Last of 2020 pictures

 

Pause, Take a Deep Breath, Do the Next Right Thing Part 2

 I didn't realize that I hadn't recorded my other experience. This one is a bit more personal to a child of mine, so I'll keep it more general than give the play by play of our conversation.

Joshua had done something stupid and tried to cover it up. I knew that he was guilty, and I knew he was lying to my face about it. I wasn't as upset about the actual thing he was getting in trouble for, I was more concerned about him lying to me about it. I didn't say anything though, I waited for him to decide to come and tell me the truth. Also, I didn't know what I was going to say or how I was going to handle the situation and so I wanted time to discuss the matter with Jon Mark. So, I sat silent in the office, just kind of waiting. It didn't take more than ten minutes before my sweet boy came running into the office and gave me the biggest bear hug that he's ever given me. You know what it was like? It was like a child running to the safety of his parent, and clinging to that parent as if your life depended on it. He was crying and upset. All of these things are very out of character for this son of mine. I think 7th grade feels heavy sometimes. He admitted to me that he had lied and tried to cover up the truth because he was afraid that he'd get in trouble. I don't think I handled the first part of this conversation all that well. Looking back on it, with 20/20 vision, I see myself as too emotional and perhaps I over-reacted when I cried along with him. I should probably be a little more composed in the future. However, once we hugged for a long while, we had a really good, spiritual conversation and it was one of those moments that I knew he had felt the stirrings of the gospel on a very personal level and made some very personal connections with the Savior.

I told Joshua that no one grows up to be wise without learning from some mistakes along the way. Our wisdom and growth occur when we learn from those mistakes. So, although we try our best to be obedient and keep all of the commandments, we will falter and fall as we make our way down the path. The important thing to do is to get back up, learn from it, and keep trying. I told him that mistakes were all apart of the Plan. Heavenly Father gave us agency, knowing that we would make mistakes. Knowing this, Heavenly Father provided a Savior for us, and isn't it wonderful that Christ became our Savior? Isn't it wonderful that Jesus came and atoned for our sins and gave us the gift of repentance? Repentance is truly a gift, and we need to use it. It's not all for nothing. It's glorious! As we talked, I could see the sorrow he felt for making his mistake, I could also see the gratitude that he had for Christ as he made a very personal connection of the atonement and how it relates to his own life. Christ wants to help lift us out of the pits we dig for ourselves so that we might have joy. Satan wants to keep us in that pit and feel miserable. Surely our Savior's yoke is easy and His burden is light, for He helps us carry it. I was thankful for this teaching opportunity with my son. I was thankful that our talk helped him understand the Savior's role a little more deeply and that it was over a smaller mistake rather than a big one.

I read in D&C 64:33-34:

Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and the obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.  

I love that scripture! By small means of teaching moments, scripture study, prayer, FHE etc. we are helping out children build their own strong foundations. 

Pause, Take a Deep Breath, Let's Try to Do the Next Right Thing

The past few weeks have been hard for me as a mom. I am transitioning away from being a mom to young kids and babies, to a middle-aged mom with teens, pre-teens, older kids and a five year old (who very much thinks he is an older kid). It's been rough trying to successfully go through this transition in the midst of crisis schooling, a pandemic, civil unrest, a toilet paper shortage, and natural disasters. My blessings remain great, even in the year 2020. I have so many blessings, privilege, and my life is truly a life that is better than one I could have dreamed up for myself. As a result, as I type this, I feel guilty for even suggesting that it has been in any way hard. 

My blessed life should make it nearly impossible for me to have a bad day, let alone a period of struggle. My kids are healthy, happy, and wonderful. My marriage is the best that it could be. My extended family offers a village of support and love. My home has a dance loft and a large back yard for play. My husband provides for us so that I can stay home and guide my children in a refreshed and happy state of mind. The gospel shines brightly in my life and is full of resources to assist me. My ward is full of friends. The list goes on. I am full of gratitude. So, when I say that this transition has been a little bit difficult, keep in mind that perhaps I am as that child who scrapes her knee and screams as though her leg had been amputated--just because she has yet to experience deep and abiding pain. 

Having said all of that, we can get on to the why I titled this post the way I did.

My afternoons are busy. I am making dinner, helping with homework, helping the kids get ready for dance, cheer, or football. I'm driving them all over town. It is really busy. Homework, and cranky children make it difficult to keep my stress levels down. I'm naturally a very patient person, and I am the definition of a "fluffy" parent, so losing my temper is just not really in my nature and has not ever really been my struggle. What I struggle with is not feeling exasperated. I don't want to be the parent that is always sighing and brushing the kids struggles aside because it is too hard, or too tiring to think through. I want to be wise enough to pause and teach them in those moments. Usually, those moments happen when my children are arguing with each other, or are especially tired and are acting out because they are tired. Sometimes I feel entirely inadequate to raise these special spirits in today's tumultuous world. Satan has been using my feelings of inadequacies to poke at me. 

I've weighed myself down with thoughts of, "my kids are only going to remember a tired mom", or, "why don't I think to teach them in those hard moments? It's because I am a bad mom." I know that these thoughts aren't true, I know that I am doing my best to be a really good mom. I know that I have good moments and some less-than-perfect moments, but doesn't everyone? The point should be that I am putting forth my best effort and I can trust that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will make up the difference. I know this, and yet, it's still hard to remember that I know this. I've been praying that the Lord will help me take a moment to pause and think my way through the situation so that I will be able to successfully teach my children the way that the Savior would. I've had a few really good teaching moments as a result. I'll share one.

A couple of days ago, Mercedes really got into a heated argument with Evelyn. I heard loud yelling and screaming and tears. I came outside to see what the fuss was about. I decided a few weeks ago that I needed a catch phrase that I could automatically say when faced with difficult parenting moments. The idea behind using the phrase was that it would buy me some time to think through the situation at hand, and try to problem solve the way that the Savior would. I needed something that would help me cue into my goal of not just shrugging the problem away. When I saw how upset Mercedes and Evelyn were, I said my phrase, "let's pause, take a deep breath, let's do the next right thing." So, we all paused and took a deep breath. Then, I asked, "okay, now what is the next right thing? First shouldn't we try to figure out calmly what the problem is?" I then had both girls tell me their side of the story. 

Apparently, Mercedes had planned an art project that she thought was really neat. It involved painting with water colors on envelopes. She wanted to teach them how to do an ombre style paint job, using only 4 colors that were in the same color family. Evelyn wanted to do her own thing. I turned to Mercedes and basically said that I could see that she was feeling some strong emotions and that she was upset because she had planned something really fun, but Evelyn didn't want to follow her directions and so perhaps she had hurt Mercedes feelings. We talked about how when we force someone to do our will it kind of loses value, it's not really allowing the other person to show us love with their own volition. I related it back to the gospel and how Heavenly Father gave us agency because not only was it the only way for us to grow and progress, but also because agency allows us to use our will to show Heavenly Father that we love Him by choosing to keep His commandments and serve Him. I told Mercedes that by forcing Evelyn to do what she wants her to do, Evelyn isn't happy and therefore Mercedes isn't happy. The desired outcome of doing the project together is then frustrated. Mercedes seemed to understand, so then I turned to Evelyn.

I told Evelyn that I could see that she also felt very strongly about wanting to do the art project her own way. I asked her if she could think of a compromise. She eventually admitted that she could do the art project following Mercedes instructions to show Mercedes that she loved her, and then maybe she could make another envelope her own way. I asked both of them if they trusted Jesus. They said that they did. I asked them, "if Jesus said something multiple times in the scriptures, do you think it meant that it was something important and we should listen?" They said that they would listen. I told them, "Jesus said that blessed are the peacemakers. Why would He say that? What even is a peacemaker?" Mercedes told me that a peacemaker was someone who didn't want to fight and didn't want to make someone sad. I said, "Well, why do you think Jesus would tell us blessed are the peacemakers?" Evelyn finally came around to answering that Jesus must know that being a peacemaker would help us return to Heaven to be with Him again. The two girls decided on a compromise, felt the spirit, and left that situation feeling how the gospel relates to their own lives. 

I was so thankful that the Spirit helped me teach them. I may still be the kid with a scraped knee crying out because I stumbled, but our Savior is that loving parent--who, does in fact know and understand the deeper pain that will eventually come-- who picks up the child, brushes her off and helps her stand on her own two feet again, and again, and again...

Jessica's Birthday Bash

Jessica had her 36 year birthday and rented out a huge water slide. Kevin and Courtney's family was in town, and we had a good time. She really knows how to throw a party that the kids will love. This is her second year of celebrating this way, and I think it will be a tradition.

I took some of the kids out for ice cream while the boys were at football. Mercedes and I missed our tradition of watching Women's Conference and going out to eat, so this was what we came up with to make-up.

Right after this picture was taken, Cub knocked the scarecrows head off...

Luke went hiking with me. He is a hiking machine!!! He seriously wore me out. We sprinted the whole way down and at one point, he told me that I was slowing him down. Then, he took advantage of my tired legs and challenged me to a sprint race afterwards. I promised, him two years ago, that the day he out-sprinted me, I'd pay him $10. Well, he got his $10...

After the hike, on the ride home, Luke asked me if I liked being a girl. I told him that I did. He asked me what was the hardest part about being a girl? Keeping it light, I said, "well, I can't pee standing up." He agreed that that would be awful. I asked him what the best part of being a boy was. He said, "well, I don't get syrup in my hair."

This is what church in the year 2020 looks like. 

This is what goofy golfing in the year 2020 looks like.

This is what a teenager in the year 2020 looks like.

Joshua: Joshua is very in-tune with my emotions. When I start feeling stressed, he tells the kids to quiet down and give mom a break. Usually they ignore him and get even louder with their chorus's of "mom!". The other day, Luke sliced his finger pretty good. I'm not great with blood, so Joshua ran and got his first aide kit and took care of it. I wish he had been home when Caleb's lip busted open and blood was everywhere. I called my parents to come over, but by the time they had gotten to my house, I had put Cub in the bath and cleaned him all up. I was proud of myself. Joshua has been struggling with the rigor of jr. high. It's a different beast than elementary school and we've been adjusting to help him be more responsible. He's had a good attitude and has had many late nights doing homework. The other night, it all felt like too much. I could sense that he was overwhelmed, stressed, worried, and things seemed heavy. He was up doing homework until 10 pm. He didn't openly start sharing all of his thoughts, but I could tell. So, instead of making him go to bed right away, I made him come sit by me on the couch and watch Dr. Strange with me for a little while. He's a sweet boy.

Mercedes: She's had a hard year with her teacher this year. She's had a fair share of crying after school each day. She's had her "cycles" of emotion, and I am sure the real "cycle" is just around the corner. She can shift from being a bit beastly to being incredibly loving and sweet, so quickly that it's the definition of mood swings. The tears have become pretty intense too. Sometimes she doesn't even know why she is crying. She's a tender hearted girl. She is quick to say sorry and quick to forgive. I have always said that she is both Sunshine and Hurricane, sometimes at the same time. Every night, she says over and over, "I LOVE you guys SO much". The other day I took her to Ross at her begging. I told her over and over again that I wasn't planning on buying her anything. When we got to the parking lot, she said, "Jessica says that I am the best negotiator. I know you said you weren't buying me anything, but you never know." She said it with a hopeful ring in her voice. She also is very afraid of diving. So much so that Papa Mac had to promise to take her to Whataburger if she got up the gumption to dive. Well, he ended up taking her and every other grandkid because every other grandkid also wanted to earn Whataburger by doing something hard to them. Luke did a backflip, Hannah practiced her backwalkover over and over again, and Caleb had to go to school for three weeks with a good attitude. Recently, my dad spelled out to my mom whether or not they should take the kids to  I C E C R E A M. Mercedes got excited and said, "yes! Yes! Please, Yes?!" My dad asked her if she knew what I C E  

C R E A M was. She said, "no, but it sounds delicious!"

Luke: Luke has a big heart. He sobbed so hard recently because Bear got in trouble and couldn't come to the sleepover. He was so sad. I told him he could continue to be a good example to Bear and he said, "Oh, don't worry mom, I have already told him everything he needs to know to keep the commandments." He loves Bear so much. Hannah was quite worried about Luke. She has him wrapped around her finger and can take advantage of him. He adores her and lets her get away with too much. So, I was glad to see how sad she was to see him so sad. Luke was telling my mom about his crush named, Alley. He told my mom that he buys her things so that she will feel special and he pays attention to what she likes. Turns out that she likes Airhead candies.

Hannah: Hannah is a tease. Sometimes she teases too much, but she laughs and laughs and keeps teasing. We are trying to help her see that it is only fun if everyone is having fun. Hannah loves is when I tuck her in and sing her birth song. She makes me kiss her when the song says, "say nighty night and kiss me". She dances along to the song as she lies in her bed. Of course she doesn't stay there. None of the kids stay in bed after I have tucked them in. There are about 20 "night nights" and "I love you's", but I am old enough now to realize that time is fleeting and these tuck-ins with my younger kids are getting fewer and fewer. I am definitely in that transition period of motherhood, shifting away from being a mom of little kids into a middle-aged mom of older kids. It's both fun, stressful, happy, and sad. My afternoons are packed and it's hard sometimes.

Caleb: Caleb has turned into a monster this year. Harsh? It's true. The cute, feisty, smart little boy that we all know and love is still there, but so is this stubborn, broad-chested, foot-stamping, silent-treatment-giving, monster child. He hates school and lets me know it every single day. Every single day he has a "tummy ache" that somehow prevents him from going to school happily. He tells me it's because he has to stay silent and not talk at school, and that his teacher doesn't love him as much as his mommy loves him. He says he just loves being home so much and doesn't understand why I would want to send him to school. Well, the other day he had one bout of diarreah and the new Covid rule is that you must stay home for 72 hours after symptoms disappear. He had no fever, no other symptoms, but he wasn't allowed to be at school for three days. Caleb was SO happy. It was better than Disneyland. He told me that he was so excited to be home with no one but his mommy. I helped him pray for his tummy to feel better, and instead of repeating after me, he opened his eyes and said, "no! I pray that my tummy never feels better and hurts forever so that I can stay home with just my mommy!!" It was really cute and sweet, and I think he did love staying home with me. We went on a bike ride again together. We haven't done that in a long time. I took him to the store and bought him a dollar toy. His siblings were really jealous and mad. So the next day he asked me to take him to the store again, but this time he didn't want me to buy him anything, instead he wanted me to buy his "brudders" and sisters something. See? The sweet boy is still there, too.