Friday, April 25, 2014
Banana is 1!
Banana's birthday party is tomorrow, and she really didn't know that yesterday was her birthday, but everyone else did.
She didn't know that exactly 1 year ago yesterday, she made me a mother for the 4th time around. And, she didn't know that April 24th 2013, changed me.
As previous posts demonstrate, my pregnancy with Hannah was a roller coaster. Doctor's were telling me she was fine. But, then they said that she had Down Syndrome. When testing confirmed that she didn't have DS, they told me she was fine again. Her third trimester ultrasound suggested that something was amiss, especially since I was measuring the size of twins. They had determined that something was wrong, she had a genetic disorder, but they didn't know which one. Finally they told me that she had Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome.
I remember that day. I went to the appointment on my own, because the doctor's had told me that everything looked fine at the 18 week ultrasound. Jon Mark wasn't there. Immediately, I knew something was wrong because the tech was taking a really long time to measure everything. The doctor came in a told me that my baby had BWS and I began to cry. The doctor asked me, quite callously, why I was crying. I wanted to scream at her, "because you just told me that my baby has this thing that makes her highly susceptible to cancer". But, I didn't really say anything. I just cried for a few moments and tried desperately not to. I cried, not because I was sad, but rather I was scared. I had no idea what BWS was, I had no idea what that would mean for our future. Would she be okay? I was scared I would lose her, and I already loved her. That's the beauty of pregnancy, my baby was so intimately apart of me, that we were in the truest sense, connected. And, I loved her. I loved Hannah. I didn't want her to have to suffer in any way. The timing wasn't "perfect" either. We were supposed to be moving to AZ to take the Bar and find a job right after the baby was to be born. So, how in the world would we be able to do that now?
As I left the hospital, I had a difficult time maintaining my composure. Once in the car, I lost it. I called Jon Mark and I called my mom. They prayed.
I remember the day that I gave my burden over to the Lord. Everything felt better after that. It was going to work out. I just felt so much peace. There were still days when I doubted, but ultimately, I felt only peace.
She would be delivered via c-section because her size was estimated to be about 12 pounds. That scared me a little. Lindsay and Vanessa told me all about c-sections, and that helped.
Hannah came out weighing only 8 pounds 15 oz (but I always just say 9 pounds). That's a far cry away from 12 pounds. I could have pushed her out after all. If I had, I wouldn't have the six inch scar that marks me. That six inch scar is a price I paid for her, and it reminds me of that day, April 24th: the day I became a mother again, the first time I held my Hannah, and the day that I learned more about the grace and goodness of our Heavenly Father.
My scar, as Michelle has reminded me, is a sacred scar. Though not the same, Jesus Christ bears sacred scars to remind us of the price He paid for us out of love. His scars testify that He is the Christ. His scars reminds us of the price He paid for us to have eternal life. My scar reminds me of the price I paid to give temporal life to another. As do my stretch marks. Consider this from Elder Holland: In fact, in a resurrected, otherwise perfected body, our Lord of this sacrament table has chosen to retain for the benefit of his disciples the wounds in his hands and his feet and his side—signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and perfect. Signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn’t love you. It is the wounded Christ who is the captain of our soul—he who yet bears the scars of sacrifice, the lesions of love and humility and forgiveness. (Do This In Remembrance of Me. 1995). Sacred scars, are scars of love.
That day changed me. It made me better. I saw the Lord's hand in my life. I knew, so completely, that He was in charge, that prayers are answered, and that these tiny babies are His, and He loves them. This brand new, perfect baby was given to my charge. And she was beautiful.
She had these dark, big eyes that opened every once in a while. She had soft, baby skin that I rather enjoyed stroking, especially under her cheeks. My dark haired baby with strange toenails and fisted hands, was mine. Thank you, Hannah, for loving me.
Now, at a year, you exploring the world while bear crawling. Sometimes you gracefully try to walk, but mostly you just crawl. You are a pro at standing from a sitting position and then returning back to a sitting position. You love being held and will hold onto my arm to help me out. You sing, "Let it go". You mimic my laugh. You certainly try to talk and I think you will be an early talker. You love frozen peas. You have big blue eyes and brown hair. You like bananas and smoothies. You take three hour naps and enjoy nursing to sleep, but you will never let go on your own. You LOVE baths and pools. We love you!
She didn't know that exactly 1 year ago yesterday, she made me a mother for the 4th time around. And, she didn't know that April 24th 2013, changed me.
As previous posts demonstrate, my pregnancy with Hannah was a roller coaster. Doctor's were telling me she was fine. But, then they said that she had Down Syndrome. When testing confirmed that she didn't have DS, they told me she was fine again. Her third trimester ultrasound suggested that something was amiss, especially since I was measuring the size of twins. They had determined that something was wrong, she had a genetic disorder, but they didn't know which one. Finally they told me that she had Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome.
I remember that day. I went to the appointment on my own, because the doctor's had told me that everything looked fine at the 18 week ultrasound. Jon Mark wasn't there. Immediately, I knew something was wrong because the tech was taking a really long time to measure everything. The doctor came in a told me that my baby had BWS and I began to cry. The doctor asked me, quite callously, why I was crying. I wanted to scream at her, "because you just told me that my baby has this thing that makes her highly susceptible to cancer". But, I didn't really say anything. I just cried for a few moments and tried desperately not to. I cried, not because I was sad, but rather I was scared. I had no idea what BWS was, I had no idea what that would mean for our future. Would she be okay? I was scared I would lose her, and I already loved her. That's the beauty of pregnancy, my baby was so intimately apart of me, that we were in the truest sense, connected. And, I loved her. I loved Hannah. I didn't want her to have to suffer in any way. The timing wasn't "perfect" either. We were supposed to be moving to AZ to take the Bar and find a job right after the baby was to be born. So, how in the world would we be able to do that now?
As I left the hospital, I had a difficult time maintaining my composure. Once in the car, I lost it. I called Jon Mark and I called my mom. They prayed.
I remember the day that I gave my burden over to the Lord. Everything felt better after that. It was going to work out. I just felt so much peace. There were still days when I doubted, but ultimately, I felt only peace.
She would be delivered via c-section because her size was estimated to be about 12 pounds. That scared me a little. Lindsay and Vanessa told me all about c-sections, and that helped.
Hannah came out weighing only 8 pounds 15 oz (but I always just say 9 pounds). That's a far cry away from 12 pounds. I could have pushed her out after all. If I had, I wouldn't have the six inch scar that marks me. That six inch scar is a price I paid for her, and it reminds me of that day, April 24th: the day I became a mother again, the first time I held my Hannah, and the day that I learned more about the grace and goodness of our Heavenly Father.
My scar, as Michelle has reminded me, is a sacred scar. Though not the same, Jesus Christ bears sacred scars to remind us of the price He paid for us out of love. His scars testify that He is the Christ. His scars reminds us of the price He paid for us to have eternal life. My scar reminds me of the price I paid to give temporal life to another. As do my stretch marks. Consider this from Elder Holland: In fact, in a resurrected, otherwise perfected body, our Lord of this sacrament table has chosen to retain for the benefit of his disciples the wounds in his hands and his feet and his side—signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and perfect. Signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn’t love you. It is the wounded Christ who is the captain of our soul—he who yet bears the scars of sacrifice, the lesions of love and humility and forgiveness. (Do This In Remembrance of Me. 1995). Sacred scars, are scars of love.
That day changed me. It made me better. I saw the Lord's hand in my life. I knew, so completely, that He was in charge, that prayers are answered, and that these tiny babies are His, and He loves them. This brand new, perfect baby was given to my charge. And she was beautiful.
She had these dark, big eyes that opened every once in a while. She had soft, baby skin that I rather enjoyed stroking, especially under her cheeks. My dark haired baby with strange toenails and fisted hands, was mine. Thank you, Hannah, for loving me.
Now, at a year, you exploring the world while bear crawling. Sometimes you gracefully try to walk, but mostly you just crawl. You are a pro at standing from a sitting position and then returning back to a sitting position. You love being held and will hold onto my arm to help me out. You sing, "Let it go". You mimic my laugh. You certainly try to talk and I think you will be an early talker. You love frozen peas. You have big blue eyes and brown hair. You like bananas and smoothies. You take three hour naps and enjoy nursing to sleep, but you will never let go on your own. You LOVE baths and pools. We love you!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Fun with PIXLR!
Believe it or not, it is this same painting in both photographs. I just edited them differently. I did the one below in landscape orientation, and that isn't ideal for novels, so then I changed the orientation to portrait.
This photo of Hannah is precious. Lindsay took it, and then I had some fun with it.
This is just another painting I did of Joshua a few years ago (I can't believe it has been so long).
In our new house, I plan on enlarging this one of the kids and cousins and then I will hang it in the bathroom. Left to right: Barrett, Sawyer, Luke, Mercedes, Elena, Lily, Joshua, Casey, Bekah, Tyler, Braden, and Meili. Not pictured in Hannah, Evelyn, John, Vanessa, Ralae, Lindsay, Michelle, and Grandma Haws. It was a fun spring break day. We tried to do something fun every day that week. The challenge was to spend as little money as possible. So, we painted Michelle's block wall with washable paint. We had a water day with water balloons and sprinklers. We had a movie day. And, we had a mud day at Lindsay's. The kids weren't too keen on getting dirty at first. You want me to sling mud? You want me to stomp in mud puddles? You actually want me to get filthy dirty? Yes! We do! After I threw some mud, the kids really gave in to their inner wild child and had a blast. Clothes were thrown away, and so was most of their underwear. They were so muddy!
What else is going on???
Luke poops on the toilet about 20 times a day. I think he likes to reward I give him, so every chance he gets, he goes into the bathroom and tries his hardest to squeeze even the tiniest little turd out. It's both funny and annoying. But, he is so proud of himself.
Hannah is learning how to walk. She is quite good at standing unassisted and I believe that it is only a matter of days before she takes those exciting and precious first steps. She's the fourth child, but it never gets old. Each new milestone is a new victory, and I can't help but find such complete satisfaction and joy in my children.
Joshua learned how to tie his shoes. He's been in football and so Jon Mark took him out to buy shoes that he can run in better. They are big boy shoes with laces. So, my very patient husband taught him how to tie his shoes. He does it well. Recently, Joshua said to Mercedes that she doesn't need to be afraid of all that will happen to the earth during the time in which Jesus comes again (we were watching conference and something was said regarding the tumultuous calamities that we will face). He said that the good people will be lifted up on the clouds and that the scriptures say it will rain fire on the wicked. Then, he said, "Mom, I think I know how that will happen. I think that there is going to be a gigantic meteor shower or comet shower.
Mercedes is learning how to say some really great prayers. She thanks Heavenly Father for all of the people in her life and names them. She tells him how much she likes flowers and colors. They are very thoughtful prayers. She has also taken a liking to teaching Hannah how to walk. And, I suppose she will get full credit for when Hannah finally does walk. She likes to hold her little hands and walk with her around the room.
Jon Mark is doing well at work. We feel so blessed to be working at Jackson White. It is a wonderful firm with a great atmosphere. He is good at what he does and I am thankful that he is such a great provider.
The Lord continues to bless our family in these chaotic times. Much is happening in the world in terms of wickedness and moral confusion. There are a lot of natural disasters as well. I am so thankful for a living prophet who guides us. I a can see the hastening of the Lord's work. We were told in conference that even though the world is ripening for destruction, the strength of the church will continue to grow in direct proportion to the evil that is happening all around us. Now is the time to choose which side we are on. We can not merely sit on the fence. The Lord is hastening his work. He is at the helm. As long as we are on his side, all will be okay.
Friday, March 14, 2014
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