For this installment, I don't have a particular theme, just some thoughts...
#56 Teach you kids to look to the temple. We play a game, every time we pass by a temple, you try to be the first person to say, "I see the temple!" After someone spots the temple, we always sing, "I love to see the temple". I don't even remember how this tradition got started, but it's been going strong for at least 7 years or so. Teach them to be excited when they see the temple. Teach them to look to the temple for peace and guidance.
#57 It's ok to share with others that the temple gets more comfortable over time as your faith and testimony continue to grow. For many years, my testimony of the temple was about as deep as just going through the motions. I didn't really grasp the meaning, significance, or importance of the temple. The ceremonies in the temple were unfamiliar and strange to me. For many years, I kept those thoughts and struggles to myself. Being a stalwart, faithful member of the Church, I am certain that others who knew me (even family members who knew me well) would have thought that my testimony of the temple was rock solid. My testimony of the gospel was/is, and I had faith that regular temple attendance was an important factor in increasing my testimony of the temple. I had faith that over time, what felt unfamiliar would become familiar and all that I didn't understand would be understood in time. It was difficult, though, because I was afraid to ask too much about what others felt. And, to me, it seemed as though everyone else in my life had no problem whatsoever with their testimonies of the temple.
I continued to go. I continued to pray for understanding. This has been a long process. Nothing changed for me overnight. But, as I continued to go to the temple, I began to see the Lord's love for me even more deeply and personally. I'll share two experiences.
The first experience happened about 10 years ago. I have always felt more confident in my temple attendance when I go with someone else. Usually that someone else is Jon Mark, he's my crutch for things that are uncomfortable. He's my security blanket. I know that no matter what happens to me in my life, he will always be my constant. Family members are also close to that level of security, they are my inner circle, but they lack the same level of intimacy that comes from a marriage, so none of my family members were aware of my reservations. One day Jon Mark couldn't go with me, so I asked my mom to go. We made plans to go together and those plans fell through the last second. I don't remember why she couldn't go with me that day, but for whatever reason I found myself with the choice of stalling or going on my own. I made the choice to go and I prayed that Heavenly Father would make it okay. My mom had no idea how timid I was about going alone, and I felt close to tears the entire day. Well, I am in the temple going through the endowment ceremony alone, and we get to the part that I always feel anxious about, I don't have it memorized and I feel like with the number of times I have been to the temple, I should have it memorized by now and I feel awkward and anxious. I see the temple workers walk in, there were probably around 10-15 female workers that walked in (it was a large session). I saw one little old lady that looked familiar (maybe a Lamoreaux?). I remember thinking that she looked like she'd be understanding a nice, so I said to Heavenly Father in a prayer that I wanted her to help me through the veil. It wasn't a question, it was more of a demand. I remember my exact words in my prayer were, "Heavenly Father, she looks nice, I want her." I watched as everyone before me went through and finished the session, I thought my chances of getting that lady were slim, but then I did! I nearly began crying. The Lord knew how anxious I was. He knew how tender my testimony was. He knew that it took courage for me to go alone that day. He heard my prayer and He made it a comfortable experience. As I went through the veil, I felt a strong sense of Heavenly Father's love for me, and I knew that it was a gift from Him and not merely a coincidence as small as that gesture was. I knew that He made that happen. I felt it. Going to the temple has gotten much easier, and while I still may have questions, it's so much more familiar and I have come to know of the love that is manifested in the temple for all of God's children.
The second experience happened just last week. Covid shut down all of the temples for a year and a half. It was a long time to have not been able to go. When the temples opened again, they were by appointment only. I checked a few times to make an appointment, but all slots were filled. Then, one day I got on and there was a slot open for the very next day. But, I'd have to go alone. I couldn't go with Jon Mark because it was just one slot. I left the internet page and thought that I'd just wait, but I looked ahead and everything was booked through Christmas. I didn't want to wait that long to go, but I didn't want to go alone either. It had been a year and a half and I was anxious about going alone. I tried to rationalize it away, but I couldn't, so I grabbed the appointment while I still could and resolved that I'd go and the Lord would make it ok.
The whole next morning I was still nervous. I got a name and started to walk up the stairs to the chapel to begin the session. As I was walking up the stairs, I said a prayer. It went something like this, "Heavenly Father, I am taking a first step here and the first step is always pleasing to the Father. Please make this a comfortable experience. I am nervous about being alone." By the time I finished the prayer, I turned the corner and walked into the chapel. Immediately in the chapel, I saw two friends from church smiling at me and waving for me to come and sit by them. I knew it was an answer to prayer. I felt as though Heavenly Father was saying to me, "oh silly girl, it's ok. Trust me, I've got your back." A few minutes later, I turn around and I see Bishop and Mary walk in, then the Budzinski's and then the Taylor's. They were all there, they were all smiling at me. I wasn't alone. The Lord had my back, and then he was all like, "watch this" and then He had it even more. I felt a rush of His love, and I knew again that it wasn't a coincidence that there must have been a cancellation for that day at that time for a reason, even if that reason was just for this little miracle to happen. It was orchestrated in Heaven somehow before I even booked the appointment. It turns out that a member of our ward happened to be going through the temple for the first time that morning, and that is why so many of my friends were able to be there. I had no idea. They all thought I was there for the same reason, but really I just needed to go to the temple, I went on faith, and the Lord took that faith and magnified it until it was sufficient.
#58 Make your home a place where all are welcome.
My house is full most days. Full of kids, of family and friends. My nieces come over most days and when they come, they stay for most of the day. Sometimes I take them with me to run errands or to go places. They're mine (kind of ;) and I love them. Sometimes it's a lot to handle--to handle patiently so many kids. On the weekends my house is full of family. Sometimes that's a lot to handle too. My pantry is constantly being opened and food is constantly being consumed. Messes are made. It's loud and noisy. Sometimes I don't handle it well, most of the time I do. I want my home to be a safe place for all my loved ones. I want them to feel loved when they are here. I want them to feel the peace of the gospel when they are here. I want them to feel my testimony and that my motivation for opening my home and my pantry is my desire to help others feel the love of Jesus Christ. Somedays are better than others, but that is my goal.
On Monday's my nieces come over at some point in the day, they stay for dinner, and after dinner we do Family Home Evening. We've been doing it this way for years, it started when Jaz and Lilly were really little and we've just continued it. The other day, I had the girls over to spend the night. At one point, Jaz came up to me and said that she had had a special experience that she was excited to tell me. She was going to wait until Monday for Family Home Evening, but she couldn't wait and wanted to tell me then. She got choked up as though she was going to cry and she told me that the other day she had had a scary dream. She was so scared that she said a prayer. After the prayer she felt Heavenly Father's hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She said that every time she thought about being scared, she felt the hand on her shoulder and eventually she was comforted enough to fall asleep. She told me that she remembered to say a prayer of thanks to Heavenly Father. I felt so touched that she wanted to share the experience with me.
Later that evening, I tucked all of those girls into bed and I told them stories from my childhood. The stories were stories of testimony building experiences I have had in my lifetime and stories in which I felt the love of God, miracles, answers to prayers, tender mercies, etc. The spirit was so strong. Evelyn started crying and shared how she one time saw Gavin and another angel in a dream and how she is thankful that she has a guardian angel in her brother. Jaz shared her experience. I showed a video we had made for Gavin with the song I had written for him. It was all very touching and it made me happy that I have spent years creating a safe place of love for all those I loved. It was a pay-day of sorts for my efforts. Make your home a welcoming place. Don't run faster than you have strength, but your efforts will be magnified.
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