Picture Dump Summer-September 2021

Jm and I worked tirelessly on organizing the garage. Our hard work deserves a post. We aren't done, but we are definitely on our way!

It's freaky how flexible Hannah's back is. Truthfully it makes me nervous for her, that she'll one day have back issues...

I'm the creepy sub who takes selfies with my friend's kids... this is a primary kid of mine :)

Jm is probably the only one who will appreciate these pictures, but I found this beautiful velvet dress at Goodwill and had to get it. I got it for a costume, but this years halloween party at the church is a dance party (I'm in charge so of course there's dancing). This dress does not move well enough for dancing, so it'll have to be worn for something different. 

I'll probably end up wearing Jm's basketball jersey instead. His work is signed up for a basketball league.

Mer looked so cute for a 50's party. What a sweet young woman she is turning out to be. 

My friend, Lori, also takes creepy selfies with kids lol

Papa wore his Santa shirt in September because that is when we finally got around to taking him and Mom out to dinner, which was our Christmas present to them.

My baby is so big.

These are some friend's of mine that I go paddle boarding with. We have the best time.

Mercedes is at the age when she is obsessed with little kids. She babysat Lance and Linden so that Taylor could go to the lake with me.

Joshua may be 14, but I caught him trying on Army gear and looking in the mirror. LOL

My parents pool was worth the wait. We have fun swim parties.

Zoom in on Tyler's face.

I was proud of myself for creating and problem solving this shelf for back packs. I've been redoing the office trying to organize it and make it more functional. One of these days it'll be finished and I will take an after shot. For this shelf, I created French cleats to hold it securely to the wall.

More lake pictures

We took the kids (minus Joshua, he was doing something else), out to eat at Texas Roadhouse. They had a good time eating at their favorite restaurant. We don't get to do it as often anymore because it is so expensive.

The kids had such a fun time putting dish soap on the trampoline.

Another creepy selfie with Monica's daughter, Sophia.

Driving Joshua to his first official church dance.

For Jessica's birthday, we went up to visit Lindsay and to go to a spa. It was GLORIOUS and so relaxing and fun. We had so many laughs in the hot tub when there were some accidental indiscretions. We ate amazing food and bonded late at night. We had a great time celebrating Jessica. I want to do it again with all the girls in the family.

These are two pictures of the kids and Jm back at home while I was away.

This was Joshua's 14th celebration.

I updated the decor in my bathroom.

 

My Talk on Temples

 

Talk on: Temple and Family History

One time when I was out hiking with my kids, my oldest son came up to me from behind and said, “Mom, when you’re wearing that baseball cap and that sweatshirt, I swear you look just like a teenager from behind. But, I’m sorry, from the front you don’t.” He saw my expression and added, “I’m not saying you look old or anything, I’m just saying, well, that you’re face has more experience on it.”

He’s not wrong and I have gained some experience, so I hope some of my experience will be helpful as I share some of it today.

As a child, my grandparents lived next door to the temple. I enjoyed many Christmases looking at the Christmas lights. We’d spend Sunday afternoons walking around the temple grounds.

As a young woman, I had the opportunity to go to the temple to do baptisms, and I enjoyed the peace that I found in the temple.

As a young adult, I still enjoyed baptisms, and I pondered often about what it would be like to go through the temple to receive my own endowment.

As a young mother, I find amusement in the memory I have of my young son who while amid taking pictures with my newly married brother and sister in-law, dropped his drawers and “watered” the bushes. There is now a picture of his backside with his pants around his ankles, we were potty-training at the time, and I was so embarrassed. I was certain that my efforts to teach about the holiness of the temple were failing.

I recently shared a more spiritual experience last fast and testimony meeting. The experience was one in which I had a literal, and very immediate answer to prayer. I’d like to start off my talk with one more experience that is similar in nature.

I have always been a stalwart member of the church. In my newly married years, I struggled to understand why my testimony of the temple was so tender, when so many other aspects of my testimony of the restored gospel were quite firm and mature. I was afraid to talk about my insecurities because it appeared that everyone else already had it figured out. Luckily, my insecurities did not stop me from going to the temple, and over time my testimony of the temple has ripened and grown. Going often has made it more familiar. But let’s pause for a moment and reflect on that time period when I was younger and less experienced.

I think in my younger years, my opportunity to go the temple was not presented as often as I would have liked (due to having young children at home, living in Ohio without a close temple nearby etc.). This lack of opportunity caused some of my insecurities. I never truly felt comfortable going to the temple alone. I was afraid I’d make a mistake or not know where to go. I was especially nervous about messing up some lines that I believed a stalwart member of the church should have memorized by the age I was. As a result, I always found myself seeking the comfort of company to go to the temple with. Usually, I sought to go with my husband, when he wasn’t available, I sought to go with my mom or sister. It was outside my comfort zone to go by myself.

No one but my husband knew about my reservations. So, my mom could not have possibly known how scared I was when she cancelled our temple date last second. I had a choice to make, I either go alone or be a chicken and give into my anxiety. I chose to go alone. I prayed throughout the whole ceremony and felt better, but then the time for those memorized lines was fast approaching and my heart began to race. It was a large session, so about 15 little, white-haired ladies filed into the room and took their place at the veil. As they filed in, I picked out one lady out of the large crowd and I told Heavenly Father, “she looks nice, make sure I’m with her.” And that’s all I said. You can imagine the flood of love that I felt when out of all fifteen or so of those ladies, I was paired with the one that I had pretty much told Heavenly Father He needed to give me. I knew at that moment that it wasn’t just a coincidence. Heavenly Father heard my prayer and the Holy Ghost helped me to know that He answered it. Although others may not understand why it was a big deal to go to the temple alone that day, He did. And, He took my offering and He made it sufficient and whole.

If you find yourself with similar apprehensions or thoughts, you’re not alone. Go often to the temple, in time it will become familiar, and in time your love for the temple with grow.

President Nelson cautioned: “We can be inspired all day long about temple and family history experiences that others have had. But we must do something to actually experience the joy (for) ourselves.” He then invites us to prayerfully consider what kind of sacrifice we can make, preferably a sacrifice of time –to do more temple and family history work.

There are many blessings to be had in the temple. In 2018, Elder Renlund said: As we participate in family history and temple work today, we also lay claim to “healing” blessings promised by prophets and apostles.⁶ These blessings are also breathtakingly amazing because of their scope, specificity, and consequence in mortality. This long list includes these blessings:

·         Increased understanding of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice;

·         Increased influence of the Holy Ghost⁷ to feel strength and direction for our own lives;

·         Increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior becomes deep and abiding;

·         Increased ability and motivation to learn and repent⁸ because of an understanding of who we are, where we come from, and a clearer vision of where we are going;

·         Increased refining, sanctifying, and moderating influences in our hearts;

·         Increased joy through an increased ability to feel the love of the Lord;

·         Increased family blessings, no matter our current, past, or future family situation or how imperfect our family tree may be;

·         Increased love and appreciation for ancestors and living relatives, so we no longer feel alone;

·         Increased power to discern that which needs healing and thus, with the Lord’s help, serve others;

·         Increased protection from temptations and the intensifying influence of the adversary; and

·         Increased assistance to mend troubled, broken, or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole.⁹

 

Temple work binds and seals on earth as in Heaven. We are connected through saving ordinances. President Eyring said, “It is in the temple that we can receive the assurance of loving family connections that will continue after death and last for eternity.

I’ve been pondering about the scripture, “Stand ye in holy places and be not moved”. The temple is a holy place, church is a holy place, our homes can be holy places, when we strive to live righteously and place our Savior at the forefront of our thoughts and actions, we can enjoy temple-like peace in the walls of our own homes. But, taking it a step further, our very lives, our bodies which house our spirit can be, and should be a holy place. So, no matter where we are, or where we find ourselves, we can stand in holy places and have access to that heavenly power, especially when we are endowed with power in the holy temple.

 

Hasn’t Heavenly Father promised us that He will go before our face? That He would be on our right hand and on our left? Hasn’t He promised us that His spirit will be in our hearts and that His angels will be round about us to bear us up? D&C 84:88

 

If we stand in holy places, those loving ancestors, many of whom we associated with in this life and enjoyed close relationships with, will come to us in our times of need. They are the angels that will be round about us, and they are cheering us on.

 

This next experience I share with tenderness and with permission. There is a family in our ward who is close to my thoughts and close to my heart. We know and love the Palmer’s. I am Julie’s friend; I am also her ministering sister and Jon Mark is one of their ministering brothers. We have been able to witness faith and perseverance this family displays when faced with hardship.

 

One day, not too long ago, Julie asked if I would house-sit for her. She and Nathan had to run off to an appointment and the man they had hired to tune their piano was not done yet. She asked if I would sit until he was done and then lock up the house before I left. I came over and went up the stairs so that I wouldn’t be in his way and to avoid the awkwardness of me being there while he worked. I sat down on the couch and pulled out my phone to pass the time. But I didn’t end up getting on my phone. Instead, I had this overwhelming feeling rush over me, and I began to feel the way I feel when I sit and ponder in the Celestial Room of the temple. The spirit was strong, and I didn’t want to ruin it by jumping onto social media. As I sat and listened to the piano tuner and enjoyed the spirit I was feeling, I had the distinct thought of, “wow, surely angels are attending here.” After all was done and I had locked up the house, I sent Julie a text message and told her that I had felt as though I was in the presence of angels.

 

She responded back with these words, “thank you for this sweet message. This past week was so hard for me. I don’t think that I have ever been so lost and alone. Last night Nathan gave me another blessing and in the blessing, he was prompted to ask for my grandparents by name to come and watch over me, to be with me, to stand at watch with me so I don’t have to feel alone. I have been at peace, and I know those angels you felt in my home are an answer to a blessing. The power of the priesthood is real. The entire blessing, I just kept thinking to myself… it only takes the grain of a mustard seed of faith to receive these blessings, and I think yesterday that’s about all I had left. Thank you for being my earthly angel to comfort me as you testify of those heavenly angels sent to strengthen my home, my family, and me.”  

 

When I read her words, I felt a confirmation of the spirit that I needed to feel her home that day, there were several little things that happened to make it so that I needed to be there. Both Julie and I later talked about those little things that played together to make it so that I was there, and we both agree that it wasn’t a coincidence. I needed to be there so that I could be a second witness of this miracle. I was so thankful for this experience; this experience deepened my love for my Savior. This experience helped me see quite clearly that Heavenly Father always keeps His promises. And, once again, I realized that our angels who come to us, are those who loved us and love us still.

 

There is peace when we stand in holy places. We are blessed when we do so. In the world today, loud voices mock and ridicule. Loud voices would have us believe what is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right. It seems that wickedness abounds and there is no peace on earth.

 

And in despair I bowed my head, there is no peace on earth I said, for hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth good will to men. Then rang the bells more loud and deep, God is not dead, nor does He sleep. The wrong shall fail, the right prevail with peace on earth good will to men.

 

There is peace on earth. When we stand in holy places and be not moved, we will have peace in our homes, we will have peace in our hearts. And, there is indeed peace in our temples. God has not left us alone. He has given us temple ordinances and he has bestowed the power of the priesthood upon us.

 

Consider these prophetic words from Elder Bruce R. McKonkie from April of 1980:

As we ponder these things and count our blessings, we seem to hear a voice acclaim, “Put off thy shoes from off thy feet for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground” (Ex. 3:5).

We know that our work is in the living present and our glorious destiny lies ahead.

But what we can see causes us to rejoice and to tremble. We tremble because of the sorrows and wars and plagues that shall cover the earth. We weep for those in the true Church who are weak and wayward and worldly and who fall by the wayside as the caravan of the kingdom rolls forward.

We rejoice because of the glory and honor that awaits those who come forth out of all this tribulation with clean hands and pure hearts (see Ps. 24:4)..

We see temples in great numbers dotting the earth, so that those of every nation and kindred and tongue and people can receive the fulness of the ordinances of the house of the Lord.

The vision of the future is not all sweetness and light and peace. All that is yet to be shall go forward in the midst of greater evils and perils and desolations than have been known on earth at any time.

As the Saints prepare to meet their God, so those who are carnal and sensual and devilish prepare to face their doom.

As the meek among men make their calling and election sure, so those who worship the God of this world sink ever lower and lower into the depths of depravity and despair.

We see evil forces everywhere uniting to destroy the family, to ridicule morality and decency, to glorify all that is lewd and base. We see wars and plagues and pestilence. Nations rise and fall. Blood and carnage and death are everywhere. Gadianton robbers fill the judgment seats in many nations. An evil power seeks to overthrow the freedom of all nations and countries. Satan reigns in the hearts of men; it is the great day of his power.

But amid it all, the work of the Lord rolls on. The gospel is preached and the witness is born. The kingdom grows and prospers, for the Lord is with his people.

Amid it all, there are revelations and visions and prophecies. There are gifts and signs and miracles. There is a rich outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God.

Truly the world is and will be in commotion, but the Zion of God will be unmoved (…) the little stone will continue to grow until it fills the whole earth.

I add my testimony to his. There is peace to be had when we stand in holy places and be not moved. Come to the temple and claim your blessings, and help others who have gone before claim theirs. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

A View From Mid-Way Up 6

 For this installment, I don't have a particular theme, just some thoughts...

#56 Teach you kids to look to the temple. We play a game, every time we pass by a temple, you try to be the first person to say, "I see the temple!" After someone spots the temple, we always sing, "I love to see the temple". I don't even remember how this tradition got started, but it's been going strong for at least 7 years or so. Teach them to be excited when they see the temple. Teach them to look to the temple for peace and guidance. 

#57 It's ok to share with others that the temple gets more comfortable over time as your faith and testimony continue to grow. For many years, my testimony of the temple was about as deep as just going through the motions. I didn't really grasp the meaning, significance, or importance of the temple. The ceremonies in the temple were unfamiliar and strange to me. For many years, I kept those thoughts and struggles to myself. Being a stalwart, faithful member of the Church, I am certain that others who knew me (even family members who knew me well) would have thought that my testimony of the temple was rock solid. My testimony of the gospel was/is, and I had faith that regular temple attendance was an important factor in increasing my testimony of the temple. I had faith that over time, what felt unfamiliar would become familiar and all that I didn't understand would be understood in time. It was difficult, though, because I was afraid to ask too much about what others felt. And, to me, it seemed as though everyone else in my life had no problem whatsoever with their testimonies of the temple. 

    I continued to go. I continued to pray for understanding. This has been a long process. Nothing changed for me overnight. But, as I continued to go to the temple, I began to see the Lord's love for me even more deeply and personally. I'll share two experiences. 

    The first experience happened about 10 years ago. I have always felt more confident in my temple attendance when I go with someone else. Usually that someone else is Jon Mark, he's my crutch for things that are uncomfortable. He's my security blanket. I know that no matter what happens to me in my life, he will always be my constant. Family members are also close to that level of security, they are my inner circle, but they lack the same level of intimacy that comes from a marriage, so none of my family members were aware of my reservations. One day Jon Mark couldn't go with me, so I asked my mom to go. We made plans to go together and those plans fell through the last second. I don't remember why she couldn't go with me that day, but for whatever reason I found myself with the choice of stalling or going on my own. I made the choice to go and I prayed that Heavenly Father would make it okay. My mom had no idea how timid I was about going alone, and I felt close to tears the entire day. Well, I am in the temple going through the endowment ceremony alone, and we get to the part that I always feel anxious about, I don't have it memorized and I feel like with the number of times I have been to the temple, I should have it memorized by now and I feel awkward and anxious. I see the temple workers walk in, there were probably around 10-15 female workers that walked in (it was a large session). I saw one little old lady that looked familiar (maybe a Lamoreaux?). I remember thinking that she looked like she'd be understanding a nice, so I said to Heavenly Father in a prayer that I wanted her to help me through the veil. It wasn't a question, it was more of a demand. I remember my exact words in my prayer were, "Heavenly Father, she looks nice, I want her." I watched as everyone before me went through and finished the session, I thought my chances of getting that lady were slim, but then I did! I nearly began crying. The Lord knew how anxious I was. He knew how tender my testimony was. He knew that it took courage for me to go alone that day. He heard my prayer and He made it a comfortable experience. As I went through the veil, I felt a strong sense of Heavenly Father's love for me, and I knew that it was a gift from Him and not merely a coincidence as small as that gesture was. I knew that He made that happen. I felt it. Going to the temple has gotten much easier, and while I still may have questions, it's so much more familiar and I have come to know of the love that is manifested in the temple for all of God's children. 

    The second experience happened just last week. Covid shut down all of the temples for a year and a half. It was a long time to have not been able to go. When the temples opened again, they were by appointment only. I checked a few times to make an appointment, but all slots were filled. Then, one day I got on and there was a slot open for the very next day. But, I'd have to go alone. I couldn't go with Jon Mark because it was just one slot. I left the internet page and thought that I'd just wait, but I looked ahead and everything was booked through Christmas. I didn't want to wait that long to go, but I didn't want to go alone either. It had been a year and a half and I was anxious about going alone. I tried to rationalize it away, but I couldn't, so I grabbed the appointment while I still could and resolved that I'd go and the Lord would make it ok. 

    The whole next morning I was still nervous. I got a name and started to walk up the stairs to the chapel to begin the session. As I was walking up the stairs, I said a prayer. It went something like this, "Heavenly Father, I am taking a first step here and the first step is always pleasing to the Father. Please make this a comfortable experience. I am nervous about being alone." By the time I finished the prayer, I turned the corner and walked into the chapel. Immediately in the chapel, I saw two friends from church smiling at me and waving for me to come and sit by them. I knew it was an answer to prayer. I felt as though Heavenly Father was saying to me, "oh silly girl, it's ok. Trust me, I've got your back." A few minutes later, I turn around and I see Bishop and Mary walk in, then the Budzinski's and then the Taylor's. They were all there, they were all smiling at me. I wasn't alone. The Lord had my back, and then he was all like, "watch this" and then He had it even more. I felt a rush of His love, and I knew again that it wasn't a coincidence that there must have been a cancellation for that day at that time for a reason, even if that reason was just for this little miracle to happen. It was orchestrated in Heaven somehow before I even booked the appointment. It turns out that a member of our ward happened to be going through the temple for the first time that morning, and that is why so many of my friends were able to be there. I had no idea. They all thought I was there for the same reason, but really I just needed to go to the temple, I went on faith, and the Lord took that faith and magnified it until it was sufficient. 

#58 Make your home a place where all are welcome.

    My house is full most days. Full of kids, of family and friends. My nieces come over most days and when they come, they stay for most of the day. Sometimes I take them with me to run errands or to go places. They're mine (kind of ;) and I love them. Sometimes it's a lot to handle--to handle patiently so many kids. On the weekends my house is full of family. Sometimes that's a lot to handle too. My pantry is constantly being opened and food is constantly being consumed. Messes are made. It's loud and noisy. Sometimes I don't handle it well, most of the time I do. I want my home to be a safe place for all my loved ones. I want them to feel loved when they are here. I want them to feel the peace of the gospel when they are here. I want them to feel my testimony and that my motivation for opening my home and my pantry is my desire to help others feel the love of Jesus Christ. Somedays are better than others, but that is my goal. 

    On Monday's my nieces come over at some point in the day, they stay for dinner, and after dinner we do Family Home Evening. We've been doing it this way for years, it started when Jaz and Lilly were really little and we've just continued it. The other day, I had the girls over to spend the night. At one point, Jaz came up to me and said that she had had a special experience that she was excited to tell me. She was going to wait until Monday for Family Home Evening, but she couldn't wait and wanted to tell me then. She got choked up as though she was going to cry and she told me that the other day she had had a scary dream. She was so scared that she said a prayer. After the prayer she felt Heavenly Father's hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She said that every time she thought about being scared, she felt the hand on her shoulder and eventually she was comforted enough to fall asleep. She told me that she remembered to say a prayer of thanks to Heavenly Father. I felt so touched that she wanted to share the experience with me. 

    Later that evening, I tucked all of those girls into bed and I told them stories from my childhood. The stories were stories of testimony building experiences I have had in my lifetime and stories in which I felt the love of God, miracles, answers to prayers, tender mercies, etc. The spirit was so strong. Evelyn started crying and shared how she one time saw Gavin and another angel in a dream and how she is thankful that she has a guardian angel in her brother. Jaz shared her experience. I showed a video we had made for Gavin with the song I had written for him. It was all very touching and it made me happy that I have spent years creating a safe place of love for all those I loved. It was a pay-day of sorts for my efforts. Make your home a welcoming place. Don't run faster than you have strength, but your efforts will be magnified. 

 

A View From Midway Up 5

Let's talk sexual intimacy!

I have thought long and hard about this next installment. It's an uncomfortable topic for many, and it causes many to squirm a little. The world we live in doesn't hesitate to debase our sexuality to fill an agenda of oversexualized, perversity. The world would fill our minds with inappropriate, explicit images and messages at every turn, and yet, the righteous seem to hesitate far too often to share this topic in a reverent and sacred way. I feel as a religious culture we ought to do more to talk about this subject matter in the manner in which it ought to be talked about--with rejoicing in the gift that Heavenly Father has given us. When the world shows us examples that are contrary to the commandments of God, we ought to show examples of loving relationships that thrive within the bounds that the Lord has set.

There are many great books on the topic of intimacy and they are filled with scripture references. The subject matter is vast and so for the sake of time, I'll just refer my readers to those books and meanwhile I will give an accounting of tips and tricks that I have found to be most helpful, and my target audience is for young married couples in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because that is my experience. Although, these tips are universal for all who desire to enjoy a healthy sexual relationship within the bounds of marriage.

#43 From early ages, I teach my kids about sexuality according to their age level and questioning depth. I answer their questions until they are satisfied and I try to keep it appropriate to their age. If a child asks something that I don't think they are quite old enough to understand, I will say something along the lines of, "I am so glad that you asked that question and I want to answer it when you turn eight years old. When you turn eight, I will tell you all about a wonderful gift that Heavenly Father gives husbands and wives. I am excited to tell you about it." I try to keep it very positive. Then, when they are eight years old, I tell them.

#44 The conversation when they are eight is a positive one. With the oldest, it was just me and him in the room. I asked him if he knew how babies were made and if he had ever heard what the word sex meant. Remember that my kids all know the word sex, because I tell them from very young ages that if they hear sex, race, gender, or family from someone other than myself or JM, I want to know about it, but they don't necessarily know what that word means until they are eight. We started the conversation with a prayer and then I told him about one of the greatest gifts that Heavenly Father has given married couples, it has many names: sex, making love, intercourse, but they are all talking about the expression of love. All of those words refer to how babies are made, but also it is how husbands and wives show each other that they love each other. It bonds a married couple together and sets that relationship apart from any other relationship. Then, I matter-of-factly tell them the basics of what sex is. I ask them if they have any questions and we talk about it. The goal is to be open and honest without being graphic or embarrassed. Keep it light and positive, emphasize how wonderful it is that husbands and wives have a special way of expressing love to each other and that it is good with God. 

#45 Like I said in #44, when Joshua turned eight it was just me and him in the room. When the other kids turned eight, I had the impression to have the older kids who already knew about sex join in on the conversation. Doing it this way helped the eight year old feel more comfortable and open to asking questions, it also served as an opportunity for the older kids to ask any questions that they may have. It helps them recognize that they can come to you with any and all questions, nothing is off limits. I don't get embarrassed and I certainly try to not make them feel uncomfortable or ashamed by their questions. If they receive incorrect information from another source, or they are struggling with something they are ashamed of, I want them to seek me out for help and guidance. Use these conversations to show that you can be trusted with their sensitive, inner-most thoughts.

#46 Sexual intimacy between married couples can be very complex and challenging at times. Men and women are made SO differently. Communicate with each other. This took me a long time to do comfortably. I had no problem communicating during the act, but during other times, I used to find it difficult to talk about without feeling embarrassed. I think we had been married for 7 years before I could talk about it with my husband without blushing. I'm not proud of that, haha. Communicate about what you like and don't like. Communicate about how you are feeling things are working out for you in the bedroom. Communicate about when you're in the mood for intimacy and when you're not. Be understanding of your spouses point of view. While sex can be complex and certainly there is a learning curve, sex is the MOST bonding experience and the MOST loving experience a marriage can have. The growing together, the learning together, the enjoyment and complexities and complications together, that's all part of what binds the marriage. It's what makes sex beautifully intimate. So, communicate together.

My wise dad once told an inexperienced newly wed couple (spoiler alert--it was us) that sex at 25 wasn't as good as sex at 40. He was right! We have grown together. And, while we have always enjoyed our intimate relationship, there's no comparison what we enjoy today. But, the relationship we enjoy today is a tapestry made from experience, growth, communication and love all woven together to form something truly beautiful. 

#47 Men, pay attention to your wife's cycle. Women are biologically so different. We are divinely made the way we are, so learn to tune into our differences. It is prudent to understand that your wife will not always "be in the mood". Many factors play into whether or not she is ready to be one with you physically. Kids, chores, mood--all play a factor, but often times, the time of the month is the biggest factor. Pay attention to it. Quality love making is better than quantity. Be patient with her cycle and understand that she needs more days in-between than you do. 

Likewise, women, learn to understand that men are created differently. They want it more often than you do, a man's self-esteem is closely tied to what happens in the bedroom. Be sensitive to his needs. Give "presents" occasionally to help even out the balance. Be present in those "presents", give them out of love for your husband. 

Women are naturally the nurturers in most families. It is a divine spiritual gift. The bedroom is where good men learn how to nurture. A good man will cradle his wife with his love. She will feel protected in her vulnerability by his masculine, gentle, patient ways. If he spends the time nurturing her, she will be more open to being physical with him, which leads us into the next tip.

#48 Be patient! Love-making is an art of expression. It's said that while men may be a microwave, women are an oven. Spend time together before hand unwinding and expressing love. A woman is more ready to give of herself physically once she has felt that you have spent the time emotionally with her. If her emotions are not ready, chances are she is not ready. Give her a massage, play with her hair, ask her what she needs before you get started. Ask her how she would like to proceed. In many instances, she has just dealt with putting the kids to bed or finished her daily chores. She may need more time just talking and unwinding before she is ready to "flip the switch" to wife mode. Be patient!

#49 Stay flirty and fun. Throughout the day, send text messages that are flirty and fun. It helps your spouse know that you're thinking of them and that you desire them. My kids know not to go into mom and dad's text strand, because that text strand is meant for our eyes only.   

#50 Avoid causing someone to have "Good Girl Syndrome" (or good boy syndrome in some cases). We are told for so long in our youth (in the church culture--not in the world) to be a good girl, a chaste girl. The topic of chastity is so important for our youth to understand, internalize, and practice. However, if this subject matter is done in a way that emphasizes sex as being against the commandments, without equally putting emphasis on the goodness of intimate acts done within the bounds that the Lord has set, well-meaning adults might accidentally send the message that sex is bad. After temple marriage, oftentimes young women have a difficult time shifting gears from "sex is bad" to "now I am supposed to enjoy this, but somehow I feel guilty about it". I have had this mindset myself from time to time. The church doesn't spell out what is right and what is wrong in the bedroom. The Brethren leave that to the couples to pray about and figure out together. What do we know? Well, we know that both partners need to feel comfortable with the acts. We know that nothing should abuse, or degrade either partner. We know that pornography is not ok. We know that we must be legally and lawfully married. We know that we must be loyal to our spouse, no adultery or lustful thoughts or actions of any kind. But, sex is ultimately meant to bring husband and wife closer together. It's meant to be fun, not boring. It's meant to cause rejoicing, not feelings of guilt. When talking about intimacy with your children or with others, keep it positive and phrase your conversations in a happy way. 

#51 Pray about your sexual relationship. This took me awhile to do. It felt weird to pray about something such as the act of marriage. But, Heavenly Father made your body, it was He that gave you these procreative powers. He knows all things already, so pray to Him to bless your physical union as well as your spiritual and emotional union. If things are complicated, ask Him for help. If you're feeling frustrated, talk to your spouse and talk to your Father. Thank Him for this blessing, and ask Him to guide you in the process. The act of marriage is blessed by God. There is nothing shameful about being passionate with your spouse. There is nothing shameful about enjoying one another's bodies and loving each other in the way your were created to love each other.

#52 Try new things in the bedroom and let the Spirit be your guide. I'll just leave that at that.

#53 Speak highly of your spouse to others. Let others know that you love being married and that marriage is a blessed gift. Society has put-down marriage for so long. I really don't like how it is portrayed. I have never once regretted being married. It is such a wonderful thing to be married. Help others see how blessed you feel by your union, do this for many reasons, one of them being an effort to drown out negative voices in the world. Another being a way to build up your spouse and help others see that you are on each other's team. It may be you and your spouse against the world, but as long as you're in it together, you can take it on. 

#54 Help others feel comfortable coming to you if they need help. Some may feel alone and may not know where to go for help. Because our religious culture is so iffy on talking about it, someone may be struggling and feel like no one else has had a similar struggle. If that person feels comfortable talking to you, you can guide them to the right sources. 

#55 Speaking of sources, here are some books that I'd highly recommend reading. 

• The Act of Marriage by: Tim and Beverly LaHaye. I haven't read this book since Jon Mark and I were engaged so I don't remember everything in it. But, I remember it being a great resource for two virgins. We read it together a week before we got married.
• And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment by: Laura M. Brotherson. This book was amazing. I LOVED this book. It is written by a woman for women primarily. It helped me understand how women and men are different and how what we do in the bedroom is not something to feel guilty about. It is written from a religious stand point and I loved this book. 
• The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by: Dr. Laura. This book should be read by every woman. I read it when I first got married and it really helped shape my views on marriage and understanding masculinity within marriage. I cannot say enough good things about this book. And if you're thinking, "Well, he needs to read a book about the proper care and feeding of wives", I'd say, don't let pride get in the way of helping you become an even better wife. When a woman properly nurtures her man, he will nurture his woman. It is very cyclical. Dr. Laura also has a book about the Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, but I have not read that yet.
•  BETWEEN HUSBAND & WIFE. by Stephen E. Lamb and Douglas E. Brinley. I have not read this book recently, but I think I remember it being good. ;)

See? This topic isn't hard to talk about. If you have any questions, I am open to having a discussion. I wish everyone a happy intimate marriage!