannah are becoming good friends.
I work out every day in our garage in 115+ degree heat. I get VERY sweaty.
Caleb is ALWAYS busy. Always. He wanders to and fro always on the go. He tries to do anything that isn't safe. He loves his dad. I mean, he LOVES him. Really, I don't know how to say how much he loves him. I love him too, so he gets lots of love.
Hannah is smart and funny. She loves life and is full of giggles and love. She sings "Gethsemene" at the top of her lungs and prances about the house. She does tricks on the trampoline and is quite good at jumping. She smiles and hugs just about everyone. She begs for naps when it's time for a swim lesson. She likes being called purple potty power big kid. It's a mouth full.
Here's a couple of Halloween paintings I made.
I took it upon myself to move this beast downstairs. It kept getting stuck and was such a hassle, but I did it!!! I seriously think I can do anything I set my mind to. I brought it downstairs because I was giving it away to a lady in my ward. After I got it downstairs she told me she changed her mind. :(
Here's Lukey's cool dude face again.
Mercedes looks forward to picture day at school like Christmas morning. She gets excited at night time and picks out her clothes. She wakes up super early and comes bursting into my room so I can curl her hair. She's silly and beautiful.
This girl is also beautiful. She wanted two pony tails in her hair so that she could look like a beautiful pink and purple super butterfly with antenna's.
This kid gets goofy for every picture. He's so big and mature (some of the time). The other day, Lukey Bear explained to him what a woman's period is. He calls it privacy because every time I have to go to the bathroom when that time of month comes around, I tell him I need privacy. It was hilarious. He said to Joshua, "Every month a girl has a privacy. It's when she has owies and needs special bandaides. It lasts for 7 days and it is not fun." He counts down my "privacy" days because he doesn't like it. "Mom, you only have three more days of privacy!" How does he know, you may ask? All because I was at Walmart once when I was trying to get him to hurry because I was having an emergency concerning that and he saw me run into the bathroom when we got home. I had to explain so he wouldn't worry. Too much information??? Sorry!
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