Our Busy Lives

Life is busy. Between football, football, and more football, I don't see Jon Mark or Joshua much most evenings. But, they're liking it and it's almost over. After football, we've got wrestling and gymnastics. Because we've been busy, my blogging has been sparse. It's overwhelming to me right now, so I'm just going to jot down some things I don't want to forget.

Jon Mark: He's had surgery on his wrist and we're hopeful that it will heal the problem he's been having. He's a great dad who gives so much of his time to church and our family after working hours at a job that is stressful. He coaches football and finds time to take me and the other kids on special one-on-one dates. I love this man and our marriage is so good. He makes me happy beyond what I ever hoped for.

Joshua: Football! I loves football and spends most of his time outside of school practicing. He loves scouts as well, and thankfully we were able to move scouts to Tuesdays so that he could still attend. The other night at football, he did such a great job that he was awarded the highest honor for his team which is called a 5 clap Dab. He won't admit it, but he still likes me tucking him in at night and will remind me if I forget. He likes kisses on top of his head and not really anywhere else. He likes waking up early with me to go running. He recently ran a 8:45 mile. He's got strong endurance.

Mercedes: The other night she was crying because she misses Great Grandma Peterson. I told her that she'd see her again someday and that the Holy Ghost could help comfort her if she prayed. She exclaimed that she knew she'd see her again someday but that she really wanted to see her again in this lifetime, not after she dies. The next morning she woke up and told me that she had prayed to Heavenly Father and told Him how she felt. She felt well enough to fall asleep after that, and while she was sleeping she said that Great Grandma Peterson had come to her in her dreams. I asked her what she looked like and she said, "Oh, she was beautiful, Mom! She wasn't old like she was when she died. She was young and happy and looked just how she looked on her wedding day!" What a sweet tender mercy that was. I was so thankful to hear that Heavenly Father had answered her prayer in such a sweet way. Mercedes wanted to bear her testimony about the experience but was too scared.

Luke: Luke loves bearing his testimony and bears it almost every fast Sunday. He always does such a great job and many times I have people come up to me and tell me that he said exactly what they needed to hear. His testimony is all his. He thinks throughout the month how he can relate certain experiences to the gospel and then he tells me that he wants to bear his testimony on those experiences. This past month he wanted to bear his testimony about my friend April. April miscarried around 18 weeks but it was thought that the baby had died a few weeks earlier based on the size. She was heartbroken. I brought her dinner a couple of times and explained things to Luke. He went with me. I think he was touched by the experience. Mercedes also wrote April and sweet letter and attached some candy to it. She is always very thoughtful like that. Anyway, Luke's testimony went something like this: "I'd like to bear my testimony. The other day, my friend April's baby died while it was still in her stomach. My mom and I brought her dinner to make her feel better. Heavenly Father is happy when we comfort people who's baby dies in their stomachs. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." It was sweet. On a different note, I took Luke and Hannah and Caleb to my old high school for an errand I was on. There was a football game and there were cheerleaders. Hoping to get Luke excited for football, I pointed out the players and told him how neat it was that we were there while a game was going on. After the errand was completed and we were walking back to the car, I asked him, "so, Luke, are you excited to be a football player?" To which he shook his head and said, "No, but I am excited about the cheerleaders!" I told him that cheerleaders liked football players and he asked me if I liked football players. I said that I did and that I married one. Luke is always telling me that he wants to marry someone who looks and acts exactly like me. I tell him that if he found someone like that, then I'd like her :)

Hannah: Hannah loves helping me cook. She loves dancing and stretching with me. She can do the splits which is good because we are thinking that we will sign her up for gymnastics. I take the kids hiking and running with me whenever I can. Last break we had I took them on a pretty easy hike. Hannah, who used to be a good little hiker, has decided that she doesn't like hiking any more. She was very upset and at one point I caught her on video saying that it was a crappy day. What?! I don't use that word, so where she learned it I'm not sure. Grandma Haws took her aside and started singing songs with her and making rock sculptures with her while the rest of us hiked on. She loves Grandma Haws and was very happy after that.

Caleb: Caleb is a joy. He's getting so big and talks so much. He's a toddler turning into a preschooler. It makes my heart happy and sad at the same time. He has some warts on the back of his head which are gross and I'm trying to get rid of them. Luckily they are covered by his hair, but I kind of don't want people to know about them. But, whenever he remembers he has them, or he touches one, he says quite loudly (usually at church) that "I have a wart!" He loves jumping on the trampoline and loves to wrestle. He plays rough with his brothers and particularly likes Joshua. He walks in slow motion sometimes and then puts his fists out and runs full speed, that's his Batman run. He loves his Batman shoes and he loves his dinosaur shirt. He doesn't like "happy nappy's" and tells me "I wake up, Mommy" every time I tell him he needs a nap. The other day I subbed in his nursery class and I was sitting next to another boy. The boy kept saying, "Hey! Hey!" to get my attention. Cubby didn't like that. He said, "she is not Hey, she is Mom!" The other kids turned and asked me, "You are mom?" I said, "I am a mom. I am Caleb's mommy." The rest of the day, that kid called me Mom. Caleb sings a lot in the car. His favorite song right now is "Nephi's Courage" and he sings it loudly. He also likes a song called, "I'm on Top of the World". When someone puts him on their shoulders, he says, "I'm on top of the world!" He tattles on others and says, "that's not even funny!". He loved Halloween but refused to wear the dinosaur costume I bought him. He went as Caleb. He loved getting all of the candy. Now he's looking forward to Santa.

Me: I'm good. I'm living the dream and enjoying it. I exercise and run. I paint and I work hard. Nothing is really new with me. I had an experience the other day on the elliptical. One of my most spiritual experiences happened on the elliptical. I've written about it before, but basically, the Holy Ghost confirmed to me that my Grandpa's (at the time, my grandma's were both still alive) were aware of me and that they would be with my children helping them throughout their lives. I realized that my angels were real, and that they were those whom I have loved in this life. I felt the presence of my grandpa's, at least I think I did. Anyway, during this experience, a certain song came on the radio. It was an acoustic version that was recorded Live. I bought the song because it now had meaning to me, but I wasn't able to buy that version. I hadn't heard that version again for a very long time. Then, the other day, I was on the elliptical again and my thoughts had turned to my grandpa's and that experience. I feel as though I'm in a valley right now with spiritual experiences. I was having a lot of them for a while there and feeling very close to my Heavenly home. The line in the song, More Holiness Give Me, where it says, "more longing for home" I understand that line more clearly whenever I have a spiritual experience. Heaven feels closer and my desire to sin is absolutely gone. Living a perfect life feels almost attainable in those moments because I see so clearly with my spiritual eyes. But, the feeling fades as life sets back in and I guess that's why we're required to live by faith. If we always felt that close to Heaven, it wouldn't be as much of a test. Anyway, I was on the elliptical lost in thought when that same Live version of the song came on. I thought to myself that that was strange. In the Live version, the singer is talking as she begins playing the chords. She says something like, "you know how sometimes some things just flow to you? This song kind of just flowed to me. I don't even know where it came from." I thought, is it possible that back when this artist was composing this song that Heavenly Father knew I'd someday associate it with a sweet experience about my grandpa's? What kind of orchestration happens in the Heavens to make sure everything happens in it's time and place like it's supposed to? How many eons before the birth of Christ was the star that would be the new star set into orbit so that it would fall over Bethlehem to mark the birthplace of our Savior? Is it then possible that in some way, this artist wrote this song for me? I shrugged it off. I doubted. Still, I don't know. Is it crazy to think that I'm the reason she didn't know where the song came from or how it came to be? Maybe I am one of the reasons. I don't know. The point it, all things are possible with God and He gives us tender moments where Heaven feels close. I started sobbing. I sobbed. I miss my grandparents. I can't think of it in terms of how many years until I see them again. That's too much. Too sad. Instead I like to think of them as helping me and my little family along the path of our mortal journey. And I like to think of the happy reunion we will someday have. A few days later, my parents were over at our home and we were talking about things. My mom told me that she had been a little emotional that week because it was the anniversary of my grandpa Peterson's passing. Now it made sense. Could it be that the reason I had heard that particular version again, and was thinking of my grandpas on that day because it was the anniversary of my Grandpa Peterson's death? Was he trying to tell me that even though time has passed he was still aware of me? He was still there? I think so.

I prayed for a long time that I'd awaken to know who I was before this earth life. I think I kind of expected something big, like a vision or something of me in the grand council before mortality. Or that I'd see some sort of snapshot image of me prior to this earth life. An apostle said that if we prayed to know even a glimmer of who we were in the pre-mortal realm, our lives would be changed forever because we'd know our potential and all that Heavenly Father has in store for us, all of the good that we could do. I prayed for a long time about it and my faith was tested. I had spiritual experiences (many of them) but nothing that seemed to answer my prayer. While pondering recently, I discovered something that I believe is the answer I was seeking. Each of those spiritual experiences built upon each other. Each one led my thoughts and slowly I came to see something. I have spiritual gifts. Gifts that have been with me throughout all eternity. I have gifts that I brought with me into mortality that are meant for me to use throughout my life's mission to help others. If I can come to know my spiritual gifts, I will know a little of who I was before I came to earth. While I am sure my gifts were more pure and perfected there, I do still have them here. I can utilize them and work on them throughout my life and awaken to my potential. I think that's the answer.