Corona Virus

This past week or so has been interesting. A new virus has swept across the globe, originating in China. It seems the whole world is on pause as for the first time in my life. And, perhaps unprecedented, church is cancelled, conference is televised only, temples are on a modified schedule (only live ordinances), and missionaries are quarantined. We've been advised to stay in our homes and avoid crowds larger than 10 people. School is cancelled, and work places are shutting down. It feels like the twilight zone. People are panicking and hoarding toilet paper, food, and cleaning supplies. It's a good thing we have a bidet. I feel men's hearts are failing them in many instances. The virus is scary for the elderly. Many have died, and many are at risk. 

I am thankful for a living prophet. He's calm, asks us to increase our spirituality. He's a doctor himself. A year ago he implemented Come Follow Me, a home centered, church supported program and now we are having church in our own homes. He told us to get our rest and eat our vitamins. This conference was promised to be one that we would never forget. It is the 200th anniversary since Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ which was the beginning the restoration of the gospel. We had tickets to go to Salt Lake and experience it in person. He told us that if we prepared for this conference, it would be life changing. We have been preparing as a family ever since he asked us to. Now it is televised only, I don't think that has ever happened before. It surely is memorable already. Studying the early church history, the first vision, the scriptures, has been a sweet experience for my family. I have come to know and love Joseph Smith, not just as a prophet, but as a man. He was a man who made mistakes and was not perfect, but he was incredibly faithful and endured to the end. He was humble and quick to repent. He was a great man! I am excited for conference, even if it is not in person. Now, at this time of uncertainty, when so many are fearing, our prophet is telling us to not fear, but build our faith and use this time to focus on our faith in Jesus Christ. He blessed us that we may see how sweet home gospel study can be. It has been sweet! 

While the economy may suffer, and many will die, this pause has been special to me so far. It seems as though the Lord wanted us to take a time out. Perhaps we needed a time-out from distractions and the fast pace of life, to help us remember Him and to pray again for our world and leaders. As we have sat in home, I've enjoyed watching my kids play. Their relationships with one another are strengthening. I've tried to keep to a schedule: Screen time, play time, exercise hour, chore hour, school hour, quiet time, screen time. It has helped. We've gone on walks together. I've hiked with them and roller-bladed with them. We've eaten dinner outside and had good discussions. Truthfully, this time for me, so far, has been a joy. 

We've been told for a year now to increase our personal righteousness and faith. In a recent address to the Saints about preparing the world for the second coming of Christ, President Nelson said the following: 

...we live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.

Why do we need such resilient faith? Because difficult days are ahead. Rarely in the future will it be easy or popular to be a faithful Latter-day Saint. Each of us will be tested. The Apostle Paul warned that in the latter days, those who diligently follow the Lord “shall suffer persecution” (2 Timothy 3:12). That very persecution can either crush you into silent weakness or motivate you to be more exemplary and courageous in your daily lives.

How you deal with life’s trials is part of the development of your faith. Strength comes when you remember that you have a divine nature, an inheritance of infinite worth. The Lord has reminded you, your children, and your grandchildren that you are lawful heirs, that you have been reserved in heaven for your specific time and place to be born, to grow and become His standard bearers and covenant people. As you walk in the Lord’s path of righteousness, you will be blessed to continue in His goodness and be a light and a savior unto His people (see Doctrine and Covenants 86:8–11).

Do whatever it takes to strengthen your faith in Jesus Christ by increasing your understanding of the doctrine taught in His restored Church and by relentlessly seeking truth. Anchored in pure doctrine, you will be able to step forward with faith and dogged persistence and cheerfully do all that lies in your power to fulfill the purposes of the Lord.

You will have days when you will be discouraged. So pray for courage not to give up! Sadly, some who you thought were your friends will betray you. And some things will simply seem unfair.

However, I promise you that as you follow Jesus Christ, you will find sustained peace and true joy. As you keep your covenants with increasing precision, and as you defend the Church and kingdom of God on the earth today, the Lord will bless you with strength and wisdom to accomplish what only members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can accomplish.

We are to be builders of an individual faith in God, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and faith in His Church. We are to build families and be sealed in holy temples. We are to build the Church and kingdom of God upon the earth (see Matthew 6:33). We are to prepare for our own divine destiny: glory, immortality, and eternal lives (see Romans 2:7; Doctrine and Covenants 75:5).

I humbly testify to you that—as the Prophet Joseph Smith proclaimed—the restored gospel of Jesus Christ “will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done” (History of the Church, 4:540).

We are engaged in the work of Almighty God. I pray for His blessings to be with each and every one of you.

I want to choose to follow the prophet and find joy right now, and not be weighed down in fear. And, I've found that joy. 

Just Checking In

I wanted to just check in.

Some things that I want to remember:

--I want to remember the sweet and tender pillow talk that I get to experience with Jon Mark on weekend mornings. Our kids think we sleep in really late. The truth is, we stay in bed talking and laughing, in intimate husband and wife moments that I am so glad are only meant for me. He's one of a kind and my kind of perfect. Our marriage will hit the milestone of 15 years this June. It's been a sweet ride so far. I don't feel like I should be as old as I am, but if I'm getting older, I'm glad I get to get older with him. Last night I didn't fall asleep until 5:19 am (or at least that's the last time I looked at the clock). I tried really hard this time to not wake him up, but when I get to that point of complete frustration where the tears start to flow, then all I want to do is wake him up to spend time with him, to have him remind me that I am not alone, and to hear the way he adds humor to the situation. I snuggle up next to him and I seem to fit perfectly below his chin along the curve of his body. I listen to his breathing and his heartbeat and eventually I fall asleep, even if it is only for a couple of hours. The Lord always blesses me with the energy and the patience that I need to get through the day. (As a side note, I should add that I have been on a really long "good cycle" with my sleep). Jon Mark gives so much to me that honestly I can't write it all here. Those moments are meant for just the two of us and it should suffice the reader to know that my marriage is a good one. It's a strong one. It's not fragile or weak. Our marriage is happy and fulfilling, full of all the good stuff that a marriage should be full of. My husband is a strength to me. I love him.

--I want to remember the orneriness of my eldest son as he approaches teenage hood. He is testing his wings and pulling away from me. But no matter how much he pulls away, he always comes back to me with unexpected hugs. Every night he still says, "I love and appreciate you" and he keeps saying it until he hears the same thing from Jon Mark and I to him. He has a way of laughing at small things and not letting most things worry him to much. However, the other day he was very worried and frustrated about his grades. I found him sobbing in his room into his pillow (not like him at all), it had worried Mercedes. I climbed onto his bunk bed and sat next to him, remembering all of the times I used to tuck him in. I'd have to stand on my tippy toes on the bed beneath his just to reach him. Sometimes I would climb up next to him and cuddle him and sing to him. I can't even remember the last time I did that. So, although he was crying, if I pushed back his beautiful blonde hair off of his forehead, I could still see my little boy. Although not quite so little, he was laying there feeling vulnerable and frustrated. He needed me at that moment. It occurred to me then, that while he may not need so much of his physical needs met from me anymore, he has even more need for me to listen to him and guide him along the sidelines as he finds his place this world. So I did. He's turning into such a great young man, a leader, a goofball, a friend, and a valiant soldier in the Lord's army. 

--I want to remember how Mercedes always seems to find her way into the kitchen to help me cook. I want to remember how she generally smiles through the sass and is quick to forgive. She's turning into a young woman but still thrives on one on one time together. She likes to talk, and I hope I'm not always brushing her aside, but sometimes that girl can talk and talk and talk. The other day she asked to talk to me. I said, "about what?" She said anything and everything. She likes physical contact during family movie time. She loves her dad. She's such a great student that I think I take for granted just how responsible she is. I hope she knows how much I love her. Sometimes I worry that I am not balancing the corrections ("Mercedes, tone...") with the positive deposits into her emotional bank account. I guess that's what motherhood is about. It's waking up each day and pleading with the Lord that He guides my efforts, grants me patience to get through the day, it's trying my best and praying that it's enough. She is such a sweet girl who thrives of quality time. She is growing up so fast that I can hardly see it with my eyes, until one day I look at her and see that she is changing. If only time could freeze for a moment and that time would give me back my messy-haired, cherub, angel-faced little girl who said things like, "today I get my tookie" as she wandered around the house in mis-matched clothes carrying her blanket in one hand and her baby doll in the other. That little girl had a stubbornness about her that was so fiery, and yet her heart was so tender it could break. That little girl would declare out of the blue that she wasn't tired and then fall asleep two seconds later. I remember watching her sleep, her face framed by her yellow, blonde curls, and thinking that she looked so beautiful. I miss her sometimes, but watching Mercedes grow into a mature young lady has been a delight. 

--I want to remember how Luke put Hannah up to decorating the upstairs for Mercedes and had a sign that said, "My life would be lost without you in it" or something along those lines. Mercedes didn't want to go upstairs (she didn't know what they had done for her), and she kind of got mad at them every time they tried to get her to go upstairs. So, she got put in time-out until she was ready to be a kind sister and go with her younger brother and sister up the stairs. She was so happy when she saw what they had done for her. She went on their treasure hunt and at the end of it, Luke had given her a dollar. It was sweet. Luke has a big heart. He's also a Casanova. He really wanted a Valentine this year. We made sure he knew that having a Valentine didn't mean that he had a girlfriend and that it was just something fun to do. We were not prepared for what he did. He selected his favorite Valentine to give to a girl named Alley. Then, at the end of the day, he asked her if she would be his Valentine. Another boy also liked this girl and asked her to be his Valentine too. Luke told me after school, "don't worry mom, I know how to convince girls that I am the better choice. I sweetened the deal with candy. She chose me." The girl gave him her address and said that they could be pen pals. He came home right then and wrote her a letter that read, "Alley, I love you because you are nice to others and you are smart. If I was older, I would want to be a boyfriend to you, but I can't because we are too young." I didn't let him send that one. We had a talk and he reworded it to be a little less lovey-dovey. He did, however, make her a book mark that had a charm on it that said "you and me" and he told me that that was a huge hint that he liked her. Luke loves me, he always remembers me and wants to make sure I am safe and taken care of. He's such a sweet boy. I want to remember that he always remembers to kiss me, no matter what.

--I want to remember the way Hannah dances to everything. I know that I write about that a lot. But, it is so Hannah when she dances. She lights up, really feels the music, and dances her feelings. I love it so much! I haven't seen anyone love to dance more than she does. I want to remember how her big blue eyes light up when she laughs. Hannah is a tease, and sometimes she whines too much, but for the most part she is a happy little girl. Like her sister, she likes to help in the kitchen. She stirs and pours, she isn't quite as independent as Mercedes, but she'd like to be. Sometimes I worry that I don't give her enough attention aside from practicing dance with her, so it's not surprising that she's been my little shadow recently. I'm afraid it's just a stage that she will out grow. And, I know that she should out grow it to some extent. She's meant to do great things without me, and yet I'll be so sad when she stops thinking that I am the coolest person out there. Perhaps I'll be able to hold onto some of my cool status in her eyes. Hannah makes friends easily and loves school. She loves to send her teacher pictures through email. She's smart and follows in her older sister's footprints of being a good student. She loves fashion and is quite good at putting an outfit together. She loves her boots and her reflection ;) My sweet, sweet Hannah. Oh, how I love you! You bring so much joy and sunshine and delight to my life. I miss you when you aren't around, I hope you'll always want to be my shadow, but don't stay there, you were meant to shine.

--I want to remember Caleb coming down the stairs this morning and saying, "am I starting kindergarten today? I'm five now." Yes, he is five now and he lets us know it. He got some Legos for his birthday and wanted Jessica to help him build it. She wasn't working fast enough, and with a task master demeanor he pointed at her and commanded, "build!" He loves to be big. He let's us know that he is no longer little. Today, at Cade's house, he and Cade escaped and went into a neighbor's back yard. When Cade's mom found them, she asked them whether or not they should have known better. He hung his head and said, "yes, I am five now, I should have known better." He's also noticed that Jessica's chest is a lot bigger than mine. He was sitting on my lap yesterday and said that Jessica has "those" out to here (he held his hands cupped hands far away from his chest). He said that mine were much smaller and put his cupped hands closer to his chest "like this big" he said. Then, he paused and scrunched his nose and said, "Actually, actually they are this big" and he pressed both of his cupped hands onto his chest inferring that I was rather flat chested. LOL. He's scared to be more than two feet away from me when no one else is home. I reminded him that in his blessing as a newborn, Jon Mark had blessed him with courage and that as the events of the second coming draw near, he'd help his older brothers and sisters be brave. That gave him a bit of courage. His newest thing to say is, "why do brudders and sisters get all da fun and I get no things that are fun." Or, "why do brudders and sisters get all the things and I get none of the things. My toys are this big and they're toys are a lot bigger than mine." He is the perfect caboose to our family and I am going to miss him like crazy next year.

--I want to remember all of the chapters of my adult life: the newly married chapter that taught me how to love romantically, how to communicate my feelings, how to let go and be kind. The chapter of new motherhood that taught me how to give of myself so completely and tenderly. The chapter of having multiple little children; that chapter taught me even more about giving and self-sacrifice, there was so much selfless sacrifice and I would not ever change those sacred moments. The chapter of young children--school-age children mixed with newborns that taught me to remember to choose fun and excitement when possible. The passage of time seemed real in this chapter, as it had slowed enough for me to see my children literally growing before my watching eyes. I want to remember the chapter of having only one of my children home with me, my days revolving around him, and this chapter is winding to a close. This is the final chapter of mothering a young child. Once this chapter closes, a whole new set of chapters await me, and they feel so foreign and different. I have a lot of thoughts swirling about inside my mind. I've written about them all before. The firsts of the lasts. I don't have the energy to write them right now. It feels too tender to describe. Next year, I'll be working outside the home, all of my children will be in school. I'm not quite ready to think that far ahead, about what that will be like, so that is a post for another day. Today, I think I'll just sit and enjoy the few months of this chapter that I have left. Today I think I'll just remember to remember.

Hiking and Time With Jon Mark

Caleb loves going "Hulk Smash" on Jon Mark. In this picture, he has won and is brushing off his hulk hands. He is so funny and seriously believes that he is stronger than Jon Mark. He thinks that he can kill any bad guy (although we talk tirelessly about putting them in jail, not killing them). He thinks he will be the best football player someday because he will go beast mode every single time and smash all of the other players.

Hannah and Mercedes have started dance and LOVE it. Hannah is very proud of her dance jacket. Both of them will practice with me whenever I ask. I'm so glad that we put them in dance. I hope I don't ever regret the decision because of the costumes and dance moves in future dance classes, but their current studio is very modest.

We got out back yard put in. It's great! Caleb really enjoyed watching them put it in.

This is Hannah's testimony she wrote out. She has a goal of bearing her testimony in church sometime this year. 

There aren't too many pictures of Jon Mark, so I take what I can get ;)

We went hiking and the kids did such a great job and had such great attitudes. They're finally getting old enough to go on family hikes without complaining.

Taught By The Spirit

I was taught something today as I did Come Follow Me with my children. We were reading in 1 Nephi chapter 11. Let's take a look at the first few verses:

2 And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what ^adesirest thou?

3 And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father ^asaw.

4 And the Spirit said unto me: ^aBelievest thou that thy father saw the ^btree of which he hath spoken?

Before these verses, Lehi, Nephi's father, had just told Nephi about a great vision he had concerning the tree of life, the rod of iron and the great and spacious building. I imagine Nephi was very intrigued by his father's experience. As a result, he desired to see the vision for himself, not for lack of belief in what his father had seen, but because he wanted more knowledge and understanding. His response to the Spirit is affirmative. 

5 And I said: Yea, thou knowest that I ^abelieve all the words of my father.

When we read these words together, I asked my kids, "what can you infer about Lehi's relationship with his son Nephi based on Nephi's response?" They told me that Lehi and Nephi must have had a good relationship, that Nephi must have trusted his dad. I agreed. Nephi must have had a solid relationship with Lehi that was based on trust grown from positive interactions and experience. Without hesitation, Nephi tells the angel that he believes, not just some of the words of his father, but all the words of his father. We read on for several verses. The Spirit shows Nephi the virgin Mary and after Mary was carried away in the Spirit for a time, Nephi is shown the virgin Mary holding a baby. The baby, who we know to be Jesus Christ, was not to be born for another 600 years or so. The Spirit asks Nephi:

16 ... Knowest thou the ^acondescension of God?

After we read that verse, I stopped and asked the children to remember what we were just taught about Nephi's relationship with his earthly father. He believed all the words of his father. Then, I asked them to think about that as they read Nephi's response to the Spirit in the next verse. I asked them to pay attention to what inference they could make about Nephi's relationship with his Heavenly Father.

17 And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.

Nephi trusted his Heavenly Father. By experience and positive interaction, we can infer that Nephi had a pretty solid relationship with his Heavenly Father. He knew, he understood, he had a testimony of, Heavenly Father's love for His children. He had felt that love for himself, and he knew it to be true. That love was all he needed to be able to answer that even though he doesn't understand all of the workings of his Heavenly Father, he knew that because He loves His children, he could trust in his Heavenly Father's plan, no matter what. That statement was full of faith. 

I asked my children if they trusted their dad. Of course they do! Why do they trust him? Because they know that their earthly dad, Jon Mark, loves them more than anything. He has shown them time and time again that their best interest is his motivation for all he does. I asked Hannah, "if dad told you not to do something because but you didn't understand the reason why, would you do it?" She said no. Luke said, "you wouldn't do it because you know he loves you and wants you to be safe." When we understand that love is the motivation, it gets easier to trust. Like Nephi, we don't need to understand all of the workings of our Father in Heaven. We can trust and have faith that all He does for us "shall give us experience and shall be for our good". 

D&C Section 121& 122 is probably one of the most lovingly beautiful works of scripture ever written. As Joseph Smith is suffering in prison, he cries out like a child to his Father in Heaven. He is wondering why he must be tormented. Heavenly Father answers his prayer. He strengthens his testimony of the priesthood power. He reminds Joseph that He is in control. He reminds him that while the wicked may persecute and torment the righteous for a season, they will not have any power in the end. It's a sort of pep talk from his Dad.

4 And although their influence shall cast thee into trouble, and into bars and walls, thou shalt be had in ^ahonor; and but for a small ^bmoment and thy voice shall be more terrible in the midst of thine enemies than the fierce ^clion, because of thy righteousness; and thy God shall stand by thee forever and ever. ...

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee ^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

Next, He reminds Joseph of the greatest act of love ever given or known in the history of mankind. He reminds Joseph that He had given the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ. 

8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

Because Christ descended below all things, all things that are wrong will be made right. Christ experienced it all. Heartache, loss, grief, torment, pain, anguish of body and soul--nothing is beyond our Savior's ability to succor or redeem. He experienced it all so that He could "hear the songs we cannot sing". 

9 Therefore, ^ahold on thy way, and the priesthood shall ^bremain with thee; for their ^cbounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy ^ddays are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, ^efear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

We may not know all the answers, we aren't supposed to. But, we can catch hold upon the knowledge that our Heavenly Father loves loves His children. And, as we press forward with that knowledge lighting our paths, we can trust Him. Just as a child can understand the love of his earthly father, even more complete and perfect is the love of our Heavenly Father. It is my hope that when asked, "Do you believe the words of your Father?" All of us can answer an affirmative, "Yes! I believe!" 

I am grateful for the framework of the family. It is modeled after our eternal families. Within that framework, we learn what is to love and be loved. My relationship with my Heavenly Father is enhanced when I ponder upon my relationship with my earthly parents. I know they love me. I know they have always wanted what is best for me. I know that they want me to have all that they have. I know they are happy when I experience joy. I know they are sad when I am sad. I know that they have anxious concern over my well being and that my name has been lifted in prayer more times than they can count. There's also something to be said of becoming a parent myself. It deepens and enriches my understanding of a parents love and I point it right back to the love my Heavenly Parents have for me. 

Because I know they love me, I can trust.

November