Luke Edwin McAvoy

The other night I was looking at an old family photo. Hannah was in my belly and Caleb was still in heaven. Luke was so much younger looking and so was Mercedes and Joshua. I was struck the most by Luke. He looked so little. I remembered all of the cute things he used to do and realized how much older he is. Sometimes this emotion is painful for a parent. The passage of time, the knowledge that my babies will grow and leave the nest, the letting go... I remind myself that it only hurts because I love them so much. It is just so bittersweet. 

I think that I worry about Luke getting my attention the most. Sometimes the older children and the younger children are more demanding with my time. Physical touch is so important to him, and I worry sometimes that he isn't getting enough cuddles now that Caleb is here. I reflected on it perhaps a little too much last night. 

I went up to his room and watched him sleep. He looked so big in his bed (that he shares with Joshua because he is afraid to sleep in his own bed). I cuddled up next to him and laid one of his dangling arms over me. I'm sure that if Jon Mark had walked in he would have thought that I had lost my mind. I kissed him and then tip-toed to my own room. I said a prayer that Heavenly Father would help me remember to give Luke some extra attention the next day. I concluded the prayer and remembered that I had a permanent marker in a basket by the bed. I hurried and scribbled Luke's name on my palm just to make sure that I didn't forget. Feeling much better, I fell asleep. At some point in the night, while I was sleeping, a scripture popped into my mind. 1 Nephi 21: 14-16:

14 But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.

 15 For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.

 16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

I don't know why this scripture came into my dreams, but it did. I saw the Lord's palms with the prints of the nails marking them. I thought of Luke's name that I had written on my own hand. I made a connection between the love I have for my son and the greater love that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for each of us. "God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be". The family is the framework for how we learn to love as He loves, to serve as He serves, to give as He gives. Being a parent is self-sacrificing over and over again. It is purifying as it is trying. I am so glad that I have been trusted with 5 children. I think of the love that I have for them and I know that it is only a fraction of the love that He has for them. My heart feels as though it may burst. I'm grateful that my Savior loved me enough to mark my name on His hands. I know He doesn't forget us. And I am thankful that I was taught that truth again, even though I was sleeping when it happened. :)