I've posted a lot today, but while I had time, I wanted to blog about one more item. A few nights ago, I had a dream. In my dream, I can remember running around being a super spy of sorts. It was full of excitement, a little bit of fear, but mostly I was courageously acting the part of a secret spy. It was weird.
At the end of the dream, I was at an airport, still acting like a spy. Suddenly, I turned around and I saw my grandma standing behind me. She didn't say much. She just looked at me like she had some exciting news. She looked the same in my dream as she does today. A small, 90something little lady with glasses. I was confused about why she was suddenly there, I mean, I was a spy on a mission. But, I was pleased to see her. Then, she stepped aside a little and revealed a man sitting on the couch behind her. I recognized him immediately as my grandpa who had died a handful of years earlier. He was still a grandpa, but he was healthy and strong and looked so vibrant and full of life. I gasped. How could it be? He had died and yet, here he was looking so much alive and well. I looked back at my grandma who was smiling and had tears in her eyes. As though she had read my thoughts, she said, "yes, Ralae, he is here. He is really here. This is real." I cried, and sensing that our time was very short, I hugged him and quickly got the words out that I loved him and missed him before it was too late. Literally, right at the moment that I said the words, my alarm went off and I woke up.
I was thankful for the dream. I was a little confused, I mean, why had they suddenly appeared in my dream that was so far off from being about grandparents. It stayed with me all day, and the next day, and the day after that. I cried when I told it to others. I believe it was just a dream. I don't think that my grandpa was really there with me, I could be wrong, but I feel like the dream was meant to serve another purpose. Because I was thinking about it so much, I had a moment while exercising in which my loved ones who had passed on, particularly both of my grandpas, felt close. Maybe they were there in the garage with me? I don't know, but it did feel like maybe they were. I was listening to a song, not a religious one, and I had a thought and a feeling that our loved ones are very close. My grandpa's felt very close. I looked around me and said aloud, "are you here? Hi." So, as the song played, I couldn't help but feel like the words to an ordinary love song can be applicable to our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness and that everything is going to be alright. The song is called, "No One".
I just want you close, where you can stay forever. You can be sure, that it will only get better.
You and me together, through the days and nights, I won't worry 'cause everything's gonna be alright.
People keep talking, they can say what they like, but all I know is everything's gonna be alright.
No one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I'm feeling. No one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I feel for you.
When the rain is falling down and my heart is hurting, you will always be around, this I know for certain.
You and me together, through the days and nights, I don't worry 'cause I know everything's gonna be alright. People can say what they like, but all I know is everything's gonna be alright.
See? It applies right? Our loved ones are close, they help us. They are cheering for us. They want us to succeed. I felt it more strongly as I exercised on the elliptical machine. I told Heavenly Father that I want to be taught, and He is teaching me. My thoughts soon turned to Gavin. He's around us too. I thought of Michelle, and how difficult it would be to lose a child. I thought of Leyla and how difficult it would be to lose a Husband. I thought of my grandma's and my parents and in laws and thought of their loss. I thought about trials and how hard they are, and yet how beautiful they are. I have cherished the moments in which my heart has cried and then I have felt His arms around me. I have cherished the times in which the words to the hymn, "More Holiness Give Me" have rung true to my own soul, especially the line about "more freedom from earth-stains, more longing for home". That line doesn't mean I want to die, it means I want to feel my Heavenly Home more abundantly in my life and a longing for keeping myself pure so that I can return there. I thought more on trials. I thought about how we covenant to give all we have to the Lord. Sometimes, that means giving those we love. That means when our loved ones die, and although we miss them, we trust Heavenly Father, we find His hand and we take it--instead of crumbling under the weight of the trial. I hope I never have to lose a child or a husband, or anyone else in the near future. But, I told my Father in Heaven that I will always, always choose Him. Always.
I'm thankful for the dream, for the chain of reminders it began in my mind.
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